Bold & beautiful
taste and see!
Feel good about yourself! Be confident! Look the part! Just do it! These are just few confidence-builder lines you commonly find or use to encourage struggling neophytes. Perhaps the ones using those words are the ones needing them most. And who doesn’t? Come to think of it; more people are prone to lie than be straightforward. But of course most don’t admit it. Often people would rather wear masks than to be seen as weak, struggling or inadequate. But we knew better – more often than not, it’s just pretence, a show – and that is this cycle of denial is all about. If I’d be honest to myself, I am eating more than I should. I am lazy to exercise and yet I desire to have the abs and curbs only models and avid body builders have. I am lazy at work more often. I read the news but really don’t care what’s going on around me. I say hello to anyone with a smile, and even ask “how are you?” often enough – but it’s just hollow greetings and never really listened to the response nor care for the state of their being. I say “thank you” all the time just to be polite, without really feeling grateful. And when someone will ask how I was – the automatic response was “fine” or even “great”, and again that is coupled with a smile. However, it is not true on many occasions. I don’t use foul language in public for the sake of civility but I curse sometimes in silence. I love to present the “what you see is what you get” attitude but more often what you don’t see is what you get! I hate to be told what to do – yet I can’t claim to be totally responsible who doesn’t need a little push once in awhile, because I do. I hate short cuts when it comes to others but found myself doing the same, especially under pressure. In short - I go through the motions, I know the mechanics but I don’t have the heart.
Education has refined my manners to move with decency and a bit of sophistication, but deep inside is a brute beast just waiting to be unleashed. Why is that? Ever wonder why you feel like your agenda is the correct one most of the time? As if I
knew better than the rest of the guys? Ever felt as if I am sexier, more intelligent, better qualified, best equipped, smarter, even felt that I deserve higher respect than my peers? Only to find one day that I’ve been overshadowed by the least of my acquaintance? Or someone of dubious less esteemed or of unknown origin got the preferential treatment? Then I felt bad and the beast within begins to manifest. That is attitude! Anything that pertains to me or belongs to me is perceived as more important even though I knew I am just on equal footing among the rest. And I thought I have learned from my years at school, or perhaps this conflicting attitude is what I get from the institutions I’ve attended, or perhaps this is just a product from that mould? Again I am buck-passing didn’t I? Am I connecting?
Now, ever wonder why babies or even small kids are all beautiful? Yes because they are bold! They don’t have decency, they lack sophistication, mostly bald, no teeth, very demanding, can’t take care of themselves, totally dependent, needing consistent assurance and even selfish! Most of all, they are simple, truly honest to what they feel nor see, unassuming, not ashamed to mispronounce a word – all the time. They ask questions, they have a sense of wonder, they explore. They easily forget and forgive. They were not ashamed to cry, anytime. They smile and laugh a lot even on themselves. They play a lot, they can see a toy in every part of their world, they even risk getting hurt – yes they are bold! Kids also imitate or innovate careless of whoever may get the credit. They also are very keen to fear, they only ‘see’ things with beautiful eyes, no sense of ugliness, very accepting. They easily can relate to colours, sounds and smell. Theirs is a world of wonder. They don’t rationalize all the time. They are not afraid to be unique, they are transparent; they hold no secrets. They take their time; no hectic schedules. They don’t procrastinate, their time is now!
So what does that do with me? A whole lot my friend, because I wanted to be beautiful; to be loved; to be accepted by all people, associations and institutions. Come on, don’t you wish the same? But I have lost the child-like wonder; the simplicity, the boldness to be honest all the time even to myself. I have overcome most of my fears. My laughter is predominantly induced by jokes or even insults thrown to other people. I frown over simple things. I accept more readily complicated things. I learned to love challenges. I had been functioning with a mind-set as conditioned by those learning institutions; that should have taught me to be better in the first place. I have surrendered my innocence over sophistication in the name of learning. I tried so hard to be abreast with the changes brought by trends just to be ‘in’ the crowd. Subconsciously I learned to conform to social values of the prevailing times, whether they are beneficial or outrageous. In some instances, norms even dictate my attitude and in a way - I have lost character. Knowing that – I don’t blame anyone, rather, it should drive me to self re-discovery, the real me. To regain what has been lost! I’ve got no time, so the time is now! To be bold and beautiful once again!