ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Anger: Deal with It or It Will Deal with You

Updated on June 28, 2020
Isivwe Muobo profile image

Farah Young is a researcher and writer that continues to write on topical issues as they affect people.

Anger: Deal with It or it Will Deal With You

I used to have a problem with anger; heck, I still have a bit of it, but it is nowhere near as bad as it was years back.

I never got violent or broke things when I got angry (thankfully), but I did become a bit careless with my words and ended up hurting a few people I loved.

The result of such carelessness was me losing a few relationships I held dear; this cost me and this taught me to tame my words.

We all get angry. Anger is a perfectly natural (and is sometimes a fitting) reaction to certain situations. However, where the problem lies is when we get angry too often, or let our anger get the best of us.

Most of us know that one family member, friend, or acquaintance who 'blows hot' at the slightest provocation and then gets verbally or emotionally abusive. We in turn feel angry ourselves or feel emotionally strained around them, especially if this is something that happens often.

Unchecked anger is like a time bomb that will destroy everything in its path. Some of the ways unbridled anger hurts us is that:

- It creates fear and distrust in the receiver. You become scared of this person, unsure of how they would react in situations, and where is a relationship without trust?

- With constant fear comes tension. You are forever tensed as you expect the worse from this angry person.

- Overtime, unbridled anger will make you resent this angry person and this create a distance between you both. Soon they'll discover you've become strangers and wonder how that happened.

Anger is Cancerous

Anger is like cancer that continues to eat at your insides, until soon there's not much left that is healthy or useful.

A Short Story...

Read this story to see how devastating unchecked anger can be

June curled up on the bed, depressed and crying from the pain she felt. Memories of her recent fight with Jake,
her boyfriend, played over in her mind. She went over how it all went the last time she'd gone to his house. Things hadn't been great between them so she'd gone visiting so they could talk things over.

She got to the door but hesitated, a bit anxious about seeing him again. She took a few deep breathes to steady her racing heart, then made to knock.

Her hand paused few inches from the door and she could feel her heartbeat becoming erratic.

It'd been a while they saw. Yes, they spoke on the phone the times she called, but it wasn't the same. She could feel him slipping away and she was scared. She loved him desperately and didn't want to lose him.

She remembered the row they'd had and settled just last week. His dwindling calls and visits were getting to her and made her explode. Thank God they finally settled, although she didn't buy the excuse he gave (having a tough time at the office shouldn't make him stop calling her), but she decided to let things slide. Henceforth, she was willing to give the relationship her best shot.

With that happy thought and a big smile plastered on her face, she finally knocked.

The door was thrown open on her second knock and she came face to face with -- a stranger. Another woman?

The lady returned June's stare, her expression blank. June felt her mind go blank, not knowing what to make of the situation. Suddenly, another image came into her line of vision and she felt the blankness suddenly fill with blind rage. It was Jake, her boyfriend in boxers.

One look at her face and he came rushing to the door, fearful of the situation he could see building.

"June, it's not what you think..... "he started.

"Spare me! You lying, cheating bastard! " June spat. "So this is why you've been acting up - because of this bitch!"

Anger Unchecked

Overtime, unbridled anger will make you resent this angry person and this create a distance between you both.

Soon they'll discover you've become strangers and wonder how that happened.

Anger Question...

Do you know anyone who has lost promising relationships due to anger?

See results

"What has come over you, June?"Jake warned. "You're at it again!

"At what?! She fumed. "You brought a slut home and you expect me to keep quiet!

"I've been quiet all this while, watching you", the other lady spoke for the first time. "- refusing to believe anyone can be this uncouth or volatile....."

The lady's words were cut shut by June's reaction. She stood stunned, her palm to her cheek where June had just hit her, then she turned to Jake. "Is this the girl you've been talking about? - the one you got me all the way here for?"

The series of events that unfolded next left June in a dark maze of pain and regret. How was she to know Jake had been telling the truth when he said he had problems at the office. How could she also have known the strange lady doubled as his boss' wife and also his kid sister who had waded in to try to settle the growing rift between her husband and her brother, Jake.

June stood stunned at the revelation, too shocked to even apologize and highly doubtful the apology would be accepted.

It wasn't.

Jake described her action as 'the last straw'. In his words, he didn't think he could be with her anymore as she was "a volcano waiting to erupt".

She was heartbroken, but in a way, she knew he was right in his response to her shameful actions.

How to Manage Your Anger

Anger can be a very strong emotion and quite a number of people don't know how to manage it. When you let your anger go uncontrolled, it can negatively affect those around you, making them feel alienated from you.

If you are currently having a battle with anger, here's how you can manage it.

- Consider walking away from a situation if you find yourself getting very angry. Give yourself some time away from the situation until you are much calmer and can respond in a non-confrontational or non-violent way.

- If you are unable to leave the environment at the time, then practice some relaxation techniques. Count to 10 if you can, or take in deep breathes to calm your emotions.

-Identify why you feel angry and address that reason non-confrontationally.

- Speak calmly if you can as a soft answer is more likely to diffuse a potential bomb explosion.

- Consider getting professional help if managing the situation is not working.

- Get someone to make you accountable. This person should already know of your anger problem and how serious it is. They should also be as committed to seeing you change as you are and hold you accountable for your actions.

- Keep a journal and record all the times you got angry. You should also list out things that triggered these angry episodes as well as steps or ways to avoid them.

- Keep at it. You will experience a few relapse when you start, however if you are committed to changing, you will begin to see some changes after a while.

Recommended Reading...

7 Reasons Why Women Break Up with Men

No one likes a breakup, especially if you were really into your ex and didn't see the breakup coming. Find out seven common reasons why women breakup with men.

5 Big Signs Your Ex Wants You Back and How You Can Make It Happen

If you're still into your ex and would like to get back with them see some ways you can achieve this...

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2020 Farrah Young

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)