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My "Obamaphone" Complaints

Updated on March 27, 2016
An "Obamaphone" (They really do work OK)
An "Obamaphone" (They really do work OK)

Why doesn't anyone like a smartass?

Advertising sign on a lamp post in the French Quarter of New Orleans: “Nobody likes a smartass.”

There it was, but I didn't realize that the sign was advertising a long-running play. I thought that it had been stuck onto the lamp post by one of the unliked. Oh well...

The writers of “dumb poems” are kinda like the folks pointed to on that sign, but there is a big difference. Dumb poem writers are not disliked. They may be dismissed as less than literate, but even their harshest critics read their words and find it difficult to suppress smiling.

Today is Monday. Another way of saying that would be to describe the day as Molification Day. My goal today is to make dumb poem critics feel better about their fussing over this dumb poem variety of illiterate literature. What better topic would assist that in its ultimate fruition than apolitical politics – namely, Big Government largesse – to wit, the free “Obamaphone.”

My "Obamaphone" Complaints

I carry my free cell phone proudly.
It sounds off bigtime - very loudly
when a welcome call comes in.
Right then I lift it to my chin.

Thank you, Uncle Sam, my dear.
This free cell phone fits my left ear.
I use it plenty just to yak.
The nice thing's you don't want it back.

It surely beats a shared phone line
Exclusive use for me's real fine.
But even so, complain I must -
You'll fix the problems? Can we trust?

The little buttons are too small,
and of the problems, that's not all.
I called welfare (roust 'em some).
Never answered. Phone's a bum.

Its display panel is too tiny
Makes the words too teeny-finey.
The plastic case is just plain black.
Reminds me of a heart attack.

The ringing of this phone's so loud
It ticks off all the movie crowd.
Got me tossed days in a row.
That really bugs me – now you know.

Battery's weak and I can't charge.
Electric bill was way too large.
Lights went off the other day.
(That's a bill someone should pay.)

As you can see, there's work to do
to make "Obamaphones" like new.
As good's they are, they could be better.
Hope you liked my cell phone letter.


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