Close Down the Colleges!
Buzzy Prepares a Feast
Good Morning, Breakfastpoppers. Today s Monday, June 22, 2015. Our busy friend, Buzzy, is with us this morning at the breakfast table. Buzzy has prepared several ham and cheese quiches for your enjoyment. He will accompany the quiches with home fries and freshly baked croissants. I will add to the pleasure by serving Irish coffees. Buzzy has just returned from a fly-by over the National Mall. He witnessed firsthand the demise of our country if it is left in the hands of today's college students. Please join us for breakfast so that Buzzy can explain what he experienced.
Did I Hear This Correctly?
Thank you all for coming to breakfast this morning. I had a busy week-end and I couldn't wait to share the bad news with you. If the majority of college students I encountered this week-end are any example of what our future citizenry looks like, it is time to hit the road. Better yet, it is time to stop wasting money on higher education that is producing graduates who can't think their way out of a paper bag. The group Campus Reform sent correspondent Cabot Phillips to the National Mall to interview students passing by. He spoke to them about candidates seeking to become president and the answers they gave will make you want to pull the covers over your head and stay out of sight. Those among you who have kids in college may be tempted to get in touch with them and ask them a few questions modeled after those asked by Cabot Philips.
General Mills for President
Students were asked about General Mills. The correspondent asked one student if the General was qualified to run for President. After all, he reasoned, the General was responsible for the loss of life during times of war. This particular student felt quite strongly that the General should not be counted out. I happen to agree because I do enjoy those fruity cereals he produces when he is on leave from the war zones. How about Senator Ford Taurus for president? Many a student thought that Senator Taurus deserved a shot at leading this country. Actually, compared to what we have now, the actual Ford Taurus would do a better job. At least we could be assured that the car would not be jetting around the country playing golf on our dime. My personal favorite candidate is Senator Don Corleone. The students had faith in his ability to lead the country in the right direction. The one certainty about a Corleone candidacy, is that he could make China, Iran, North Korea and ISIS offers they couldn't refuse.
From Bad to Worse
Just when you thought it might be safe to come out from under the blanket, the future leaders of America were asked about Congressman John Stamos. They liked him, they really liked him. The fact that he was just arrested for driving under the influence made no difference. Then again, why should it? Hilary Clinton makes a career out of misbehaving and still so many people think she's grand. They must have attended the same schools this young people attend. In any case, if it's not John Stamos the college students really liked Congressman Jon Bob Jovi! If not Bon Jovi, there is always the talented and formidable Governor Bruce Lee. At least he does know something about defense issues. I wish I could say the same for President Obama.
And so we are definitely screwed in terms of our present and our future. When people who actually go to college believe that Ford Taurus is a viable candidate, it is time to think about raising our admission standards. In fact, do we still have standards or is it politically incorrect to refuse entrance to college to those too stupid to get in based upon actual intelligence? A few years after I graduated college, my school dabbled with the notion of open enrollment. When I sought entrance I had to have a high GPA and decent scores on the College Boards. Under the new policy anyone who wanted to could go to college. They had to take remedial courses to get them up to some semblance of qualifying ability. Needless to say, that never happened. The remedial courses were simply too hard to pass. After some time, open enrollment was disbanded and the school had to work very hard to regain its once great reputation. Clearly, it is now in vogue to go to college. For many students this is a complete waste of time and money. Certainly, if a student wants to pursue a career that requires a degree, attending college makes sense. On the other hand, it does not make sense for many. Success in other fields does not require a higher education. Somehow, we seem to have forgotten the simple truth of this last statement. I think Senator Don Corleone would agree that college is not for everyone. He was, after all, a practical man.
Fly me to the moon
And let me live where things make sense
Things are so weird right now
I'm feeling a little tense!