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Should You Loan Money to a Friend?

Updated on March 24, 2013

loaning money to a friend - personal loans

If you have money and friends, the situation is bound to come up sooner or later – your buddy wants to get a loan from you. Should you loan money to a friend? Shakespeare didn’t think so. In Hamlet, ol’ Will has this line: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend.” An old Scottish proverb echoes this sentiment: “Lend your money and lose your friend.” Maybe these folks were right about the wisdom of not loaning money to friends, but I haven’t experienced any problems, personally, with making personal loans to pals.

I’ve given short term loans to friends many times, and I’ve never been disappointed. My pals have always paid me back when they said they would. Maybe I’m the exception. I’ve read lots of sad tales of how personal loans have destroyed close friendships. Heck, you see it on court TV shows all the time. Two lifelong best buds will be ready to kill each other over a personal loan. So should you or shouldn’t you loan money to a friend?

I think much of the answer depends on your friend or friends. First of all, don’t even consider loaning money if you don’t know the person well. You should have been in a friendly relationship long enough to have judged the other person’s character accurately. When I loan money to a friend, I’ve decided that the friend is trustworthy and honest. Through time, that pal and I have established a friendship based on trust and mutual respect.

If you have a not-so-close pal who’s in dire straits and wants to get a loan, just give her the money, if you can afford it. If she’s a real friend and a person of good character, she’ll repay you if and when she gets on her feet, even though she doesn’t have to.

Tips to successfully loan money

Reason the friend wants to get a loan: Why does Bob want to get a loan from you? This is a key aspect for some friend-lenders. Some people don’t want to loan money unless it’s for an emergency situation, while others don’t really care what the loan money is to be used for. Personally, if one of my close friends needs to get a loan from me, I don’t care how the money is to be used.

A low-interest loan or a no-interest loan? You'll have to decide whether you'll be extending a low-interest loan or a no-interest loan to your pal. If the loan is for a small amount of money, and it's repaid quickly, you might want to make it a no-interest loan. On the other hand, if the loan is for a larger amount and will be repaid over an extended period of time, you might want to charge interest. You could still help the friend out by making it a low-interest loan, with better rates than they'd get at a bank.

Make sure the terms are fully understood by both parties. The terms should include the amount of the loan, any interest involved, and when it will be repaid. For larger amounts of money, you’ll probably want to get all the specifics of the loan in writing. Make sure it’s dated, signed by both parties, and witnessed by a third party. Make copies and give the borrower one. You keep the original in a safe place.

Set up a payment plan for the loan. If your pal wants to get a personal loan just until payday, or when they get their income tax refund, you won’t need to set up monthly payments for such a short term loan. For a long term loan, set up a realistic schedule for repayment – something the friend can afford and that you can live with.

What if the friend can’t repay the loan? Always discuss this possibility. Stuff happens, and it happens on a regular basis! Let’s say your pal gets $500 as a Christmas gift every year from her grandmother. The friend is short of cash in November, so she wants to borrow $500 from you, and she promises to pay it back at Christmas when she gets the money from Grandma. What if Granny dies or loses all her money in the stock market before Christmas ever rolls around? In that case, your pal won’t get her money, so you won’t get yours, either. Now what? The short term loan has likely just become a long term loan. You can formulate a weekly or monthly repayment plan, or you can figure out some other way for your friend to repay you. Unless you really need the cash, you could use the barter system. Maybe you have some jobs around the house that need doing, like repainting your garage or staining your deck. The borrower could complete such jobs in lieu of repaying you with money.

Should you get a loan from a friend?

I’ve been on this side of the equation, also. I’ve had to get personal loans from friends a couple of times. I hated to ask, but there have been a few times when I’ve had to get a loan. These were short term loans, and none of them were very large. Since I repaid the loans very quickly, I feel sure I can get a loan again from the same pals should the need arise. Except for one close friend, the loans were made to me by friends I’ve made loans to. We’ve helped each other out several times with short term loans. So if you have no other choice, you might be forced to get a loan from a pal. How should you go about this? Read on for how to borrow money!

How to borrow money

For how to borrow money from a friend, follow the above guidelines. Go to your friend and explain why you need to borrow money. Telling her why you need to get a personal loan might be important to her. Tell her exactly when and how you’ll repay her. Suggest to her that both of you sign a written contract. This will make her feel like you’re serious about repaying the loan. Don’t borrow any more than you have to or more than you can repay. For short term loans, you might not need a repayment schedule, but for long term loans, you probably will. Most of all, don’t get a loan from a friend unless you have to.

