Britain, Let's Fix It!

The politics of the last year in Britain has been a mess. We had an European Union Membership Referendum that ended in, what is essentially, Christmas for racists; we got a new prime minister then we were given the opportunity (less than a year later) to vote for a new prime minister and then, just to top off the rollercoaster of a year, we had the revelation that the leader of our country vandalises wheat fields...

Brexit was a terrible idea and it's only getting worse so far! First we were told lies about how much money would go to the NHS then we were told that we were never told that! When will this planet learn not to listen to a racist when they make promises?

The very concept of Brexit chills me to the bone. Under the last few governments we've dealt with multiple recessions and this would cause yet another: except this time with more issues such as thousands (if not millions) of Europeans being sent out of the country to be replaced with a load of drunks that make a living via armed robbery in Tenerife. When we finally "face the music" of Brexit, I feel like the apocalypse that will be caused by the tiny handed, orange pensioner that the US calls a president, will be a sort of warm embrace: like the hug of a loving mother taking us away from the pointless lives we have after our country collapses.

I may be being a little dramatic but you get my point. This country has suffered just based on the decision to leave, before we even have left. In the months since the referendum, relations with EU Member Nations have deteriorated greatly and, frankly, I'm worried. We were sold Brexit based on a increase in British exports and a decrease in imported goods but, since the rest of Europe hates us, this seems highly unlikely.

Theresa May, looking like a headmistress who has been told the school survived the fire she started, has been making more U-turns than a dementia sufferer on a road trip. At the time of the referendum, May was supporting the remain campaign and now she is headed for a Brexit so hard that B&Bs won't be allowed to serve Black Pudding anymore for fear of offending racists. Who can trust a woman who changes her mind every time she opens her mouth?

So the EU membership referendum was basically a referendum to decide if we wanted to change our prime minister from the pig violator to someone worse... say a woman that thinks running through wheat fields is worse than allowing the deaths of thousands of refugees.

Straight after this referendum we had a new (unelected) prime minister and the country was, understandably, an emotional wreck. We‘d just got rid of one psychopathic leader and replaced him with another. Theresa May had already served in Parliament as head of Home Office creating a tsunami of anti-immigration propaganda that she now surfs on as a prime minister so right-wing that John Major could lead us left.

What does all this mean for Britain? Well we are now led by someone who’s catchphrase during the election sounds like she’s recently divorced, she has policies that just seem to be fulfilling vendettas and she looks like she’s having a “end of life” crisis of some kind. How are we supposed to feel about her? Stormzy openly showed support for Corbyn and so did all of Glastonbury Festival it seems.

Personally, I don't like Corbyn and feel like he reminds me too much of a high school Geography teacher but I can see the appeal. His policies are based much more in the ideals of the younger generation and helping the working class, as Labour should be. However, this younger audience is probably why they lost the election: Corbyn was most popular amongst 16&17 year olds who cannot yet vote but the next election will probably see a landslide in his favour. At this rate, the next election will be in a few months time and Corbyn will be sat on his throne made of Communist Manifestos and surrounded by a swarm of first time voters who adore him.

In today's political climate, there's basically nobody I can vote for in good conscience. New labour feels too left wing, Conservatives make Hitler look centrist and Liberal Democrats are now irrelevant. No vote I could cast would make any difference when the parties that have the most likable manifestos to me are so small that their single seat in parliament is the one of the janitor, waiting for the MPs to leave.

What was the biggest meme of 2017? Theresa May, in an interview last year, was questioned on the "naughtiest thing" she did. Her response quickly went viral, mentioning that she used to run through the wheat fields and "the farmers weren't too pleased about that". What in the right mind possessed May to say that? It was a stupid decision, not to mention a lie.

May has done may things worse than that which I'm sure you all know of but I'll briefly outline them here anyway.

For a start, she didn't represent herself in the debates for the General Election and had just about everyone else do so on her behalf. We were asked to vote for a woman who barely showed her face throughout her entire campaign. This led to a great deal of distrust and, justifiably, the country hates her.

Additionally, during her long time in the Home Office, she caused huge cuts on policing and caused the loss of 20,000 officers jobs between 2010 and 2017. She was warned about this in 2015 a Greater Manchester Police Officer that these cuts were leaving them short on intelligence to help prevent terror attacks and putting the public at risk. Luckily, she made up for the lack of intelligence by using her new Investigatory Powers Bill to spy on everyone in the UK under the guise of a security measure. This bill would grant security agencies and police a range of powers to invade anyone's privacy.

Just in case people in Britain still liked her, she used her position (which she got from a much older demographic by the way) to propose a dementia tax that can effectively take the homes of dementia sufferers if they can't pay for up to £23,250 of care in their own home. Needless to say, May is not a very popular prime minister and she knows it. She's now playing up to it, like a beaten wife who was told her injuries are only slightly below a threshold for her to be compensated as a millionaire.

I'd like to, somewhat briefly, return to my point about Brexit. It will basically be Christmas for racists as I said but I'd like to expand on that.

See, the point of Brexit for most of the voters was to limit immigration but they didn't really think this through, did they? The type of immigrants that the Brexit supporters hate are Asian or Middle-Eastern and so this does not even affect them! That doesn't matter though because, due to the delays we're seeing on Brexit, the 65 year old ex-miners that voted for it will be dead before it ever even happens.

The whole campaign for Brexit was fronted by UKIP, specifically Farage who, as soon as the result was called, backpedalled on every promise he made which was obviously easy, it's not like he'd wrote them on a bus...