Conservatives Under Fire After Boris’s Latest Gaffe
Yesterday the world turned upside down. Boris Johnson was asked
“Is it raining”
“No, the sun is shining.”
In depth research by the conservative fact checking team, who looked through the nearest window revealed that the sun was indeed shining.
Unfortunately for Mr Johnson the gaffe was made in front of the press on live television.
A Labour party spokesperson said
“Boris has compromised the fine ancient traditions of political debate and should call an election – oh wait, forget everything after ‘debate’ Introduction of truth into politics, especially by the Conservatives, makes condemning their policies much harder.”
A Lib-Dem spokesperson said
“While we welcome the notion that politicians can tell the truth we believe the public would not accept wholesale adoption of truth.”
A DUP spokesman said this will make it impossible for the party to work with the Conservatives in future.
An unnamed SNP MP said “This means the party has to rethink its strategy, since up till now we could reliably assume the PM would do the opposite of what he promised.”
A Brexit party spokesman declined to comment because they could not stop laughing.
Mr Johnson was rushed to a private hospital where he remains. He is expected to be released soon but will not make any further public comments until doctors (who charge £2000 an hour) say he is cured.
On the street the reaction was mixed
(all names have been made up)
A Mrs Agnes Wright Nutter said
“This is disgusting. How are we to get Brexit done if people go around telling the truth? This is almost as insulting as if Aldi opened a store over the road. Next thing you know he’ll be telling us Backs are human, Muslims are not terrorists and people on benefits are not scroungers loafing around and holidaying in Spain. That’s it, I’m voting for the Brexit party and that nice Mr Garage or whatever he is called.”
An exTory supporter who did not wish to be named said
“As a lifelong Tory I am not accustomed to or capable of handling reality, let alone truth, and this has shaken the foundations of my world. I have torn up my membership card and will vote for someone else. Now where did I put that dice?”
Vox Pop and Academia
“Wrong question,” said one man, “It was raining HERE so for me it was Boris as usual. I blame a biased media for not asking the right question. Now lets get Brexit done”
and a passing woman said
“Boris did the right thing. Now you can’t be sure what he’ll do. Lets get Brexit done.”
Professor Dingbat of Nonesuch University said
“Studies show that 97% of the public want a simple lie not a complex truth let alone the ambiguity inherent in reality. If Mr Johnson continues with these shameful practices we can expect riots in the streets.”
Another unnamed academic said
“The public demand that politicians lie in easily understood terms. Truth costs votes, especially if the public have to think.”
Prince Andrew is 59