 

Should you loan money? Should you borrow money from a friend?
Should you loan money? Should you borrow money from a friend?

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    • dobo700 profile image

      dobo700 5 years ago from Australia

      I have always been told don't mix friends, family and finance

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    • louromano profile image

      louromano 5 years ago

      An interesting and thought provoking hub.

    • princesswithapen profile image

      princesswithapen 5 years ago

      In one way or another we've all been burnt when the issue of money finds a spot in the near perfect world and concept of friendship. This hub can be a subtle reminder to everyone about some of the things that can go wrong when money exchanges hands; the hands of two friends.

      Princesswithapen

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    • Iampankaj profile image

      Iampankaj 5 years ago from Bangalore

      Hi Habee,

      A very nice hub on a very tricky topic.

      Most of the times I have also given money to friends when they were in need. But when I ask them for returning the same, they responded in a different manner. their tone of speech also changed. When it comes to paying money to any friend it is an emotional decision. But the way you have expalined this topic is really appreciated. This is a very helpful hub. Thanks for this.

    • phteh profile image

      phteh 5 years ago from Georgetown

      Good hub, I have loan money to friends before and 90% of the time the money never comes back!

    • DeviousOne profile image

      DeviousOne 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      I think it depends on how well you can trust the person. There were people in high school who would always be borrowing money off other students for lunch with the promise to pay them back. At the end of the day, nothing was returned. For all those who do loan out money, make sure you know who you're giving it to. Great hub.

    • editorsupremo profile image

      editorsupremo 5 years ago from London, England

      It definitely depends on who you are giving the loan to, but sometimes the person to whom you are lending may turn out not to be the person you thought they were!

      & why is it that when a friend who has not repaid a loan, say six months after the due repayment date, that the lender is the one who feels bad about asking when they will get their own money back? I've experienced that, and in the end I just let it go and left it to their conscience. A year later, somehow they remembered they owed me and paid me back. No interest though!

    • L.L. Woodard profile image

      L.L. Woodard 5 years ago from Oklahoma City

      I think you have the right idea about giving money to a friend -- if you have it and know they are not in a position to repay. Many times, this type of person will go out of their way to do other things, too, to demonstrate their appreciation of your actions and of your friendship.

      Voted up and SHARED.

    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      Looks like you have a few spammers here.

      I've also loaned money to close friends and relatives not expecting it to be repaid. Some have anyway. Like you say we have to treat each individual situation differently.

    • profile image

      privatelender 5 years ago

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    • IJR112 profile image

      IJR112 5 years ago

      I wouldn't loan money to a friend. I've heard of a couple of bad experiences and I wouldn't want to put my friendships in jeopardy.

    • profile image

      Trudy 5 years ago

      It's very sad that the people closest to us...our friends and family are the one's we should not trust when it comes to money. Just goes to show that when people make no effort to repay a kind loan then they were never true friends or family.

      I expect all loans to be repaid because it shows you are a trustworthy friend. If you choose not to pay me back then the money became more important to you than our friendship to keep your word. We are no longer friends if I cannot trust you.

    • maxravi profile image

      Ravi Singh 5 years ago from India

      Thanks for this hub.nice topic.well I personally not in favor of giving loan to a friend until he is close one.same way I avoid taking loan from friend.voted up for this hub!

    • maxravi profile image

      Ravi Singh 5 years ago from India

      Thanks for this hub.nice topic.well I personally not in favor of giving loan to a friend until he is close one.same way I avoid taking loan from friend.voted up for this hub!

    • firdousi0 profile image

      Fassee Ullah 6 years ago from Pakistan

      Though my person experience to lend some money is not quite good, but I really like your advice. If I have 100 bucks, there should not be any hesitation for me to give 25/30 out of them to help my friend and that should be interest bearing. Think, if you don't help your best friends, he will be compelled to get interest bearing loan, which ultimately deteriorate his financial position. I Islam usury is unlawful. A scholar was asked by somebody, " I have lots of friends and I want to get rid of them. What should I do?" He replied, "Lend the poorer and request richer to lend you some money."

    • skgrao profile image

      S K G Rao. 6 years ago from Bangalore City - INDIA.

      3% to 10% per month here in India,are you saying it is per month or year ?.

