Dear God, Could I Have Just a Minute?
Do You Feel This Way Too:?
I said "Dear God, Could I Have a Word?"
Hoping that God heard me, I began....
I know you’re busy these days with all that is going on in the world. Normally I wouldn’t bother you with this but I think it’s time we had a little chat. I know we have an understanding between us and that you don’t judge me because I talk to you like you were sitting in this room with me. I’m sorry to be so informal but I just don’t feel any closer to you all dressed up and sitting on a pew than I do here and now. So, before I get started I want to say thanks for being here. I hope you’re not in a big hurry because this might take a little time today.
Assuming that God was listening, I continued.
When I woke up this morning I was really grouchy. Now, I’m not usually like this. Most days I wake up excited to see what the day will bring. Sometimes I get disappointed but most of the time I find something to be happy and grateful about. Today was just one of those days I guess but I couldn’t shake the grouchy off. I had an extra cup of coffee this morning too, hoping it would make a difference but no, it didn’t. So I figured I’d better have a chat with someone bigger and more powerful than me. So, here I am.
You see God, it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to turn on the news. It’s always bad and those rich guys that control the media seem to really get off on sensationalizing tragedy and oppression. I don’t get it. Are there people out there in the world that really get off on someone else’s pain?
Yeah, I hear ya. I knew the answer before I asked the question. But I don’t understand it. If they spent some of that energy helping others, the whole world would be a better place to live.
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa
There's bad news everywhere I turn.
So anyway, I turned off the news this morning after hearing about wars and celebrities abusing children, extreme weather and environmental destruction, politicians pointing fingers and the looming civil unrest over cops shooting kids. It was just all too much. I turned on the computer and waded into the world of social media. Geeze, it was just as bad as the news. My friends are sharing stories of animal abuse and neglect, wounded warriors coming home and waiting months for proper medical care, and pipelines that threaten to destroy family farms. Oh yeah, there was a lot more but it was all too much too. So, I logged off.
I hear voices in my head.
When I don’t know what else to do, I find myself standing at my kitchen window staring into space and getting lost in my thoughts. It’s really cold here today; unseasonably cold, but thankfully, there is no snow. So I stood there staring into space and I suddenly became aware of the trees. Outside my window there are three very large maple trees. They turn a beautiful deep red in the Fall and then one by one they lose their leaves. Two of the trees are standing bare this morning but the one right in front of my widows is just beginning to turn color In the stillness I heard my Dad’s voice saying “Sometimes you have to step back because you can’t see the forest for the trees”. Even that made me mad because I thought that was exactly what I was doing – stepping back and, I really miss my Dad.
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I am not prepared yet to ask my aging Mother to give up the home she loves so dearly but the time is fast approaching. I have practiced the conversation in my mind often and it is still bittersweet.
Social pressures are mounting too.
Thinking about my Dad made me grouchy too. He’ll be 86 next week and he doesn’t even know who I am anymore. Sometimes his conversation is nothing more than garbled sounds mixed in with real words that don’t belong together. I wonder what it sounds like to him. I’d like to ask you God – why did you have to let my Dad have Alzheimer’s disease? It’s horrible and it shouldn’t have been like this for him. Geeze, everyone in his family died of heart disease. Their deaths were quick and they knew me right up to the very end. My Dad is a good man and he deserved a lot better than this. Maybe you don’t know this but it’s really hard for families to watch Alzheimer’s steal their loved one and not even know how they got it.
While I’m on the subject of Alzheimer’s, I want to tell you that I really think it stinks that an entire generation of us are trying to take care of our children and our parents too. Do you have any idea how hard that it? The economy crashed and most of us lost our good paying job. Some of us are still looking for a job and now we’re having to stretch our budgets to pay for our kids to get an education and our parent to have a sitter so that we can go out long enough to look for a job. I understand that some of us are hardheaded and have to be hit in the head in order to learn something but gosh, taking care of two generations is a bit much.
It's really hard to do good sometimes.
You know God, at my age, I’m really trying to do things better than I did when I was young. Instead of saving money to party on the weekend, I pinch pennies so that I can buy healthier food. Are you aware that it costs a lot more to buy food that is grown organically than it does to buy food that is full of pesticides and preservatives and the dreaded GMO’s? Our commercial meats are pumped full of hormones and antibiotics and our daughters bodies look like they are 18 when they are only 12 years old and our sons are taking weapons to school and killing people. Are you aware of all this?
What I’m trying to say is dang, it’s just getting harder all the time to do better. I don’t mean to sound like I’m not grateful for the good things in my life. I really am. Honestly, I’m not so happy about losing my eyesight but I know that things could be a whole lot worse. My family is blessed, in spite of Dad’s Alzheimer’s disease and Mom’s stroke. My parents taught us kids the difference in right and wrong and that it wasn’t money that made you happy; it was love and doing things for others. I’ve been blessed with wonderful friends throughout my life and I’ve had jobs that I really loved too. I’ve had pets that brought me love and laughter and an appreciation for nature that could transport me to a place of genuine peace. I have a lot to be grateful for and I want to thank you.
The lesson becomes clear.
Maybe that’s what this day was all about. I really don’t like being grouchy but I was not a happy girl today and I felt like I was overdue having a chat with you. I know I only asked for a minute and I’ve taken a bit more than that. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I waited until things got this bad to ask for a minute of your time. I know better. So God, thanks for being here today. Thanks for listening to me again. I’ll try to do better in the future.
Before I go, could I ask a favor? Would you listen out for some of the others in this world who are trying so hard to do better? We get a little frustrated when there is so much wrong in the world and we want to fix it so bad. They might be waking up grouchy too and not re4alize they need a minute of your time. Drop in on them, would you?
God enters by a private door into each individual. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
© 2014 Linda Crist