Lessons Learned ~~~ Life Just Ain't Fair

Every day, in every corner of the world, STUFF happens. (It would be more accurate to say SH** happens, I do believe!!) Some of it is just not fair.

If you have seen the headlines this week--any week, you have seen some of the unfair things that have happened. Global, national, and local things have happened that have sent families into the depths of despair. Some of them are more horrendous than we care to imagine.

Life is just that way. It just ain't fair. For good or bad, It is part of this journey that we make for the infinitesimal amount of time we are on this planet.

It is not fair that children in every corner of this planet are hungry, fearful, lonely, in need. In need of a tender hug, a kind word, a comfortable bed, a warm or cool shelter, someone to love, someone to love them.

Unwanted, unwelcome pain and sorrow comes into the lives of those innocents, young and old, who have in no way caused such misfortune.

For many there is no time to whine and wail and ask "Why me? This is not fair. What have I done to cause this to happen?"

It really is about choice. Choose to stay immobilized by whatever it is or walk on and embrace each new day as it begins offering wonders beyond compare.

It is not fair that some people have an easy life, financially. They never want for anything. They have more than enough money to meet all of their obligations and then some

It is not fair that living in some parts of a city, the members of the community can go to bed each night feeling reasonably safe while a few miles away, in the same city, families live in fear of drive-by shootings, burglaries, and rape.

It is not fair that a young baby suddenly becomes ill and dies before even having a chance to live.

It is not fair that a young child is diagnosed with leukemia, has to endure years of treatments, and eventually dies despite all efforts to rid the child of this disease.

It is not fair that a boy at age four is diagnosed with a terminal cancer which steals all of the days of his childhood, day by day.

He never attends public school and never has the real opportunity to form lasting friendships (because he has to stay away from crowds which may cause his health to deteriorate,.)

It is not fair that a young mother becomes ill with a terminal disease, endures years and years of chemo and radiation followed by years and years of clinical trials, only to succumb to the horrid illness that fought so hard to keep at bay.

The blistering reality is that these things do happen. They happen in every family, in every city, in every country around the world.

How individuals choose to confront such devastation is all about attitude.

When my daughter was diagnosed with cancer, several years after my grandson, it was another mountain. We were only part way up the first mountain as we tried to make sense of my grandson's illness, when another seemingly insurmountable mountain appeared..We faced it and looked up and were awed by the enormity of it--- fearful of what it meant.

But we only were in awe for a moment. Life is too short to wallow in the muck. Too short to question why or moan and complain about how unfair it is.

Get on with the living.

Climbing up that mountain, one tiny step at a time, we forged ahead. And forging ahead is what we have done since then and continue to do today.

And isn't that just wonderful?? Aren't we such amazing people who can do that?

Yes, it is wonderful--it truly is!!!

No, we are not amazing. We have just chosen to let this be another bump in the road.

We have refused to let it be the end of the road.

And many many others do the very same thing : confront whatever demon came home to roost on their doorstep and deal with it and move on. We know we are not alone in this journey.

In our family, we do have our moments when we cry just to unleash some of the pain. I guess we cry for the lost days that treatments took away and we cry because one or the other is in pain. But again...we do not stay in that place. No time. No time to waste. Move on. Drinking in the total experience of living every day. Finding every moment of joy we can ...because life is not fair and our days are numbered.

We do not want to miss one minute of this walk trying to second guess the future.

The list of not fairs is endless. There are not fairs about equal treatment that each of us can bring to the table. There are many others that you can add to the list

Life very simply a journey. Each of us will face that wall that makes us want to say "not fair. This is so not fair!!"

It will come. If it has not come to your life yet, it will. There will be one time when a most difficult wall will suddenly appear and you will give up and give in or you will meet it, confront it, and move on.

If life is not fair what do we do when we feel we have not been treated fairly? What do we do when we think and believe that someone else was treated in a more equitable manner than we are?

Life is about choices. You choose to find a way to make things more equitable if possible when you or someone you know has been treated in an unjust manner and it can be handled through legislation. I do not suggest that we should accept every not fair wall…those walls that we can tear down or climb over…go for it…scale them or bring them down.