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    • profile image

      Sarah Daniels 6 years ago

      Going through wasn't really easy for me knowing my husband was lying sick in the hospital an there was nothing i could do to help since i had already gone bankrupt as a result of paying the rents, bills, tax, and fees. but thanks to a friend who actually introduced me to one Mr David O'Brian who then lend me some money to carry on.i think you guys should help me to thank God and do contact him if you are in need of some loan,contact him at oceaninternationalloans@gmail.com

    • AUPADHYAY profile image

      ANIL KUMAR UPADHYAY 6 years ago from INDIA, UTTAR PRADESH STATE, KANPUR CITY

      A friendship remains always unbreakable when the transaction of money took place in any shape between the friends, always be considered in a manner that one should help or give loan to other without it's recovery in a definite time. The other should also remember the amount of loan to be returned back when the friend is in need. This is the aspect of a true friendship but in this era of almost polluted friendship, the definition of principles of a true friendship is changed.

    • JLBender profile image

      JLBender 6 years ago from Greensburg, PA

      Great hub. I wish I would have read this a few years ago. I lent a small loan to a friend and he still has not paid me back.

    • profile image

      Sigorta Hesaplama 6 years ago

      sigorta hesaplama good work sigorta hesaplama

    • K9keystrokes profile image

      India Arnold 6 years ago from Northern, California

      habee, I wish I had this hub to read a few years ago when I loaned a friend (a 20 year friendship friend)a substantial amount of money...5 digit money. I never once asked for it back or pressured the lendee for payment, the friendship to me was more important. But, as the economy degraded and the reality of being able to pay the loan back became totally unreal, unfortunately no mater how I reassured my friend all was okay, she stopped making contact and the friendship split. Guilt is an awfully big thing to overcome. Today, I really could use the money, but I often call and just say hi never mentioning the money. My hope would be to mend the friendship and just pretend the loan never happened. But my friends pride is much larger than her heart. Sad really. I bear no ill will, only love for her. She is missed in my life and I just wish money was NOT such a creator of negative outcome. I feel really awful that a good deed ended a good friendship. Lesson learned!

      Nice hub!

      Cheers~

      K9

    • cactustze profile image

      cactustze 6 years ago

      Useful tips! great...

    • cashmere profile image

      cashmere 6 years ago from India

      I don't think its ever a good idea to lend money to a friend. Keep friendship and business separate. Its never a good idea to mix the two

    • BethanRose profile image

      BethanRose 6 years ago from South Wales

      A helpful hub that outlines some key concepts to loaning money to friends. This will be helpful for me and many other people, voted up!

    • bjornborgboxers profile image

      bjornborgboxers 6 years ago from The Netherlands

      This is always a tough question/situation. You wish to help and support your friends, but you don't want money to get in the way.

      The same way you should never try to make money from your closest friends/relatives

    • SportsAgencyblog profile image

      SportsAgencyblog 6 years ago from Los Angeles, California

      I think it is not practical to loan money to a friend unless you have a lot of it to pay back when they fail to pay it.

    • profile image

      wanjikuG 6 years ago

      Thanks so much for this!! I should have read before I gave my cousin 700€ :(

    • furrypetsparadise profile image

      furrypetsparadise 6 years ago

      good info

    • georgescifo profile image

      georgescifo 6 years ago from India

      IMO, we should never load money to friends or relatives as this may harm your relationship in one war or other...in the same way, we should also try to take loan from relatives or friends...

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 6 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      I've been fortunate in that I've always gotten the money back, but it did cause some uncomfortableness in the relationship at time. If you do it, get a check for the money up front dated at a time in the future that they plan to pay you back. That way, you can help out a friend, but you know when you'll get the money back. I just did that with a friend, and it worked beautifully.

    • DIY Backlinks profile image

      DIY Backlinks 6 years ago

      Loaning money to my friends has always caused them to get

      amnesia so I don't do it anymore lol.

    • Rachelle Williams profile image

      Rachelle Williams 6 years ago from Tempe, AZ

      No, never, nada, nyet! Loaning money to a friend is probably one of the best ways to lose a friend.

    • LailaK profile image

      LailaK 6 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Very Very helpful!!! Thanks. Ohhh, and I love your mentioning of Hamlet!

    • Luzi Carbon-dean profile image

      Luzi Carbon-dean 6 years ago

      All this being said and done, means I have lost both and I could say, that my own experiences has taught me well and in a hard way. It hurts so much that the people I loved and cared the most hurts me in such a way that I as a person is afraid to trust anyone again. One said, Hey it's only money and as long as you are alive you can always see it or find it again. In a way yes, I will find it again . The sad part was that, my highly unspoken trust went with it. I am a good person. I believed other's are too. But to not see nor hear from a friend or family after a good deed was done deeply violated the person that I am. Trust and respect, values and principles combined. None was done in writing because you trusted this person so much as they have trusted you from the very beginning. Truth hurts but this is what it is for now. I have to live with it. Thank you, Eileen Goodall.

