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Is a man ever worth killing?

Updated on June 7, 2011

I recently met a very interesting individual who asked whether I would ever consider killing my spouse or boyfriend. No, it wasn't a request to set up a "hit", it was just a query that I knew was being asked tongue-in-cheek given the fact that this person works as part of the production team for the Oxygen Channel true-crime show Snapped. The intentionally sensationalized program showcases the lives of woman who have been charged with murder and asks a drooling, tragedy loving public, "Who are these women and what drives them to kill?"

So, who are these women really and does the general television viewing public really care about how they got to the point where blowing their intimates head off seemed better than just walking away, maybe badly bruised and psychologically scarred but free of a jail sentence and life-long shame? Each situation carries with it facts that shock and dismay even those who claim, "that isn't me and no man will ever treat me that way", but is that really true? Despite the fact that the message Snapped may be sending is one of marginalizing abused women and lumping them in with truly homicidal female sociopaths that kill for other reasons, the show still draws attention to an issue that has long been ignored and an issue that impacts the lives of more women than is actually reported.

Statistics show that approximately 623,000 violent crimes—554,000 against female victims and 69,000 against male victims—were committed by an intimate partner in 2007. The percentage of female victims (23%) of intimate partner violence was nearly 8 times that of male victims (3%). (U.S. Department of Justice 2007 National Crime Victimization Survey: http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/cv07.pdf )

So, if women are the prime targets of domestic violence then is it really any surprise that an estimated 7% will kill their spouse or boyfriend? This figure may not be accurate since some within that statistic may be like 46- year-old nursing home worker Barbara Louise Huxley who killed numerous residents over a 20-year span, virtually free of suspicion because of her gender and position. This isn't an abused woman. This is a cold-blooded killer who claimed, "After spending so long watching deranged men climb straight to the top of the FBI's Most Wanted list, it was hard to get up the energy to go into work everyday and suffocate another frail diabetic". A serial killer gets down every now and then I guess but her statement, "I just want to be treated like any other homicidal sociopath," is chilling when you consider the fact that she could have easily gone undetected many more years had her need for attention and jealousy of male serial killers not gotten the best of her. Barbara Louise Huxley's tendency to kill innocent nursing home residents just because she could had nothing to do with her gender, she killed both males and females, nor should she be included in the same category as women pushed to the edge by physical abuse and mental torture. The people she suffocated and strangled with surgical tubing or other murderous means did nothing wrong other than be weaker than her. An abused woman is not preying on someone who is weaker when she decides to kill her abuser, she is seeking to stop her pain and suffering when no one else has demonstrated any desire to help her. It is now an issue of "kill or be killed" and in the mind of someone beaten to the point of mentally and physically breaking it is the only logical choice their skewed thought processes can focus on.

Of course the "story" of Ms Huxley may or may not be true since no evidence can be found to prove her claims aside from an article posted on The Onion, a site known for satirical news reports, it still makes one ponder the difference between a gender neutral sociopath and an abused woman finally standing up for herself. Some believe that a person, male or female, who is in a life threatened situation deserves to be able to defend themselves against bodily harm even if that means killing their attacker no matter the personal relationship. Others feel, for women involved in domestic abuse, calling the police, getting an (often useless) Order For Protection or leaving behind everything to go live in a shelter will solve the "problem". For many the problem is still breathing, and is now more pissed off than ever, waiting for them to take just one step out from under that false umbrella of safety. This is the message that gets lost when the media attempts to glorify and sensationalize the female "husband killer" as some oddity that deserves nothing more than to be held up as a freak-show attraction or a ratings-grabber rather than the preventable tragedy it is and should be viewed as.

The real issue, for ALL women, should be...is this man, total waste of skin that he is, worth giving up your soul for? Is he worth turning over your life to the media whores, ADD public and increasingly unsympathetic courts for dissection and judgment should you kill him? None of these are easy questions to answer when you are the one faced with years worth of both physical and mental blows and sadly the stories will continue. When will we, as a society, care enough to stop the cycle of abuse and when will women feel empowered enough to speak up before that "little love-tap" turns into something more sinister? I hope it is soon.



National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224

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    • Elleasku profile imageAUTHOR

      Elleasku 

      11 years ago from In your imagination.

      Thank you ElGringo. The original intention was to be more tongue-in-cheek about a chance meeting I had with the show's producer and yet, it turned into something else for one reader. I suspect sarmack may be guilty of only half-reading what I wrote and just wanted to express a rigid agenda. Either way, a discussion was started and at times I enjoy the back and forth more than what I originally wrote.

