Anger: Deal with It or It Will Deal with You

I used to have a problem with anger; heck, I still have a bit of it, but it is nowhere near as bad as it was years back.

I never got violent or broke things when I got angry (thankfully), but I did become a bit careless with my words and ended up hurting a few people I loved.

The result of such carelessness was me losing a few relationships I held dear; this cost me and this taught me to tame my words.

We all get angry. Anger is a perfectly natural (and is sometimes a fitting) reaction to certain situations. However, where the problem lies is when we get angry too often, or let our anger get the best of us.

Most of us know that one family member, friend, or acquaintance who 'blows hot' at the slightest provocation and then gets verbally or emotionally abusive. We in turn feel angry ourselves or feel emotionally strained around them, especially if this is something that happens often.

Unchecked anger is like a time bomb that will destroy everything in its path. Some of the ways unbridled anger hurts us is that:

- It creates fear and distrust in the receiver. You become scared of this person, unsure of how they would react in situations, and where is a relationship without trust?

- With constant fear comes tension. You are forever tensed as you expect the worse from this angry person.

- Overtime, unbridled anger will make you resent this angry person and this create a distance between you both. Soon they'll discover you've become strangers and wonder how that happened.

Read this story to see how devastating unchecked anger can be

June curled up on the bed, depressed and crying from the pain she felt. Memories of her recent fight with Jake,
her boyfriend, played over in her mind. She went over how it all went the last time she'd gone to his house. Things hadn't been great between them so she'd gone visiting so they could talk things over.

She got to the door but hesitated, a bit anxious about seeing him again. She took a few deep breathes to steady her racing heart, then made to knock.

Her hand paused few inches from the door and she could feel her heartbeat becoming erratic.

It'd been a while they saw. Yes, they spoke on the phone the times she called, but it wasn't the same. She could feel him slipping away and she was scared. She loved him desperately and didn't want to lose him.

She remembered the row they'd had and settled just last week. His dwindling calls and visits were getting to her and made her explode. Thank God they finally settled, although she didn't buy the excuse he gave (having a tough time at the office shouldn't make him stop calling her), but she decided to let things slide. Henceforth, she was willing to give the relationship her best shot.

With that happy thought and a big smile plastered on her face, she finally knocked.

The door was thrown open on her second knock and she came face to face with -- a stranger. Another woman?

The lady returned June's stare, her expression blank. June felt her mind go blank, not knowing what to make of the situation. Suddenly, another image came into her line of vision and she felt the blankness suddenly fill with blind rage. It was Jake, her boyfriend in boxers.

One look at her face and he came rushing to the door, fearful of the situation he could see building.

"June, it's not what you think..... "he started.

"Spare me! You lying, cheating bastard! " June spat. "So this is why you've been acting up - because of this bitch!"

"What has come over you, June?"Jake warned. "You're at it again!

"At what?! She fumed. "You brought a slut home and you expect me to keep quiet!

"I've been quiet all this while, watching you", the other lady spoke for the first time. "- refusing to believe anyone can be this uncouth or volatile....."

The lady's words were cut shut by June's reaction. She stood stunned, her palm to her cheek where June had just hit her, then she turned to Jake. "Is this the girl you've been talking about? - the one you got me all the way here for?"

The series of events that unfolded next left June in a dark maze of pain and regret. How was she to know Jake had been telling the truth when he said he had problems at the office. How could she also have known the strange lady doubled as his boss' wife and also his kid sister who had waded in to try to settle the growing rift between her husband and her brother, Jake.

June stood stunned at the revelation, too shocked to even apologize and highly doubtful the apology would be accepted.

It wasn't.

Jake described her action as 'the last straw'. In his words, he didn't think he could be with her anymore as she was "a volcano waiting to erupt".

She was heartbroken, but in a way, she knew he was right in his response to her shameful actions.

Anger can be a very strong emotion and quite a number of people don't know how to manage it. When you let your anger go uncontrolled, it can negatively affect those around you, making them feel alienated from you.

If you are currently having a battle with anger, here's how you can manage it.

- Consider walking away from a situation if you find yourself getting very angry. Give yourself some time away from the situation until you are much calmer and can respond in a non-confrontational or non-violent way.

- If you are unable to leave the environment at the time, then practice some relaxation techniques. Count to 10 if you can, or take in deep breathes to calm your emotions.

-Identify why you feel angry and address that reason non-confrontationally.

- Speak calmly if you can as a soft answer is more likely to diffuse a potential bomb explosion.

- Consider getting professional help if managing the situation is not working.

- Get someone to make you accountable. This person should already know of your anger problem and how serious it is. They should also be as committed to seeing you change as you are and hold you accountable for your actions.

- Keep a journal and record all the times you got angry. You should also list out things that triggered these angry episodes as well as steps or ways to avoid them.

- Keep at it. You will experience a few relapse when you start, however if you are committed to changing, you will begin to see some changes after a while.

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