    • VENZKHVAM profile image

      VENZKHVAM 6 years ago from Milk way galaxy, trying to find a more adventurous place in another galaxy with my great followers

      Habee,

      Never ever give it to any body. If at all you are planning to give then do think that it is given for charity dont expect it back. if you expect your friendship or any other relatiuon you have is gone.,

    • Eileen Goodall profile image

      Eileen Goodall 6 years ago from Buckinghamshire, England

      I have loaned money to a number of friends that are no longer friends - either because they had no intention of ever paying me back and have disappeared, or they can't afford to pay me back, at which point I don't want it from them, and they're too embarrassed to face me even though I never mention it. I mourn the loss of latter and relinquish the former to their own karma.

    • blairtracy profile image

      blairtracy 6 years ago from Canada

      Great advice. Thanks for writing this hub.

    • cblack profile image

      cblack 6 years ago from a beach somewhere

      Sometimes you just have to cut people off. My sister for example, I can't give her money because she will blow it partying. But if she doesn't have a place to sleep then I will buy her a hotel room. She is not getting the cash though!

    • profile image

      melanie 6 years ago

      I've always found myself in the situation of being the one who needed the funds; though perhaps thats because I'm single, my parents are dead, and I have no family support or friends except for one son.

      I do now have in my life a return boyfriend from my youth; he loans me money and I always pay him back, and my son, who has more money that I do also loans it to me and of course I pay him back; the hard thing comes though when you keep running into issues-- people get tired of loaning you money- even if you do pay it back regularly and timely; they start feeling used or start treating you badly for always needing assistance.

      I'm also on disability and limited income and continuously try to better myself, but i start feeling worse and worse about myself for depending upon family and my boyfriend-- even if I make every effort to pay them... it really erodes your self esteem after awhile.

    • Luzi Carbon-dean profile image

      Luzi Carbon-dean 6 years ago

      Great comments are found here. Thank you. I found the answers to my question. Honest answers indeed!.

    • peterhark69 profile image

      peterhark69 6 years ago from Canada

      Great tips you got here. Really some very good advise you shared in here. I have been allowing some friends in the past to loan money but unfortunately, few of them didn't really pay back. After reading this, I know I was to blame myself because I trusted the friend so much that we didn't make any terms. Really great hub!

    • cephla profile image

      cephla 6 years ago from India

      Interesting hub. You've offered some really good advise. I myself stay away from loaning money to people I know. It really hasn't ended well for me in the past.

    • katiedid101 profile image

      katiedid101 6 years ago from Rural Iowa

      I really think that you have given some good advice on this topic. It is so hard to determine whether lending money to a friend is wise, but if you know they have been honest and trustworthy, you can give a shot. Now family on the other hand.... Great Hub!

    • radavis profile image

      radavis 6 years ago from New Oxford, Pennsylvania

      Great Hub! Great advice.

    • cmdugan profile image

      Cory Dugan 6 years ago from Arlington, TX

      I think a good rule of thumb is if you loan money to family or friends you have to think of it as a donation, and if they are good and pay you back it's a bonus.

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 6 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Hmmm let me see, when I lent a friend some money she got offended that I couldn't let her borrow the entire amount she needed. She never paid me for the money that she owed me. :(

    • raystine profile image

      raystine 6 years ago

      I agree! I'm always a sucker for lending people money though and it hasn't ended too well..Money and friendship don't always mix and can make things awkward if the worst happens.

    • Miss Paula profile image

      Miss Paula 6 years ago

      very interesting, this can be a sticky subject, I vote you up.

    • profile image

      RP1010 6 years ago from United Kingdom

      I have lent money to friends in the past and I think that if you are lending money to a friend you have to ultimately be prepared to write the money off.

      Would you rather lose a friend or the money - difficult one because some friendships are worth more than money! Of course a true friend would always intend on paying the money back even if it took some period of time to do so.

      I'm currently owed about 2k from a friend but he is having a difficult time so I have told him to suspend repaying me for the time being and we'll review it in a month or two.

    • Limeline99 profile image

      Limeline99 6 years ago from South Carolina

      I always lend folks money because I never know when I will be in a bind and they will have to lend me some money. Problem is, I am too proud to ask for help when I need it!

