5 Reasons Why I Choose to be Non-Competitive
A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it, it just blooms."-Zen Shin
You will face tough competition this week!
The above line in my weekly horoscope today set me thinking about competition. Immediately realizing that today for me there is none. I don’t compare or contrast my life with anyone any longer. Not because I have achieved unparalleled success or have become the richest woman on the earth but because I am HAPPY; more than ever before.
Competition is said to be a natural result of evolution. It also helps you improve your self-esteem, keeps you focused and motivated and also to some extent a better worker but I consciously chose to give it up. I have come to the conclusion that to make the best of what you have is good, to strive for improvement in all spheres of life is still better but it is destroying when you peg your happiness on being better than others. We are what we are and our aim should be to better that as a loving, caring and caring human being. The reasons I gave up on being competitive because I had to suffer from all of the below:
Isolation: The earliest memory of being highly competitive is from school. I had to achieve the top position in every stratum. No one else fought so hard for these coveted positions as I did. It is hard wired in us humans especially in those who grew up in competitive cultures. Winning in academics, sports and everything else is most important. What I didn’t realize then was that in the process I lost out the chance to befriend several classmates. I was looked upon as the girl who will rat on their pranks and spoil the fun.
Today I understand that many people thought of me as haughty and arrogant. I lost many potential friends and maybe even lost out on the love of my life. Now I know the value of these friendships when I faced tough times and they came and stood by me because now I have formed bonds based on mutual trust and understanding after having given up on jealousy and envy. Being less competitive thus makes you more open and balanced
Relationship Issues: My friends had to be mine only and there were twinges of jealousy if another pair had a better equation. I couldn't bear to see my boyfriend talk to another woman and felt ignored. I was more focused on how my looks and clothes were better than others. I still wanted to be the best though, so I was jealous and unreasonable. I had a major heartbreak and lost all my friends at that time.
Today at this age I realize how unreasonable I was and how insincere I must have appeared to everyone around me because I was so self-absorbed. Now I am much happier with my husband. I don’t compete with him or other men/women for a piece of conversation. I don’t nag him when couples around me buy things or go for vacations because I realize that our life is ours and we don’t need to compare. It makes you look out to the world and be more accepting.
Low-Self Esteem and Rigidity : I developed an inferiority complex. I was jealous, insecure and enclosed myself in my shell. It was misplaced competition that led to me being alone and lonely. This was the most difficult as it gave me lot of negative energy and stress.
Today I realize that people find me more approachable. I am calmer than I was ever because now I accept the results of a certain incident even if they are not as favorable to me. It has helped to me to build my self esteem and I no longer feel that I suffer from complexes.
Burnout: By the time I was in college academics took a back seat. It was a case of total burnout. I lacked ambition and did not focus on any activity be it academic or skill building. I should have been focused on a career and a stable income. This was a major misstep and I have still not recovered from the loss.
Yet at present I am happy to be on my own and have given in to my creative urges. I read and write and make whatever money possible. Giving up being competitive has now made me content and a better worker. I have been able to tap hidden potential in myself. I am able to derive pleasure from simply tutoring children and bringing something positive to their lives.
Self-Absorption: I would compete for praise, attention, love and care not knowing that I was bringing friction in my ties. Relatives were wary of me. Some didn't want to involve themselves and some hated me for being good just as I hated them for being better. It had become a vicious circle. I was ruthless;
Finally after having given up being competitive I have gained back that loving set of family. I have become a better person who is motivated towards the general good and is less driven by her ego. Contentment comes when all in your family are concerned for you.
Now I compete only with my-self and strive to love and nurture my-self and those around me. I strive to be content. We are what we are and our aim should be to better that as loving, caring and caring human beings.