    • ElGringoSalsero profile image

      ElGringoSalsero 

      11 years ago from Palm City, Florida

      While I enjoyed your hub, I was even more impressed with the succinct and masterful way in which you responded to sarmack.

    • profile image

      sneakorocksolid 

      11 years ago

      Yeah it's my wife. It's been 33yrs she knows all my tricks.

    • Elleasku profile imageAUTHOR

      Elleasku 

      11 years ago from In your imagination.

      sneakorocksolid: Thank you. It was never meant as a "blame men for all the world's ills" essay but as a snapshot into a dark side of the human condition. The title just gets attention much like the intent of the show mentioned.

      Are you touching your wife inappropriately or others? Keep concentrating and learn to bob and weave...it will make her dizzy and throw her off her stance! Good luck.

    • profile image

      sneakorocksolid 

      11 years ago

      Ell Great Hub! If a situation is so bad that it could end in violence someone needs to leave. The first concern is the children are they witness to this and what have they just learned. We have to break the cycle of abuse.

      Sarmack if a real man feels he's about to be violent he'll leave and let her talk to herself. Violence is never called for.

      Now, my story, my wife hits me all the time for inappropriate touching. I'm old but I'm quick and I do avoid most blows as long as I concentrate.LOL!

    • Elleasku profile imageAUTHOR

      Elleasku 

      11 years ago from In your imagination.

      At one point in time I would have furiously debated with you but since you are only speaking from one point of view it would be an effort in futility. There are men who seek out women (and children) to abuse at a far greater rate than there are women who make a life goal out of disrespecting men. I love men and respect all of the good ones in my life and walked away from those who wanted things only one-sided. Some women cannot be as strong and either end up getting killed by their supposed "loved" one or go against better judgment and do the killing themselves. Blaming the victim is what the abusers want because it keeps them in business.

      Respect is earned and cannot be forced with violence. Each story is different and the claim that women somehow bring the abuse on themselves because they have the nerve to demand to be treated better is a dangerous statement. Not all men abuse and not all women disrespect men, the piece was about making choices about your own life rather than allowing society to do it for you - plain and simple.

    • sarmack profile image

      Sarah 

      11 years ago from Washington State

      I did not miss the point of the piece. I have lived through the domestic violence and with the women who claim to be abused. My violence was not from a man disrespecting or harming me. It was from neglect during a life-threatening illness. I am a woman and choose to see the Truth about the world I live in. It's the only way it can change. When women start treating men better and with respect, they will be treated with respect in return. It is obvious by the way domestic violence is addressed currently that the issues are not being resolved. The issues of domestic violence are escalating because the abusers know that they can get support for their crime. When issues are addressed correctly, they are resolved and go away.

      I, personally, would hate to see my father, brother, son or the man I Love treated so badly as to be accused of domestic violence.

      Stop supporting the abusers.

    • Elleasku profile imageAUTHOR

      Elleasku 

      11 years ago from In your imagination.

      You missed the point of the piece completely and seem to really hate women. My point was...don't get into relationships with men who refuse to treat you with respect. That goes for both men and women so there is no need for "anyone" to react with "physical abilities" to mere words. Which hurts worse in your mind? There is no comparison, words can fall away but fists can kill. A "person" who hits and demeans another to gain control is a person devoid of a conscience and needs help. No one is worth killing - period. As a woman who has been hit by a man, one who lacked the ability to "control" himself due to mental defect, I find your comment offensive. But, I am sure that was your intent and I can take your false blessing for what it is-condescension.

    • sarmack profile image

      Sarah 

      11 years ago from Washington State

      I do not believe that any man is worth killing. There are two things that come to mind

      1. The women are the abusers, 99% of the time. There is a reason why a man feels that he must hit a woman. Women push and push until whomever is the opposition reacts. A man will react with physical abilities. A woman will react with her mouth. There are always the exceptions to the rule. However, if the Truth be known, the majority of the time the man is pushed into reacting by a woman who wants control.

      2. Take a look at the person who says they are being abused. Does that person take advantage of other things? Do they expect to be supported by society or do they have a job that generates stable income? Do they usually expect to get their own way?

      3. I thought of a third! The person being accused of the abuse... Does that person usually cater to others? Is that person usually laid back, or such?

      Step back and take a Real look at what is going on. We need to stop calling the abused the abuser, if it is not Really so.

      May God Bless us with Sight!

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