    • Bud Gallant profile image

      Bud Gallant 6 years ago from Hamilton, Ontario, Canada

      Very good hub. I've been in this situation myself. I definitely think it can work, but I'd try to avoid any large amounts personally. This is a good guide for those who are going to take their chances.

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Funny, Scott, but sad.

      Spirit, thanks for reading!

    • habee profile image
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      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      I agree, Candy!

      Thanks, cheerfulnuts and ranger!

    • Thek1ngsway profile image

      Thek1ngsway 6 years ago

      The more money you make the less value it has . If your poorer friend wants to borrow money and he has a good reason for that that if you give him the money , it will rise in value .

      I think the borrowing money its not the end of the world . You can borrow from the bank , but than again there are certain situation when that might not be the best solution (when you need the money urgently etc etc)

    • Drew Breezzy profile image

      Drew Breezzy 6 years ago from somewhere in my mind

      My philosophy when loaning money is if you lend someone money, don't expect to get it back.

    • anusha15 profile image

      Anusha Jain 6 years ago from Delhi, India

      Well, I think you could never loose a friend by giving a loan. If the person was ever a true friend, s/he will make sure that the loan is returned, except for some unavoidable situation causing delay. So I agree with you, one should help friends, but be open and honest about conditions. False assumptions and communication gaps cause you friend. After all, friend in need a friend indeed.

    • TerryXu profile image

      TerryXu 6 years ago from New York

      Good advice !I think I know how to do when it happen . Thanks ?

    • profile image

      nerncybaby1986 6 years ago

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    • WorkAtHomeGal profile image

      WorkAtHomeGal 6 years ago from Nova Scotia, Canada

      This is an excellent hub and very informative! Thank you. I just wanted to throw in that my best friend of 15 years borrowed money from me and still hasn't paid it back. Its been 3 years but I let it slid because he is between jobs.

      It has caused trust issues and a huge rift between us though, I don't think our friendship will ever be the same. It doesn't make you a BAD person to say no, some people should just never be lent money to begin with.

    • Balinese profile image

      Balinese 6 years ago from Ireland

      i used hard to say no when my friend want loan from me - and take me so long to get back my money - so i learned form my experience to NO - and give some money if i have as a gift not to all friends- only my best friend i can do that.

      i dont want to lose my friends as i can not buy friends .

      explain to them - and try not to fall out .

      great hub

      thanks

    • CZCZCZ profile image

      CZCZCZ 6 years ago from Oregon

      Great write up, friends and money can be a tough item and you provide a great overview of ways to help make sure it works, thanks.

    • Ddraigcoch profile image

      Emma 6 years ago from UK

      Great hub. My experience is friends soon upset you when they owe you money. Especially when the terms are changed to suit them and screw you!

    • ravenlt04 profile image

      ravenlt04 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      Very thorough advice about loaning money and great investment advice!

    • LRCBlogger profile image

      LRCBlogger 6 years ago

      Great advice on what can certainly be a tough situation.

    • myi4u profile image

      myi4u 6 years ago from United Kingdom

      To me, anything related to money is kind of tricky or risky. I still have that kind of thinking where you won't see either your money or your friend after a loan is given out. What you have said is also right as it depends on the kind of friends who need a loan from you as well as the urgency.

    • KateWest profile image

      KateWest 6 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      Well done.

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks, Harshit!

      Ashley, sorry you had a bad experience with personal loans.

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Jenny, excellent advice!

    • habee profile image
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      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Lol, talktofast! Let me know how many hubbers send you $!

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      boggering, thanks for your input! My kids are always getting a loan from me, but they always pay me back.

    • habee profile image
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      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Lol, Dill!

      Chris, thanks for visiting!

    • habee profile image
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      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Myhoppest tool, thanks a bunch!

    • profile image

      c-bless 6 years ago

      Fabulous info in this hub; it was a very good read. A friend once borrow some $$ and actually drew up the repayment contract. It worked out well. Generally, when someone ask and I have it, I give with the expectation of not getting it back. No stress. If it hurts my heart to give it, then I say "no". No stress.

    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 6 years ago from Guildford

      Always a tricky subject but you have covered it brilliantly. I would love to be able to give as a gift and not ask for the loan back.

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Davit, I've been pleasantly surprised at the hub's popularity!

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Hound Cat, that's sad. He must have had a big heart.

      Ahmiz, thanks a lot for reading and commenting!

