- Politics and Social Issues»
- Social Issues
GAY QUESTIONS WITH GAY ANSWERS
CHICAGO GAY PRIDE 2011
Answers To Annoying Questions For Gay Men
Since I joined Hubpages 3 years ago, I have been active in the forums, and reading about what most people think is important to them. One of those subjects is issues and questions for gay men. Some lead to an interesting debate about those questions, while others turn instantly into a big hate fest, and unleashes the fire and brimstone crowd. Of which I have heard them all. God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, and so on....and YYAAAAWWWNNN!!!
Since this seems to be a popular subject, and I am an openly gay man, You might find some of the answers you have been looking for in this hub. As they always say in the forums, if you have more information to give why not write a hub about it? Well here it is.
I am not saying that all of my answers are correct. You can ask 100 different gay men a question, and you will get 100 different answers. (Though some might want a cocktail first!) The main thing to keep in mind, is that the gay community is vast. What is important to one gay man, won't matter to the next, right down to the WTFs! and, Are you kidding me? So, if you are going to throw rocks, tomatoes, or any other kind of hate message, feel free to leave them in the comments section! But, all hate and religious comments will be dropped like a rock!
So, to begin, here are some questions that I find very annoying. Feel free to add your own, in the comments, and If I like them, I may answer or add them to my hub. I want this to be fun. Ans, if you get somewhat educated by it, that's even better. But, it's mainly just for your entertainment. Hope you will enjoy it, and laugh or not laugh along with me.
THE QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
The following question will likely be asked by a man or woman who has just discovered or heard a rumor that you are Gay. Even if you tell them yourself. Yet, for some reason they have to be sure. So they will ask.
ARE YOU REALLY GAY?
No, I am not gay. I'm super dooper gay! I even have a certificate to prove it, and once in a while I wear a pink shirt that has little guys doing it. Maybe that guy who keeps showing up at work to give me a big wet kiss on the cheek gave you a clue! Maybe you thought, "Gee he's just really friendly." Or, "maybe that's his dad", even though we're the same age. That, and the rainbow stickers on my car. Do you really have to ask?
ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU ARE NOT BI?
This question is usually asked by straight guys, who do not want to believe that you are gay, simply because that might somehow let them off the hook for being friends with a gay man. Because I'm hanging out with you, and you are gay, people must think I'm gay too. That maybe throwing in an attraction to women, might make people forget that you like men. As in some straight men's minds, a bisexual man is more acceptable than a gay one. Some even refuse to believe you are not BI, even when you tell them you aren't.
SO, WHY DO YOU WEAR WOMEN'S CLOTHES? DO YOU LIKE THAT?
This is a question that drives me nuts! And, is mostly asked by men. You can blame Hollywood and the media for keeping that logic going. As almost every gay film in the early years was about "Femmy" gay men. When the media decides to talk to a gay man in a crowd of thousands of gay men, they pick the loudest, most outrageous looking queen they can find, and this is what a majority of America sees on television. Never the hot looking macho studs, with the deep masculine voices. And I never understood why they did that.
So, in answer to that question. The only time I wore women's clothes, was when I was 5 and my sister forced me to put on my mom's wig and dress, which I could not wait to take off. So, when I first learned that I might be gay, I thought about the women's clothes too, but, I quickly learned that I am no way interested in that. I like wearing men's clothes, and the more masculine they are the more manly I feel. I am attracted to men, and men's clothes are part of that attraction. Nothing turns me on more, than tight jeans, and a white muscle filled t-shirt. Women's clothes never even cross my mind. So the answer is NO!!
ARE YOU THE MAN OR THE WOMAN IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
This is another question that bugs me. Since my partner and I are both men, where does the woman part fit in? In our 22 year relationship, we are both equal in everything that we do. However if the question is a sexual reference, there is an easy answer. A gay man is either a "Top" which means the person on top. A "Bottom" The person on the bottom. Or, they are "versatile" Which means they will be either or, depending on their mood. I for one am a "Top." I have always been a "Top", and have only been a "Bottom" a few times. But, in the straight man's world I am always the man, and rarely someone's bitch. If you know what I mean.
DOESN'T BUTT SEX HURT?
This question is almost 100 percent asked by straight guys. And, in my opinion. "YES!! it hurts like hell!!" That's why I am a "Top". But, there are guys who do enjoy it. I can never figure out why they like it, but they do. But, some tops, it's all some of them want to do, any other kind of sex act is almost pointless to them, so when I meet one of those guys, I have to say no. But, men can be intimate with each other in many ways, and there is never any of the "I faked my orgasms." from a man. You can just look him right in the eye, and say he is full of it.
You can't fake a man being aroused, he either is, or he's not. With women you don't get that, and are always wondering in the back of your mind if you are pleasing them. Not with men. And, if you are not pleasing a man, you won't have to worry about trying again, because he will more than likely lose interest in you pretty quick, or let you know that it's not working out.
The thing that bugs me most about this question is that almost all straight guys assume that all gay men are engaging in "Butt Sex." Though some have never had it, and never will. They also assume that a gay man is attracted to any man. Which is also not true. I am actually very picky. Take porn models for example, I find very few of them attractive. Unfortunately there are 10 times more of the men I'm NOT attracted to in the porn industry, then ones that I think are hot.
DO YOU THINK I'M HOT? WOULD YOU WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME?