In other cases, you go to the boss or supervisor, to try to reach an equitable solution if you seem inequities in your work place .And on and on. Confronting in a civil manner, the source of the situation that is not fair may offer a resolution that will appease every one. Sometimes though, we must resign ourselves to accept and move on. Deal with it and move on.

Find a way to change what you see is unfair...do all you can to make it happen. But, be ready to accept and to move on if the resolution you seek is not forthcoming. Sometimes you may not see the change immediately. Sometimes it comes later.

You will know you possibly were the impetus for change. You helped to make something better for those coming after you.

"God, grant me the Serenity to accept
the things I cannot change,
Courage
to change
the things I can, and
Wisdom
to know the
difference".

For those who do not embrace God as their higher power...you still find a way to try to deal with that which is challenging to you.

There are those walls, those mountains, though that must be met head on and scaled through use of positive energy and positive beliefs.

Begin at the beginning. Can you change whatever has caused you to feel something is not fair? Seriously, objectively evaluate and assess the situation to determine if anything you can do will make a difference in causing the situation to be fair.

If not perhaps you might want to consider the words from the Serenity Prayer (the rest of it is posted on this page)

Accept ---Courage--- Wisdom

Accept what we cannot change

Courage to change the things we can

And, the Wisdom to know the difference

If we can just breathe long enough to get our heads on straight, these words can in part guide us through some life challenge that we initially feel we just cannot handle.

Aaaahhh...the wisdom to know the difference. That is it.

Figure it out...can I change it?

If not, find that courage that is present within your soul, and move on.

Give yourself time to consider and mull over your challenge...the untimely death of a loved one, the terminal diagnosis of a child, spouse, or friend. Whatever wall, whatever mountain that comes, meet it head on. If you find you cannot change the fact that it exists, the next step is to begin to deal with the new reality and make each minute count.

It really is about choosing to get on with living.

One year when I was teaching middle school, the kids were discussing homework. Some hated it, some liked it, some never did it so did not really care. The discussion got rather heated at one point as the debate on who was right progressed.

Finally one young boy said, "Just do it." And all of the kids looked at him and were suddenly quiet. It made so much sense. Just do it...get it done.

And so it goes with feeling, believing, knowing that things are unfair. If you cannot do something about whatever it is, then move on, go forth, do not be stuck in nowhere land, filled with hate and bitterness. Just do it...just get on with embracing every moment of every day.

Form a shield around you and your family. A shield of positive energy that will get you through even your darkest hours. With a wall of positive energy there is no room for the negatives which pull you down and steal the precious moments of your life.

Understand of course that negatives will come----unwanted and unwelcome. But if you have surrounded yourself with positive energy and positive thinking these unwanted negatives will have much less power and impact on you and your family.

• Find what is important in your life. It will put all things in perspective for you.
• Surround yourself with those that are filled with a positive attitude and positive energy.
• You do not have to put your head in the sand and pretend that everything is simply marvelous.
• You can, however, lose the negativity and focus on the ways you can bring about change when it is possible.
• If a sense of fairness is that important to you, then the onus is on YOU to find a way to help see that it becomes fair. If we are not part of the solution we are part of the problem is an oft used quote. Perhaps it is because it holds so much truth.

If you are not willing to speak up about what Is unfair, then perhaps you should keep your mouth closed and not whine. I am included in this group too. If I am not willing to try to make a difference, then I should be silent.

Move forward rather than tripping over the yesteryears. Live today, these minutes, that you have.

Life just ain't fair. Know it, tuck it away somewhere, and be willing to accept what you cannot change and change what you can.

Be wise enough to know the difference. Leave behind those chasms of disappointment and anger. Wrap your arms around this new day that you have been given. Step forward into each new opportunity to experience what is coming your way.

http://www.searchquotes.com/quotation/Things_happen._People_come_and_go._Life_ain%27t_always_fair,_but_it%27s_always_worth_living!!!/382554/

http://hiren-qq.blogspot.com/2008/03/life-aint-fair.html