Life in Modern Britain: 12 Pet Peeves
12 Things I Hate or Dislike in Modern Britain
Please note: Not in any order of importance, just as they occur to me.
1) Smoking: I have never held a cigarette between these lips! A few cigars when I was splendidly drunk many moons ago, and a bit of weed with pliable women so as not to cause a hitch in proceeding; but ordinary, everyday tobacco? Not me, and aren’t smokers so obliviously self-involved? They just toss the butts down where they stand and curse the rest of us who now possess a semblance of control over their second-hand smoke. (Have you ever noticed how close to the doorways of the no-smoking establishments they stand, busily puffing outside, so that some of their stink drifts back in; their petty revenge for being banned?).
2) Politicians. You can never, ever, get a straight answer from one not tainted with the party line and spun to try to put them in a better light. This Labour mob today is the worst ever. Imagine how they got away with at all those years before television was able to pin them, wriggling like hooked lugworms, in the light of public scrutiny.
3) Mindless cruelty to animals and all the life forms which share this world with us. Seeing skeletal horses and starving, shivering dogs on TV just makes me want to kill someone.
4) British B and B’s and hotels in general. Does anyone ever feel they are made for midgets? I stayed in one last night near Brum that had the toilet jammed between the end of the bath and the wall. I am a neurotic shitter at the best of times; my bowel felt the squeeze and that was all she wrote! The room was “cheap” I was told, just £52/night. Ha! I could get better digs in Mexico for a week for that money.
4) Which brings me to the next pet hate. The words “Only,” “Just,” “As Little As,” “From, ” etc. I was in one of our hellish motorway services on the M6 a couple of days ago. The hotel rooms in the Days Inn were advertised at £29.95, £49.95, and some other price depending on what notice board you looked at. No one cares any more. There will soon be a situation where nothing has a fixed price, just what the traffic will bear. In a curious way, that might be a better system. Boy, these service stops are ugly, over-priced and unattractive. And full of poor, sad hoodies with nothing better to do than congregate at the local Costa. They were better 40 years ago when Forte ran them.
5) British Telecom, BT. Do you ever get the feeling there is no warm-blooded creature this side of Darjeeling manning a BT office? It’s all run by mindless, uncaring computers. I always expect a disembodied voice to answer my complains, “It’s my way or the highway.” In the USA, MaBell, the phone co., has small, regional offices everywhere where you go to sign-up and pick up your phone, etc. Or they did when I lived there. Real people, unless they are holographs, man them and are unfailingly cheerful and nice. Not in mean-minded, rip-off Britain!
6) All Banks and Wa-----, er, Bankers. How dare these materialistic swine hold a nation to ransom like this? And it is so glaringly obvious our government porkers are in collusion with them. After 3 years with Nationwide, I just had my rent cheque bounced because it would have made me £1 overdrawn! And my pension cheques arrive every Sunday night without fail. That cost me £8 penalty, which is why it is done of course. Why we never have a revolution here is beyond me.
(Actually, this hub is beginning to frighten me. Is there anything any good at all about life in Britain in the 21st Century?)
7) British drivers. Excellent drivers who have super-fast machines who won’t give you a bloody centimetre if you happen to want to drive slowly up a B-road to look at the countryside. Here’s a plea to the nation at large. DON’T ever again, drive within inches of my rear number plate because you want to travel faster than me. I will not speed up, nor slow down so you can overtake while giving me the finger. I have installed a rear machine gun and will not hesitate to use it. And I will suddenly brake hard, causing you to be in a frontal/rear-end collision, damaging your radiator and causing you to be really late for work, and allowing me to get a new car on your insurance! And while I’m on this subject, how do you like the sociopathic van and truck drivers who pass, then swerve towards you on purpose on the motorway to scare you, because you have been driving like you want to, not how they want you to. Gutless Berks!
8) Speed Cameras. These ridiculous tax-gatherers do absolutely nothing in making roads safer. The only time drivers are doing the correct speed is in the camera zone as they pass the nuisances, whether it be 30, 35, 40, or whatever speed some moron considers safe. You can see the brake lights flashing as they slow to pass, then the cars accelerating again after a few meters. They are nothing more nor less than another way to extort money from the British motorist, the most tax-savaged sufferer on the face of the planet.
9) Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day, etc., etc. All this Christmas crap in the stores by October, and hot-cross-buns seem a permanent fixture in most supers now. We can’t escape the incessant chorus of people trying to get more and more money from us at every turn.
10) Charity shops. I have done a hub on these blood-suckers. Filled with the pious and lonely unpaid workers who think they are actually helping the needy. Well, believe me, a huge percentage of the money is going into the pockets of the directors of the charity. And a huge percentage of the donations end up in the tip or in containers bound for foreign governments and we all know where the money go to from there: Mr and Mrs Rich Dictator.
10) Wheel Clampers. If any one thing will end in murder if it hasn’t already it is licensing swine to clamp the wheels of motorists for some minor parking infraction. It’s outlawed in any decent country in the whole wide world. Only mean-minded Labour could collude with crooks in this manner. It has never happened to me and I am terrified it will and drive me into doing something that will end my freedom for the rest of my days. I would personally welcome news of these bastards being shot like the dogs they are by some enraged motorist.
11) The Rubbish Police. We are now supposed to sort our rubbish out into more categories than there are items. What nonsense! It’s all so local councils (read minor dictatorships) can control and/or fine us at will. I lived in Mexico for many years and people charge you a few pennies to let them have your trash as it is recycled by the poor who live near (or on) the huge rubbish dumps and make a decent living. There are far too many people “in charge” in Britain, I feel like an aphid being milked by vicious ants (the establishment and its minions). Thank goodness we shall soon be able to get rid of one bunch of thuggish chancres (Ha! I wrote “Chancers,” and my computer changed it to “chancres“ as in syphilitic sores, maybe it knows best!)… and aren’t they clinging tenaciously to our throats!?
12) Phone Soliciting. This has reached a new peak of late. I made the mistake of just enquiring about getting a credit card online. This was 6 months ago. I never heard about my application, but I have received at least 100 unsolicited calls from people asking my about my “loan requirements.” You might not be able to get money for a mortgage, but, believe me, there is lots of slime out there ready to lend you money at extortionate rates of interest. What happens, of course, is that your phone number is sold on and sold again at ever falling prices to ever more sleazy chancres (thanks H.P Tools.), all trying to find some juice in the poor, beleaguered lemon that is you. What a mess!
I will add to this article as more annoyances occur to me in the future. Let me know, if you can be bothered, what really pisses you off, in Comments.