I May Run

Good Morning, Breakfastpoppers. Today is Sunday, May 19, 2019. I have given the bugs the day off. I am at the stove preparing Roasted Veggie Egg White Omelettes for all of us. I am adding Bloody Mary's to the meal to make up for the egg whites. I have to admit that I am intrigued by the number of Democratic hopefuls who want to occupy the Oval Office. They are pursuing their dream despite obvious problems. It is all so inspiring! I am thinking of jumping into the ring. Please join me for breakfast this morning. I'd like to share my thoughts on the subject of the race for the presidency. Please hurry over. I'm already on my third Bloody and I'd like to be coherent when I discuss my run. Come to think of it, being coherent is not really necessary.

Thanks so much for coming to the breakfast table this morning. I am seriously considering running for the presidency. The ever expanding Democratic list of hopefuls has inspired me. The group has assured me by their mere presence that I don't need any specific talent to consider a run. I studied the current front runner Joe Biden and came away realizing that I can get up in front of a group of people and lie like a pro. When I smear the Trump administration for separating children from their parents at the border, I won't have to worry that anyone will realize that it was Obama and Joe who did the deed. If Uncle Joe can say whatever comes into his head, I can too. The man is inspirational.

If I make a run, I don't have to concern myself with dismal turnouts at my appearances. Mayor Di Blasio gets a few people in the crowd when he speaks. The fact that most of them are Trump supporters hasn't deterred him. I won't let anything stop me either. Di Blasio has failed NewYork City in an epic way. Those who keep the city humming with their tax dollars are fleeing for friendlier shores. Di Blasio is to be admired for his consistent disdain for the people of New York. He marches on to the White House despite obvious problems. If he can do it, so can I.

This may be a perfect time to run. Hillary didn't make it to the White House, but perhaps another woman can. That woman could be me. Just look at Kisrten Gillibrand, the junior United States Senator from New York. The fact that her father and stepmother are embroiled in a hideous sex scandal involving a cult that traffics underage girls is not a problem for her. The trial is ongoing in New York City. It involves the cult known as NXIVM. It's an ugly business, but Kirsten is moving along without a care in the world. She doesn't seem worried about her connection to this nightmare. I think she's amazing in her resolve. My run for the presidency is looking better and better. I don't have her baggage, so that's a plus for me.

Let's not forget Kamala Harris. She is making a run for the presidency touting her far left looney ideas as credentials for the office. She has resolved to raise incomes for working class families by giving them $500 a month. Wow, that ought to change lives. I could give everyone $600 a month. Kamala has inspired my campaign, and I thank her for that.

I have to mention Amy Klobuchar. She has made me realize that treating people who work for me fairly is not important. I am also free to eat lunch with my comb. Thank you, Amy.

Hats off to Elizabeth Warren who either is or is not of Indian heritage. Her ability to drink a beer straight from the bottle makes her a people person, and I like that. Should I run for the presidency, I have to remember to chug a beer from time to time while adorning myself with war paint and feathers. If she can do it, so can I.

I can wrap up the female contingency by mentioning another hopeful, Marianne Williamson. She is an author, a lecturer and an activist. Now she wants to be president. Well, so do I Marianne, so move aside.

Beto O'Rourke is a true male inspiration. I know I can flail my arms around like Beto. People seem to like that. I don't have to worry about my past, because Beto has a DWI to his credit. He also paid his own company $40,000 from his political contributions between 2014 and 2015. Nobody seems to care about that, so what do I have do worry about? Once I get enough contributions together I can buy myself a new Mercedes. The expense will be legitimate. I need to get around somehow and it's a good, reliable car.

Bernie Sanders is a true inspiration. He has taught me how to appeal to millennials. All I have to do is promise to take care of them just like Mommy and Daddy. They are a delicate bunch, and if I am to win I must appeal to their lack of intelligence and their need for cuddling. I learned this from the best. Thank you, Bernie.

Cory Booker has taught me a great deal about a possible run for the White House. I may become a vegan and insist that everyone do the same thing. I think I will support raising the minimum wage and I will guarantee everyone a job. That's the least the government should do. Booker wants to legislate the income gap away by creating a savings account for every child that could grow to as much as $46,000 by their 18th birthday. What a guy! What a plan! All I have to do is promise every child a bank account of $100,000 by the time they are eighteen years old. Pennsylvania Avenue, here I come!

Let us not forget to mention Pete Buttigieg, the 37 year old mayor from South Bend, Indiana. He is doing quite well in the polls. If he wins the presidency he would become the first openly gay United Staes president in history. That is probably important. He wants healthcare to become single payor, he loves the Green New Deal, he wants to take care of all immigrants and he wants to stick it to people who actually earn money by taxing them like crazy. He likes the idea of universal basic income. If he can run on a platform like this, surely there is a place for me.

I have to get busy on my campaign, so I cannot delve too deeply into the rest of the growing field of candidates. Perhaps a simple mention will do the job. Good luck to Michael Bennet, Steve Bullock, Julian Castro, John Delaney, Tulsi Gabbard, Mike Gravel, John Hickenlooper, Jay Inslee, Tim Ryan, Seth Moutan, Eric Swawell, Andrew Yang, and Wayne Messam. My apologies to anyone out there who I failed to mention. All of these potential nominees prove that anyone can run for the presidency, even me.

Pop's Song

If I throw my hat in the ring

Will you join me

In the ring?