This is another question that is asked mainly by straight guys. I don't know, for some reason they need to find out if you think they are attractive. And, when it is someone you have known for a while, you don't want to hurt their feelings if you're not attracted to them. And, if they are smoking hot, (Like Josh, a fellow maybe straight employee) you don't want to look like a total pervert jumping up and down like Stewie Griffin and going YES!! I have been asked that question, and I always leave them with a maybe. And, in Josh's case, he says yeah I know you do. I know I'm hot. I can't help it. (He's adorable!)
AREN'T YOU WORRIED THAT YOU WILL NEVER HAVE CHILDREN?
I get asked this question a lot. And, no I am not worried about it. I do regret it sometimes, as I see all these happy families out and about. But, knowing that a lot of gay men are fathers, I don't know if I would want to be a gay dad. Their stories of war with their wives over their children is one thing that makes me glad I did not go that route, though any gay man easily could.It's just not something that I would want a child to have to deal with. Life for them is hard enough with two straight parents, having a gay dad, even if he is loving and gives that child the world is always going to be seen as a gay man, before a caring good father, and I would not want to put a child through that. Otherwise, if I could have a child without society looking down their noses at either of us. I would love to have a family. Just no female wife.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE GAY? WHAT MAKES YOU GAY?
I think this is something that the science community and the gay community would like a 100 percent answer to. But, the fact of the matter is that there is no correct answer, and I don't think there will ever be one. In my case, around when I was 17 or 18, I just knew.
I mean, liked and dated girls, up until my late teens, even had sexual encounters with a couple, but it never went as far as intercourse. And, while all my friends were talking about their dates with girls, I found it all kind of boring. But, in the back of my mind, I was thinking I would rather date my best friend, and go out with him instead of dating any girl. Which lead to one night, where I took a dare and kissed my best friend Mike on the lips. And, all I knew after that was that I wanted to kiss him again. And, I eventually developed a huge crush on him, and loved everything about him, and in the two years that we were friends I knew I loved him. For a 17 year old kid, that scared the shit out of me, and excited me at the same time. The guys at school started calling us fags, even though we were just good friends.
So, I began to study what it meant to be gay. The more I read, the more confused I became, because non of it sounded like me. I wasn't any of those things. But, back then I didn't know that all these books were just based on theories and not 100 percent accurate. But, I also knew at that time, that I loved Mike, and wanted to spend every minute with him, which eventually lead to us "Playing Around." But, just stuff that boys would do, nothing heavy. A lot of kissing and touching and exploring. All stuff, that I really liked, but wasn't sure if he did, though he never said he didn't want to do it.
Eventually I had to move to another city, and, even though I could still see him if I went the 30 miles to his house, we kind of stopped seeing each other, and after a while, he didn't seem to care if I came around or not. He certainly stopped wanting to play. A few years went buy, and I never got to see him again, and I was devastated. It was at that point that I knew I was gay. It seems it is just something that happens to you, and there is noting you can do about it.
But, now that I am older, I like to think of it this way. There are many different races of people on this planet, people with different skin, different languages. Maybe gay people are an over looked race? Maybe, like every other race of people, we are here for a reason. And, that we should be considered normal as everyone else. Why are there so many reasons to hate us?
Which leads me to the most annoying question.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE?
I may get burned by some people for this, but I think if two people really want to get married, they should be able to. I'm not going to get into all the religious BS. I think that if two men want to get married, they should also be able to receive all the tax benefits and rights that any other couple getting married receives. I don't understand why some people are making such a huge deal out of it. I also don't see why some people think this is a threat to marriage in general.
Actually gay men have wedding ceremonies all the time, complete with the church, the cake, the minister, and the big wedding party. The only thing that is different is the legal marriage certificate, and the rights that straight couples may even take for granted. I personally do not want that for myself. But, I think that others should have the right. If they want it. Some straight people run to Las Vegas and get married and divorce a week later. So what's the big deal?
DO YOU THINK YOU WERE BORN GAY?
In my earlier comment about Gay people being an over looked race of humanity, I would certainly like to believe that. It would explain being born gay, but, the chances of that being true is highly unlikely. I personally do not think we are born gay. But, I do think there must be something in our lives that just transforms us from the kid we were, to the however we end up as an adult. What I do not want to believe, is the scientific gene theory.
Scientists believe that gay people have a specific gene in their body that evolves in their teen years, and that gene causes them to be gay. They also believe that bi sexual people have that gene but, have more of the heterosexual genes in them that cause them to like both sexes. The scary thing about these genes, is that scientists, and people looking to crush homosexuality, think they can find these genes in a child's early development and turn them off. As if they somehow believe they have the right to play god.
Do you think that if you wanted to be straight, a woman could convert you?
This question is mainly asked by women. They always say "You just haven't met the right woman." A good woman could make you straight. Well, I actually did try that. I had a very bad break up with a man who I was very much in love with. And, I said, that's IT! I'm through with men. So, there was a very pretty girl named Jennifer where I worked, and she had asked me out on dates before, so I asked her out, and she agreed to go out with me.
That date was a disaster! She drove us to a local club, and it turned out that it was a gay bar! The only reason she went out with me was because she thought I was BI, and was hoping that we would start a 3-way relationship with another BI guy that she liked. But, after just getting out of a bad relation ship, this freaked me out. I met the guy she had in mind that night, very cute, but, I just wasn't ready. They ended up getting in a fight, and she left me at the bar by myself. For which another good looking guy saw that I was feeling down, and came over to talk to me and cheer me up, and I ended up going home with him. So, as good as the intentions may be, it doesn't work. A gay man will always be gay. Nothing you can do about it.
AREN'T YOU WORRIED ABOUT GOING TO HELL?
No. I am not worried about it. Not at all.