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Grumpy, I'll say I'm grumpy, short story

Updated on February 5, 2012
tonymead60 profile image

Tony is now a full-time writer and he has currently 4 published books with many others planned.


Grumpy old man

You sort of slip into it really, there are no courses to go on and even if there were I couldn’t be bothered to attend. Mostly the reason for that is that I probably would hate everyone else on the course or think them complete idiots after one meeting.

I went to some sort of ‘get fit for old, fat people’ and decided after ten minutes to go wait in the park for my wife. It wasn’t the exercise, it was Doris or whatever her name was that was in charge. Purple rinse, slacks, and pumps, probably went dancing twice a week with a bloke called Trevor who ran the chemist shop for forty years. No, not for me, I put my scooter into top speed, around 8mph and beat it scarf fluttering behind me, I see myself as a sort of Biggles character.


The grumpiness is accelerated by cellophane wrappers [especially the ones on CD’s and DvD’s, reps or similar who call my wife and I ‘guys’, people dressing down, and oh so gross, drinking from the bottle at a restaurant table. I don’t want to eat surrounded by lager swilling degenerates particularly when I’m paying for the pleasure.

Thongs, I find rather disturbing for some reason too, knowing where that ribbon of cloth is going makes me queasy and people with strange hair colours I wonder if they do it for a bet, or perhaps their friends do it to them as a sick joke when they are drunk or asleep. Why do people need to stick pins and rings through everything? They must feel so uninteresting without them.

Mobile phones, everyone seems to spend their whole day with their ear attached to the phone. I don’t have one, I’ve been bought them for Christmas and such like, but the buttons are too small, I can’t read them or get my fingers to fit to them. I’ve had the misfortune to be within earshot of someone wandering around the supermarket trying to push their trolley and talk on the phone, those places are tedious enough without some clot asking his wife if they need pickled beetroot, or frozen peas, and then crashing into this week’s special offers. Also how bad mannered, when you are speaking to someone, their phone rings [usually with some stupid tone] and they leave your conversation to speak to the kids and tell them what’s for tea, which leaves you stood there like a spare part.

Another one is, people especially young fit ones who dump their cars in the Blue badge zone, and run into the shop, if you say something, they say ‘I was only a minute’ usually followed by a hand signal or verbal abuse. That seems to have replaced respect and good manners.

Labelling is something else, the writing is so small you can’t possibly see it or they print one colour on another making it illegible. Then they list things that are not in there; no sugar is one they use on something like bacon, but why should it have sugar? Low fat fresh fruit; is there any other sort?

Bogoff, well that means that when everything was full price and not free they were really ripping you off.

Television advertising, how stupid do they think we are; you use a certain aftershave and suddenly your neighbour’s wife hurdles the fence to rip your clothes off. Most of them smell like fly repellent rather than aftershave. I don’t buy certain brands because their adverts have so annoyed me, that I think ..d you, I’ll buy some one else’s.

What about doctor’s receptionists, but I think that is everybody not just me. They attend some sort of college, to learn the true ways of antagonising people whilst being obstructive unsympathetic and they deliberately mishear, and misunderstand everything you say; or they just don’t listen in the first place. There’s a sign about the reception desk telling you that the staff is not to be abused, I think there should be one for the receptionists to read telling them not to abuse patients.

The list is endless, and all the time you’re wondering why is it getting to you. I can only conclude that I just have time to notice these days, I don’t want to listen to other people’s noisy kids and bumping music from a passing car that has more power in the hi-fi than the engine, basically I just want to go about my day not troubling anyone and everyone keeping out of my face.

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    • diogenes profile image

      diogenes 6 years ago from UK and Mexico

      I'll have to do one of these as I am a winner in the grump department. Biggles, eh? I wonder how many hubbers recognize the name. I have just broken my bridge (teeth) and would love to sink the stumps into someone, a politician will do. Keep up the grumping! bob

    • tonymead60 profile image
      Author

      Tony Mead 6 years ago from Yorkshire

      hi Diogenes

      I'm glad it's not just me. I loved Biggles, he really was a great hero character.

      cheers

      Tony

    • Gordon Hamilton profile image

      Gordon Hamilton 6 years ago from Wishaw, Lanarkshire, United Kingdom

      Love it, Tony. Can relate to this so much, especially the phones. I once heard a guy (no joke!) fire an employee via mobile phone on a busy bus in London!

      I'll also need to be careful about my after shave. No harm to her but I wouldn't particularly want my neighbour's wife to leap over the fence and rip my clothes off... Maybe I'll save that as a possible, the next time I move house, if the prospect is more appealing! :)

    • profile image

       6 years ago

      hi Gordon

      thanks for calling in, nice to hear from you again.

      I think everyone is the same really, but this telephone generation drive you mad.

      Tony

    • Phil Plasma profile image

      Phil Plasma 5 years ago from Montreal, Quebec

      Yes, we can all find numerous reasons to be grumpy. I fall into it periodically but mostly try to avoid it.

    • tonymead60 profile image
      Author

      Tony Mead 5 years ago from Yorkshire

      HI Phil

      Oh I rather enjoy being grumpy, I think it's a sort of art form.

      thanks for comment and dropping by

      tony

    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 5 years ago from Deep South, USA

      I can relate! There is plenty of disrespect for customers/patients/neighbors/etc. in the USA, too. You actually listed several of my major pet peeves. I try not to let these things bother me because being grumpy won't make the perpetrators stop being disrespectful, annoying or even maddening...my blood pressure will just go up! These are the things that cause me to do a lot of deep breathing, which helps me relax.

    • tonymead60 profile image
      Author

      Tony Mead 5 years ago from Yorkshire

      The list is endless, I've just been to a shopping mall and there was some talentless female squwacking over the loudspeaker system, it was horrible. I think because I was in music for so long I can't just ignore it...uggg.

      I'm rescind to being a grump.

      thanks for taking the time to comment.

    • profile image

      Derdriu 5 years ago

      Tony, What a belly-laughing amusing, entertaining, hilarious description of your signs of joining the ranks of grumpy old men! But is it just the grumpiness of age? Cell phone use and labeling make me think not.

      Thank you for sharing, voted up + all.

      Respectfully, Derdriu

    • tonymead60 profile image
      Author

      Tony Mead 5 years ago from Yorkshire

      Derdriu,

      Enough said about these things, because just thinking about them drives me bonkers...:{

      Thank you Derdriu.

      Tony

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