10 Things That Some May Consider Cool About Public Drunkness

Do not adjust your desktop or laptop screen. The headline of this hub is correct. There is a reason. And as you read my story, you will understand completely.

Abusing alcohol in any form is rough, to say the least. Constant abuse of alcohol in any form can lead to many dark things including a "killing addiction": alcoholism, poverty, and even death if alcohol is abused and then the abuser attempts to drive a motor vehicle.

Abusing alcohol can easily lead to losing one's companion, children, job, and respect of their friends, to say nothing about how abusing alcohol can rob the abuser of their self-respect little by little until they have no self-esteem and will think nothing about doing what is necessary for their next "drunken binge."

You think I am exaggerating? Go to any AA meeting you choose and say nothing, but take a good, honest look at the crowd of men and women who have faced "the beast," alcohol, and are in the early attempts to regain their dignity.

Ahhh, but I sometimes get way too dramatic. And one-sided. Such is the sign of a narrow-mind. So with that mild, soul-mending confession, I am going to do something for the liberal-thinkers who read my materials. I would sure hate to be thought of as someone who shuns people of different opinions. One who lives in his *"cement towers," afraid to mingle with everyone who makes up society.

I want to, at this time, share some things with you that I think will appease these liberal-thinkers who may scorn me for the truthful things I said above about the destructive influences and results I said about abusing alcohol.

I call this controversial list of things . . .

10 Things That Some May Consider Cool About Public Drunkness

When you are drunk in public . . .

YOU INSTANTLY GAIN -- a colorful reputation and people talk about you at parties and picnics for being a "loner," and a man who goes his own way. Until you started getting drunk in public, you thought your life of sobriety was boring.

YOU ARE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE -- for causing people who would otherwise not do any physical exercise, get in shape quickly when they have to step over you when you are face-down on the sidewalk from meandering from a wild booze party the night before.

YOU SOLVE THE PROBLEM -- of people who suffer from extreme-boredom because you give them something new to see each Monday morning because each Monday finds you laying in a different position.

YOU HELP WITH THE LOCAL -- unemployment crisis. Talk is from city hall that there is going to be a lot of police officers laid-off due to budget cuts, but thanks to your abuse of alcohol, the cops who fear losing their jobs will be kept on duty to make sure you do not get run over by a mechanical street sweeper.

YOU HELP TO BRING DOWN -- the percentage of people who are depressed by giving them someone to laugh at and since you have little self-respect, their laughing does not hurt you at all due to you sleeping off the booze for hours.

THANKS TO YOUR -- acting like a squad of six "liberty-hungry" Marines and trying to drink all of the whiskey in every bar on the block, innocent citizens are given something new to pass their time: Figuring out a catchy-name for you, the new town drunk. Some like "Booze Clues," and then some like "Slosh Josh." Point is, you are attacking the problem of complacency among the townspeople.

YOUR BOOZING -- will act as a traffic deterrent for people who drink and drive. You see, when you pass out on the sidewalk, your body is big enough to get the attention of people who drive while intoxicated and they will stop to ask you for directions not knowing you are "out of it" for the night and without you even realizing it, you will help save those drivers' lives.

YOU CAN TAKE CREDIT -- for helping to lead other "town drunks" to start attending AA and get their lives straightened-out. Now isn't public drunkness cool, man?

YOUR BEING DRUNK -- in public will help to save the lives of stray dogs and cats because these precious animals will see you sleeping on the sidewalk and think you are a soft cushion and lay on you to get some sleep and not be in traffic to endanger their lives.

YOU HAVE ALWAYS -- wanted a new job, now you have one: "Funneling alcohol," and your new work is panhandling as much loose change and cash as you can from sympathetic citizens just so you can have sufficient funds to visit your favorite bars and drink yourself into oblivion.

My main point is: If you think that none of these ideas are funny, consider alcohol abuse. Because no one is laughing at any given AA meeting.