Cremation... Will It Soon Be Against the Law in Canada?

The Prime Minister promised to make smoking weed legal if he was elected. This, and his supposed charm, supposed good looks, and rolled up sleeves giving him that working man’s look, enthralled the millennials, making him a certainty to get in.

However, the seniors only saw his smug smile, arrogant stride and flashy socks. They also remembered his drama teaching background, his parents antics and his millions. The seniors may have voted unanimously against Justin if they had realized what his ‘carbon tax’ entailed.

First of all, let’s remember that carbon is a basic compound in nearly every living thing, from ants, weeds, trees, corn, tigers, dogs, horses, sharks and humans. And, there is also carbon in everything you eat or drink. All the potatoes, meat, green peas, pizza, beer or whatever, has or had contained carbon, and most of it arrived on the grocery shelf after having been trucked there - using gas.

Carbon is also a compound in dead things, and as coal and gas come from dead things, there is carbon in them. People like to refer to them as fossil fuels, but they should really be called death residues or decomposition runoffs, but those descriptions don’t quite roll off the tongue as easily as ‘fossil fuel’.

So, are we agreed that Carbon is an absolute necessity?

Good, So what’s this got to do with you? And how can the government tax it? And why would they want to? Well, technically it isn’t the carbon that’s taxed. What will be taxed are the creators of Carbon Dioxide, which is commonly known as CO2.

Why?

Because Carbon Dioxide is a greenhouse gas. The description ‘greenhouse gas’ simply means that it is a gas that prevents heat from escaping Earth’s atmosphere; in effect ‘trapping’ it on the planet.

Sounds good, doesn’t it? What Canadian wouldn’t like a warmer winter? Eventually the world would become a planet sized greenhouse. Think of the huge tomatoes we could grow. But as usual, there’s a snag, an icy snag.

The Antarctic, which is probably not on your vacation bucket list, is almost all ice, and it is the size of 2 Australias. Not only that, it is around 3 miles thick, enough to keep a fleet of Zambonis busy for a few centuries, eh? As the planet turns up the thermostat, all that ice, plus the ice in the Arctic and Greenland will melt.

That will cause the oceans to rise by 100 feet. That means saying bye bye to Florida, Venice, and a few dozen islands, like the UK and Ireland. Soon after your kids have asked you ‘Dad, what’s a beach?’ there will be a change in the States, leaving unusual landfalls, like the Prairie Lakes, and the Algonquin and Rockie islands.

But then, as the heat becomes furnace hot, all the seas will begin to evaporate, and your garden and the park will start looking like the Sahara. Once all the water has dried up the kids won’t be asking you anything. You won’t be here and neither will they, and the planet will resemble Mars on a pleasant day.

Every time we burn anything containing carbon, like a bonfire, a tank of gas, a coal fire, the carbon is altered and becomes carbon dioxide. So? So you produce CO2 all day and every day. Heck, you even cause it when you breathe, ‘cos when you exhale you emit CO2. You’re a polluter, did you know that? And here you were thinking it had nothing to do with you.

Humanity produces 27 billion tonnes of Carbon Dioxide - every year! And that’s without the barbecue. There is carbon in coal, gas, wood, paper. There is even carbon in you! 18% of the human body is composed of carbon.

So? If you decide to be cremated, like over 60% of deceased Canadians, your final act will be adding to the greenhouse gas ceiling.

But not to worry, that grandson or granddaughter you didn’t think you’d ever see, may save the day for you and humanity. A lot can happen in 20/30 years.

I just had to write this after I heard someone in a line up suggesting it. The thought of us becoming hazed up by the weed and not be asked to get burned up about it, was too good to miss.

Enjoy it while it’s here. Enjoy it while you’re here!