ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Personal Finance»
  • Frugal Living

Spinning Our Future

Updated on March 2, 2012

What is the spin?

Fretting over the future represents the 3rd least popular activity in modern society. Politicians promise positive outcomes if only we grant them our votes and our campaign contributions. Spinning the future is a guaranteed component of every stump speech and county fair baby kissing publicity opportunity. Few of us actually know what the future brings, but we can all stock up on goods and services guaranteed to make our collective and individual futures palatable.

Cotton Candy Spinner

Our future world promises no shortage of pink fluffy stickiness when a cotton candy spinner stands at the ready. There's no need to traipse off to the circus or visit the local WalMart: simply order up your own personal cotton candy machine. It's quick and easy. This item makes a great gift for forlorn clowns who see no future in their chosen vocation. Nothing cheers up the neighborhood quite like windblown sugar wrapped around a hollow paper cone.

Hoover SteamVac Carpet Cleaner with Clean Surge

Enterprising engineers adapted spinning technology to scrub flat surfaces in our homes. High speed air, water, and brushes move in a counter-clockwise ballet, concurrently picking up unwanted floor detritus. Simply dump the debris in the back yard when no one's looking. Problem solved.

This unit includes both wet and dry cleaning systems. An eight foot hose allows you to reach out to grubbiness up to eight feet away from the main unit. It's belt-less because belts are bad for vacuum cleaners unless they are designed to use belts.

Panda Small Mini Portable Compact Washer Washing Machine

Our future world trends toward miniaturization. Spinning water, in it's proper place, offers mechanical advantages. This amazing device leverages the power of hydraulics and tininess to scrub your clothes clean. Hook it up to a water source, an electricity source, and a laundry soap source: that's all you need.

Leave it in front of the TV so you can do laundry and catch up on your soaps at the same time. Forget traipsing up and down the basement stairs to tend to a behemoth when all you need to clean is your favorite tuxedo. Unshackle yourself from the shackles of non-portable washing machines,

When company comes, quickly tuck it behind the couch. Try that with a full-sized Lady Kenmore.

Salad Spinners

Our common future probably doesn't pivot on the promise of dry salad, but the knowledge that you can dry your salad through strategic application of centrifugal force certainly makes getting out of bed in the morning easier. Whirl your water chestnuts, rotate your romaine, and sequentially squeeze the moisture out of your spinach. It all tastes better when it's all not soggy.

Steering Wheel Spinner Knob

Hearken back to the carefree days of the 1990's when it was legal to talk on the phone, apply make up, check your email and steer with the other hand using a specially engineered spinner knob. All the cool kids were doing it, until nature selected them for extinction or they got jobs at McDonald's.

Squirrell Ear Corn Spinner

This spinning class for backyard rodents will keep your furry friends busy all Winter. Simply jam an ear of corn (not included, but constantly renewing) onto each arm. Gravity and the squirrel's natural lack of basic physics will do the rest.

It seems cruel, but chipmunks and squirrels have a twisted sense of humor. Add an HD web cam and you just might wake up one day as a YouTube millionaire. NBC is always looking for more content.

Spinning Reel

Should your future include feeding yourself by living off the land or lounging near a well-stocked fishing hole on a lazy Summer weekend, or both, but probably not both, consider investing in several spinning reels.

All fishing reels spin, but not are all called spinning reels. Fishermen are an obtuse bunch, no doubt.

Spin Pin Clips

I don't know what this is. It looks like something to anchor a circus tent in a tornado. I think we used these in the back yard when the dog needed to be tethered. If you know what this is, you know you obviously need several of them immediatly. Don't wait.

Senco 1R0004N DS200-AC Duraspin

Our planet's future may depend on being able to screw things together. An industrially powered screwdriver could replace gold as the investment of choice for forward-thinking futurists and aspiring carpenters. When society collapses upon itself you will gladly trade your worthless bling for working power tools. This unit easily drives 1" to 2" screws through hardwoods. A manual screwdriver gives you blisters.

Conclusion

Don't let your life spin out of control. We all need to pull together and begin spinning our future in a proper direction.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @breakfastpop: The market is glutted. No profit anymore.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      Do sell political spin? Just asking.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, nicomp, I don't have a clue how I've managed to survive all these years without owning even one of these marvelous spinning devices. I'm off to the Freight Salvage Yard right now to see if any of these remarkable products are available - at discount.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)