    • habee profile image
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      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Aloha, Sage! Thanks for adding!

    • habee profile image
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      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks a bunch, Jamie!

    • DevBlue profile image

      DevBlue 6 years ago from Mauritius

      Good Hub. I have had bad experiences in the past on lending money to relatives. I had a lot of difficulty to get the money back and in the process became their enemies. Now my philosophy is to lend very small sum of money to needy people and in my mind I consider it as a grant. I therefore do not get annoyed If I do not get the money back.

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Doodlebugs, I feel the same way!

    • Ken Barton profile image

      Ken Barton 6 years ago

      My recommendation is to never loan to friend or family; rather, give with a generous heart expecting nothing in return. Give from your heart and let the Lord bless you in return instead.

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Taxinfo, thanks for your input!

    • habee profile image
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      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Good idea, sreekumar!

    • habee profile image
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      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      dstn, can I be your friend??

    • rontlog profile image

      rontlog 6 years ago from England

      When I had no money, no-one ever asked me for a loan.

      Several years ago, my husband and I sold a house for a small profit, and put the money in the bank for a short while. We never told anyone how much we had but within a short while several family members approached us for loans.

      The experience has been an interesting one and you learn a lot about your family, the basis of your relationships with them and their own relationship with money.

      Here's what I learnt about my family and relationships

      The speculator/gambler - my brother-in-law

      My brother-in-law is always on the look out for the next get rich quick idea. He started asking for small amounts of money, which we lent him and he repaid, but we had to say no when he wanted to borrow £20,000 for a house in Thailand which he was having built and was hoping to sell for a profit. Although we would have shared in the profit we felt it was too risky for us. We were proved right, shortly after saying no, the Thai Tsunami hit and it took him ages to sell the house.

      I trust him to repay small amounts of money, but his larger requests were too riky for me.

      Abusive relationships.

      If any of your relationships are in the slightest bit abusive do not tell them about any money you have.

      The abuser has a sense of entitlement and will see your money as their money. They will use any trick in the book to get their hands on your money.

      It is very hard to stand your ground and continue to say no to someone who is getting verbally and physically abusive when the you won't let them have access to your money.

      One member of my family, who has been verbally and emotionally abusive towards me in the past, wanted to borrow £16000 for a valid reason. I said yes as long as it was in writing. They became verbally abusive and tried to make me feel guilty for not trusting them. I stood my ground and they got a loan from the bank instead. However, they continued to try to make me feel guilty about it.

      Another family member has been verbally abusive towards me in the past and a couple of years ago kicked me when she got in rage and couldn't get her own way. She has asked me three times to lend her money, each time the amount gets bigger. Each time I say no. I don't want any financial involvement with her. I just said it was difficult to access the money as it was in a notice account and I would lose any interest.

      The last time she asked for money, she wanted to borrow £1000 to visit family in Australia. Again I said it was difficult to get hold of the money but the real reasons were a) because she is abusive towards me and b) I knew she has £500 in savings bonds which she could use and and has a credit card which she could use for the other £500.

      True to form she went ballistic and subjected me to a barrage of verbal abuse and emotional blackmail. I stood my ground and she has never asked me for money since.

      She has since inherited some money so can afford that trip to Australia, but suprise suprise has not yet gone.

      So the lessons I have learnt are, whilst I would help someone out if I felt they were really desperate, I would never tell anyone I any spare money.

      If someone really needs money, they can go to the bank for a loan. If a bank won't lend to them because they are too risky why should you?

    • navasri123 profile image

      navasri123 6 years ago

      G reat hub.. given good advice... but this not always works....

    • ewd76 profile image

      ewd76 6 years ago from Hanover, VA

      I'm not your friend, can you give me some money?

      Seriously though, good, informative post.

    • tigerman55 profile image

      tigerman55 6 years ago from Kemer, Antalya, Turkey

      I thought my friend was in need, but he just wanted to get money from me without any intention of paying it back. He did not need the money that I lent him, what he did with the money he cheated from his friends and his wife and family is unknown. He is young enough to start again, whereas I am too old to do so and so have to suffer for the rest of my life.

    • doodlebugs profile image

      doodlebugs 6 years ago from Southwest

      Loaning to friends when proper rules are set forth is one of the kindest things you can do. It can backfire though, but I'd rather help someone in need and take the chance.

    • tigerman55 profile image

      tigerman55 6 years ago from Kemer, Antalya, Turkey

      Unfortunately I found out the hard way