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A Fly on the Wall

Updated on January 26, 2013

Ever hear someone say, "man, I wish was a fly on that wall?" I have, and I haven't quite figured out if I would really want to be a fly on a wall. I mean, if you really think about it, it's kinda gross - you know…being a fly. I do understand the concept behind the phrase, though, and know that it simply means that one would want to be in the same room that certain individuals have been in, when they made some decision or witnessed an important event in which no one really knows the full details or story.

This got me thinking about some recent events that have happened that I have a hard time explaining why, or how they could have come to be. So here's a short list of situations where I would have loved to be a fly on the wall in the rooms of these key events:

1) The CountyBoard of Supervisors of Santa Barbara Kid's Obesity Meeting. The county Board of Supervisors in Santa Clara County, California, decided recently, this year, to ban happy meals and other promotions at local restaurants in order to control obesity in kids. Man, I would have loved to be the fly on the wall in the room when they came together around a conference room table. I’m guessing they were dressed in business attire, sucking down grande vanilla frappicinno's, with extra whip cream, suggesting that they ruin an American tradition and make small kids cry. I bet they also had crispy creme donuts and bagels with cream cheese served at the meeting too! Guess we’ll never really know.

2) The first time someone decided to bring a vuvuzela horn to a FIFA Soccer game. Who in their right mind would think up such a horrible idea? I would have just been curious to see the expression on this person's face when they got the idea. Was it an evil grin or "ooh, I have a great idea" look - you know the one where in a cartoon a light bulb would be shown above the person's head? I have often wondered if they performed a dry run for their prototype horn in front of a mirror or did they just bring it to the game one day and see what happens? If I was a little diptera creature stuck to the wall in this person’s house, I would want to know if they tried different techniques in front of a tv while testing it out. Might be short-lived, but entertaining to say the least.

3) The moment Georgia Democratic Representative Hank Johnson Jr. prepared his statement and comments about soldiers stationed in Guam. So during a House Armed Services Committee hearing on the defense budget, Hank Johnson Jr. made the statement that he believed that the island of Guam would tip over and capsize if anymore troops were sent there. What’s amazing, is that he appeared to be serious! He had mentioned that anymore of this influx would affect the infrastructure and ecosystem of the island. It wasn’t a metaphor! Now, what would interest me as fly on the wall, would be the time that he was sitting at a computer, searching information about Guam. Did he have a spreadsheet of data showing the numbers of troops going to the island? Maybe he was searching the internet to find out all the geographical aspects of the island to and misinterpret what he saw to draw a truly idiotic conclusion.

I would have loved to the fly on the wall, but I would take it one step further. I would like to be the fly on the computer screen, lamp or chair he was near to see him formulate this ridiculous theory. I wonder if he thinks that perpetual motion machines could save our planet’s energy problems, too!

4) The instant the man put on a gorilla mask and drove in the HOV lane in Arizona to avoid being caught by cameras. Not a fly on the wall, but maybe a fly on the dashboard. It would be hilarious! Apparently, this guy decided to beat the system by donning a gorilla mask, while driving in the HOV lane so that video traffic cameras couldn’t prove he was driving. I can only imagine this guy cackling insanely inside the mask at his creativity. If you haven’t heard about this, click below, he actually went to court many times and beat his tickets he received in the mail!

Gorilla mask in HOV lane

5) Watching the make-up crew of the show, Keeping up with the Kardashians, apply make-up to Bruce Jenner. I’m totally kidding! Under no circumstance would I ever want to be a fly on the wall in that room, nor would I ever wish something so dreadfull on anyone!

6) The first time the Geico commercial writers got together tossed around ideas for new ads featuring Michael McGlone. You’ve probably seen these commercials, where Michael asks the audience if you can really save 15% or more on your car insurance, and then answers it with silly cliches'. I think they are the funniest commercials out there right now, and I wish I could have been fortunate enough to have been near these guys to hear all the jokes and listen to new ideas for more.

7) Being in the room when the creators of the slippers for BuyBrightFeet.com developed their idea. I mean can you imagine? I know flies don’t really laugh (as far as I know), but if I was a fly I wouldn’t be able to contain myself. Even a little fly like me would have been heard across the room.

These are the most ridiculous things I have EVER seen! If you clicked on the link above, you know what I’m talking about. Who needs lights on their slippers…seriously?? I think the worst thing you could really do in the dark is stub your toe. But, do you really need special headlights to prevent that? Perhaps it might be easier to spend a few moments memorizing the layout of your home or maybe even buy a cane to feel your way around – it’s much cheaper than these things!

Note to my dearest loved ones: Please don’t get these for me for Christmas!

8) The moment the head TSA officials gathered together and decided it was okay to perform body searches on ANYONE. First of all, for them to think it’s okay to body search little kids is absolutely ridiculous! When we have lost our liberties to having our children molested at the airport, the terrorists won! I think if I was a fly on the wall in that meeting room, I would have left the wall, flown around the room, landed on their food, coffee cups, napkins, etc and left them a little something that doesn’t taste so good!

Well, those are some things that have caught my eye recently that I thought would be prime opportunities to actually be a fly and witness! What are some of yours?

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