Even More Sayings, Slang . . .

if I made an attempt to ride-out inside this rodeo arena smiling from ear-to-ear, this would be right. Fact is, I cannot ride a hoss. I did try to ride my dad’s grey mule which she threw me off. God was telling me as I lay there on the ground in our pasture that I was not cut-out to be a cowboy. Oh, I confess that I did enjoy CBS’ westerns such as: Rawhide, Gunsmoke, Maverick, Wanted: Dead or Alive and more. Westerns were my all-time favorite TV past time.

I was born in the south land, Haleyville, Ala., in northwest Alabama on a blustery Nov. 27, 1953 and I cried so loud as our doctor was taking me to the scales, he had to have two nurses to quieten me down. I couldn’t understand what or whom made me bellow like a hungry cow. But I did shut-up, then with no effort, I fell right to sleep. Now. This was a lot of fun for me. Sleeping a sound sleep with nothing or no one on my mind. Oh, how those sweet memories never leave us.

There was a wonderful hubber whom I befriended in the second year of my HubPages’ membership and I cannot remember her name. It was a cute, southern-based hub that kept my attention, due to her mastery of everyday slang and how it has become the norm for how we talk. It’s true. Go to any fast-food restaurant and just sit and listen. Sure, you can drink your coffee, but listen to how people have grown to use slang in order to describe certain situations in life, I guess, to make these slang terms more interesting.

So with your permission, I would love to tell you about SIX, just SIX, of the sayings, not necessarily those of the southern persuasion, but those every day slang phrases that us Americans have said to drive the good-hearted foreign visitors nuts because they do not know what we are talking about. Hey, sometimes even “we” do not know what we are talking about. Ready, set, enjoy . . .

“Ducks in a Row” – simple. Easy to comprehend. This just means for us on the Top of The Food Chain, to get our plans made and ready to go to work. Frankly, I have studied ducks all in a row from mother duck to the ducklings marching to strict regiments and I think that Mother Nature and ducks agreed that ducklings could learn discipline by getting in a row. And I do not know of any “Rebel Ducks,” who would dare to stand-up against their mom or Mother Nature and risk being drummed-out of the Duck Kingdom.

“Working Like a Dog” – another simple, easy saying. If a person is considered a workaholic, working ungodly hours each week, sacrificing family, kids, and social life, then they “work like a dog.” Which brings me to my only question: what type of work does a dog perform besides hunting game or retrieving ducks that a hunter has shot out of the air into a lake for his dog to jump into the water and risk life and tail to bring the duck back to the dog owner. Wonder if there is a quota for his dog to catch in the water and bring them to the dog owner?

“If My Bicycle Had Wings” – I had trouble with this one, but there is a saying, or snappy come back used by someone who is a smart alec and uses this reply when their boss simply says, Jim, you were eight minutes this morning, are you in trouble? Jim says, no, boss. I had to walk to work because my wife used our car and besides, “if my bicycle had wings we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“Dog Tired” – I should not have to explain this one. Tired is tired, but if one is “dog tired,” they are really tired. And how do I know this? If a young dog is an active dog and runs everywhere all of the time—from chasing cats to raccoons and finds him or herself to be exhausted at day’s end. So the last alternative for the dog is to lay down and take a long snooze.

“Fish Out of Water” – is probably the most-dangerous, outlandish, saying that could be said. Besides “raining cats and dogs,” (which I missed on this list), a “fish out of water,” is scary to whatever fish has jumped over the fisherman or fisher person’s flat bottom boat only to be met with NO oxygen except for the little amount left in it’s little lungs. I myself do not fish because I might catch a fish or two, but then, no matter the fish’s length or weight, I would instantly throw them back into the water without getting my photo taken for the local paper. Even for a human being “a person out of air,” can be frightening if thrown into the lake and starts to go under. Think about it.

"If Pigs Could Fly” – now THIS one is THE apex, the “mother of all slang sayings.” This one has it all: humor, daring, and pure stupdity. To say nothing but disrespect to the poor pig that is expected to fly. My goodness! Will we ever learn? Pigs, even they could fly, would need God to have gave them humongous wings bigger than a Condor. But He didn’t and I am glad. Actually, in this day and time, “if pigs did fly,” there would be an instant-heated competition between the pigs and birds. We do not want to know how this one ends up.

Next time, I might be doing some All-Time Entertaining Animal Impressions.

March 11, 2020___________________________________________________