A Lie, Is a Lie, Is a Lie, Is a Lie
What is a lie
Bold face, big fat, little white, tall tale, fable, fib, whopper, those are just a few of the tags that are applied to the lie. Webster says, pertaining to the word lie: to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive, to create a false or misleading impression, an assertion of something known or believed by the speaker to be untrue with intent to deceive, something that misleads or deceive. You know what I didn't see in that meaning, I didn't see any color, size, or shape. So, a lie, is a lie, is a lie. Let's examine this.
Why some lie
People lie for various reasons. For instance, some lie to get out of a compromising situation, some to make themselves look good, to make others feel good, to hurt, and humiliate others, still others lie just because it's in their nature, they lie for no good reason, just for the sake of lying. Of course, there are other various and sundry reasons, too numerous to go into at this time. For now we'll deal with just a few.
Sir Walter Scott wrote, "oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive." That applies in a lot of cases when people lie. Ever tried to get out of a lie, when caught in one? Didn't you find yourself getting in deeper and deeper, especially when you are caught in a compromising situation? Have you ever tried to replicate the same lie when trying to make yourself look good, (it turns into the fish story)? Now here's a tricky one, trying to make a person feel good with maybe ulterior motives, and they knew you were lying? Then there's the age old one about trying to hurt or humiliate someone, what about when the tables were turned on you? What about the person who lies just because he can, no real good reason. Have you ever met someone like that, you can't believe a word they say. I've known people like that, they can tell you the sun is shinning, on a 100 degree day in August in California, and because they lie so much, you just have to go out and see for yourself. You see, lying for some is a way of life, for whatever reason, they feel to tell the truth is unnecessary in most cases, and because they are so skilled at it, it becomes hard to know when they are lying.
How to tell when someone is lying
Although research is not my strong suit, at times I must. Most of the results from my research is from the Internet, from articles on the eHow.com site, blifaloo.com, and forbes.com. I found many of these techniques are used by the police, managers, employers, etc., in circumstances when distinguishing the truth from a lie is important. Let's face it sometimes it just doesn't matter to some, more about that later.
Here are a few signs to look for: Eyes........It's been said a person who is lying avoids eye contact, but these days skilled liars have just about mastered that one. It's said at the moment of the lie, some will look, only briefly, to the right or the floor, while others will make, and hold, eye contact more than usual, in an attempt to defeat this theory. However, there is something called, "visual accessing cues." First, let me state, all of these things should be taken with a grain of salt. None of these rules, etc, are set in stone. But I digress. Visual accessing cues, is a very convoluted method of determining when a person is telling the truth or lying. I found it very interesting, but it was too long to include here, I suggest you research it for yourself.
Body language : Stiff hands, and arms, touching the face, mouth, and throat. Scratching of the nose, and behind the ear. Rapid eye movement, constant swallowing. Wide-eyed innocent look. Then again when someone is faking emotions, it's done with the mouth only, not the whole face.
Verbal: Speaking more than necessary, giving more details than needed, garbled and soft spoken words. Rise in voice, change in pitch and pace.
Do you really want to know
Some people would rather be lied to, than to be told the truth. Like the old song by Brook Benton, entitled "Lie to me." In the song, Mr. Benton, says something to effect, "lie to me, make me believe every word you say." For instance, someone might ask how does this look on me, especially if they think it looks good, they want you to say so too, if you tell them the truth, that it doesn't, they're offended. Another situation, a woman might suspect her mate is cheating on her, but she's so afraid to lose him, that no matter what she is told, she'd rather not have the truth verified, either by him or anyone else, in which case she'd rather hear the lie. So, before you embark upon any of those, supposed, findings, ask yourself, "do I really want to know?"
Me and the lie
I've gone through several phases in my life in this regard. When I was a little girl, I often lied to get out of tough situations, or to make myself look good in front of my friends. As I got older, surprisingly, I learned the truth was much better, because it was a lot easier to keep up with a story. I became so brutally honest, I became known as tactless. I'd tell a person they were fat, if they asked or not. I'd say things looked bad when it really did. I've never been one to hurt peoples feelings, so when I learned that my brand of truth was sometimes painful, I had to learn a new way. Along the way I've learned to be truthful, using tact and diplomacy.
There are situations in which I've learned to be diplomatic, I'll explain. You know, we were not all born beautiful, some of us had a rocky start in the looks department, that being said there are some babies that you just can't really tell it the way it is. My solution is to say, when I'm presented with one of those unfortunate little ones is to just say, "oh he/she is so sweet,"(all babies are sweet, right), and comment on a body part that is exceptional, like maybe, the hair, or fingers etc. I specifically look for something I can use. Now, everybody feels good, I didn't have to lie, and the parent still feels good about their little one.
I used to work at a major department store, in the women's department. When a customer would put on something that wasn't especially figure flattering, I would tactfully say, something to the effect that, maybe they would be more comfortable in something else that I would bring them, or if I could not find anything else I would say that it didn't fit their personally. To be honest that would be the truth, because not all clothes are for all people. We don't all look good in the same things. I was able to become one of the top salesperson's, because I gained a reputation, for my honest, and tactful handling of these situations. I'm not going to sit here and say I never lie, because that would be a lie, but I work really hard at being the most honest person I can be. These days I find it easier to be honest, because lying is just too hard, and I just don't want to work that hard anymore.
A lie, is a lie, is a lie, is a lie
So, when contemplating telling a lie, remember a lie has no shape, color, or size, meaning you're not telling a little white lie, a whopper, or a big fat lie. You're simply telling a lie. Be sure that you are willing to face the consequences of your actions, and tread lightly, because a lie, is a lie, is a lie, is a lie.
- How to Detect Lies - body language, reactions, speech patterns
Illustrated guide to signs of deception along with a huge selection of resources on lying, body language and micro expressions.
- Lying quotes