ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Go Fund My 'ism'!

Updated on April 9, 2015
Edithe Estelle profile image

A global nomad who likes to laugh, loves the power of words, believes in good grammar, giving and being open to the mysteries of receiving!

I'll call it, 'Not For YOU People'. Catchy right?

I am going to open my own business. My business will be offering a service. I don't know what service I'm going offer yet, something with a low start up cost that won't require additional education, purchasing a storefront or anything like that. Maybe I will offer counseling services, Feng Shui interior decorating, fashion advice, psychic pet readings, whatever.

The type of service I offer doesn't matter, what matters is that I am going to deny said service to any same-sex couples. To dig that knife in a little deeper I'm going to also deny my services to the adopted children of any same-sex couples. That sounds really bad! I'm going to contact all of the news stations, media outlets, everyone I can think of and let them know that this is my decision and that I'm standing by it on the grounds of my blah blah freedom, of religion, of speech, of idiocy, I don’t care pick one. Then I'm going to sit back, put my feet up and wait for my money to start rolling in!


The Original Crowdfunding

Even before the internet people found ways to gather anonymously to support a common cause, and often paid financial dues to help advance their beliefs.
Even before the internet people found ways to gather anonymously to support a common cause, and often paid financial dues to help advance their beliefs.

Black hate's too popular. Jewish hate's too old-fashioned. Homophobia? Just right!

See, the business I will actually be in is one I won’t advertise, collecting money from those who want to fund discrimination and oppression. The service I will actually be offering will be to allow the bigots around the world to feel like they are helping to punish and eradicate all of the sinners and blasphemers of the world. Standing together in solidarity, shoulder to shoulder against those people who in looking or feeling a certain way are trying to push them (oops silly me I meant us) to the precipice of the apocalypse.

Pizza shops and ice cream parlors are making $80-$100,000 in just a few weeks exactly this way. I want my piece of the pie, my scoop of the…well you get the point. I could go another route. I could join the police academy NYPD, LAPD doesn't really matter almost any PD, and then just shoot an unarmed Black man or two. The racists, who wish they had pulled the trigger themselves will send plenty of dollars my way, each one a slap on the back or handshake for a job well done. Look at all of the money raised for Darren Wilson and George Zimmerman, far exceeding their legal fees. It’ll probably be awhile before either of them has to hold a day-to-day job.

Money was raised for Darren Wilson not just online, but also from the sale of t-shirts and buttons emblazoned with his name.

Crowdfunding sites allow people to vicariously snatch pizza out of homosexual hands or fire bullets into Black chests. Like playing a game of Grand Theft Auto.
Crowdfunding sites allow people to vicariously snatch pizza out of homosexual hands or fire bullets into Black chests. Like playing a game of Grand Theft Auto.

A few more and it won't even be news!

That’s too competitive though, there are so many officers doing that already. Beating, shooting, choking, killing Black males of all ages too so going younger wouldn’t shock anyone. Tamir Rice was only 12 years old when members of his local police department shot and killed him in a less than 20 second confrontation. That’s another thing, I’d have to be quick on the draw, can’t let the racists see any hesitancy in that shaky cell phone video, lest they doubt my commitment and begin to think my hatred is merely skin deep and doesn't go to the core. That whole area is just way too hard. I’d have to tie a Black man to a cross and set him on fire Easter Sunday just to get noticed!


That market is already so oversaturated.

Fingers crossed for a Twofer!

So that leaves the LGBTQ (did I get everyone?) community and man do they have their haters! Hey, maybe I’ll luck out and it’ll be a Lesbian (for the sexist homophobes), Black (for the racists), Muslim (I don’t know what ‘ism’ that falls under but it’s a hot one to hate these days) couple on the news tearfully explaining how much my actions have wounded them when they tried to hire me to DJ their wedding. I don’t know the first thing about how to DJ, but it’s okay, I’ll never have to!


What do you think should be done about the creation of crowdfunding pages with biased undertones?

See results

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Edithe Estelle profile imageAUTHOR

      Elizabeth Downing 

      3 years ago from Milky Way, Galaxy

      @LongTimeMother (I hope I'm tagging you correctly so you can see this comment) Thanks so much for your comment. I tend to use a bit of humor in my writings, even with the more serious topics, because I feel sometimes it helps soften the delivery and connects us. Like if you can laugh with someone what can't you work out right? I'm happy that you and others like @Jodah were able to get the point and not be offended. Yes please share I appreciate it!

    • darciefrench profile image

      Darcie French 

      3 years ago from BC Canada

      You give a perfect example of just how corrupt the world has become in the Kali yuga. It will only get worse until God hits the reset button.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Wow Edithe, this is a hard hitting example of intelligent sarcasm if ever I saw one. As LTM said it will be interesting to sit back and read some of the comments this hub should attract. I too welcome you to Hub Pages. Quite a coincidence that your first two commenters are both Australian. Voted up.

    • LongTimeMother profile image

      LongTimeMother 

      3 years ago from Australia

      Edithe, I have no idea how many people might be offended by this hub ... but I am in awe of the woman who wrote it!

      Welcome to HubPages. I sincerely hope you have a great deal of success writing here. I have read your first three hubs here on HP, and all are very clever and engaging. I can't wait to see what you write next.

      I am sharing this hub because I'm interested in how others react to it. I'm an older, white, Australian woman with a husband ... so my perspective is 'distant'. I never would have written this in a million years, but I greatly enjoyed reading it. You're a very talented writer. :)

    • profile image

      vee 

      3 years ago

      Interesting

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)