Loving Your Dark-Complexioned Self

A QUESTION THAT GETS UNDER THE SKIN

Someone — on the Hubpages — asked the question, "Why Do Men Prefer Light-skinned Women? Do Women Think Light-skinned Men Are More Handsome? I loved both questions, though I must admit I know people in my family alone who would be offended by these questions. I started working on my answer, but it was so long I decided to make it a hub. I can only talk about my perspective on the fair and dark conflict.

A DARK COMPLEXION IS REPULSIVE TO SOME

In the Black community the conflict of fair-complexioned women or men traces back to slavery. The conflicts are the stories passed down within African-American families of the fairer slaves working in the main house while the darker ones worked in the field. In the abusive photos, on slavery, I have seen over the years the people — of either gender — were dark-complexioned.

Once, years ago, when I was watching a documentary on Blacks in America, there was a segment about young African-American children — as young as five years old — being placed in work camps on trumped-up charges ... — in the early 20th century. I only remember seeing dark-complexioned children. This does not mean there were no abuses of fair-complexioned Blacks. To me that does not make sense. Still, I have never in all of my years seen any abusive photos of fairer-complexioned Blacks. Resentment within the African-American race is seen today.

FOR SOME HATING LIGHTER COMPLEXIONED BLACKS IS JUSTIFIED BECAUSE THE HISTORY OF SLAVERY

My late maternal grandmother disliked fair complexioned blacks, but not any of her fair-complexioned grandchildren. Some of us are dark and some are fair. She never said a bad thing about any of her grandchildren's hue. She was not so nice about their fair-complexioned parents' though. She would say something in such a funny way that the person would not take her serious. As I grew older and heard her statements I despised them.

MY CUTE NEW BOYFRIEND

Once, when I was about nine years old I remember liking this boy. He was a year older than I was. He was also cute, had a fair hue, and a medium size Afro. He was my first boyfriend, and I do not remember his name.

An older female friend of mine — she was his classmate — informed me that he liked me, thought I was cute, and wanted to be my boyfriend. It was the '70s, he had a Fro, so of course I said yes. I was so happy, but I could not tell any of my younger siblings, because they would have told my mother. My mother of course thought I was too young to have a boyfriend .... So, it was a secret.

The next day in school I decided to get a pass to see my cute new boyfriend. I looked into his class room and got the person's attention who was seated next to him. I gestured to that person to tap my boyfriend on his shoulder. My boyfriend looked up at me and I just beamed. He gave me a shy smile and I walked away happy.

LOSING MY NEW BOYFRIEND OF ONLY ONE DAY

After school, and outside my apartment building, my older friend came by to give me some shocking news about my new boyfriend. She said, "He wants to quit you".

"Quit me"?

"Yeah. He said you're cute but your too black and you embarrassed him today when you smiled at him."

I could not speak. How could I respond to such craziness. I was not taught to hate my black self nor my dark complexion so this offended and confused me. I did not know what to say. Still, my friend continued speaking through my hurt silence saying, "I asked him why he asked you out yesterday, and he said he did not know you were so black until you smiled at him and he saw your white teeth."

That angered me. What was I supposed to have brown teeth? At that moment, to myself I swore off fair-complexioned guys. It lasted a day ....

Still the ironic thing about that boy telling my friend he was not interested in dark-complexioned girls was that she was as dark as I was if not darker.

SELF-HATRED NOR BIGOTRY IS WITHIN ME AS AN ADULT

I am older and complexion nor race does not matter to me at all. How a man treats me is what I look out for. Plus, I could not afford being any type of bigot with the mixture within my family. My son is fair-complexioned, and I have several relatives that are bi-racial. Some of my relatives are not biracial, but are fair-complexioned. I have tons of relatives that would put me in my place if I showed any type of hatred towards darker or lighter complexioned blacks.

A COUPLE OF EXTREME SELF-HATING REACTIONS TO BEING DARK COMPLEXIONED

Still, I have to answer the question on Why I believe men prefer light-complexioned women, and women believe fair-complexioned men are more handsome. Well, this answer takes me back to two young women I have watched on TV once — years apart on two different programs — speaking on how people treated them so horribly for being dark complexioned as a child. Each decided they would never have a child with a dark-complexioned or black man. They did not want to have dark-complexioned children go through what they went through growing up. I must say they made me ill.

One of those two women had three children by a white man. He seemed like a really nice guy, but I kept thinking if she does not like her black self why would he like her in years to come? She hated the fact that she was sometimes mistaken for an African. That happens to most dark complexioned African-Americans. Myself included. The woman had issues.

The other woman was actually with a dark-complexioned black man, but she treated him horribly. She told him she would never have a child with him, but she would not leave him, because she loved him. I did not understand why he did not leave her. She was despicable!

A COMPLEXED TOPIC WITH NO GOOD ANSWERS

Still, because of my personal experiences — and these two women — my answer, is some men have self-hatred which have them looking for women lighter than they are. Some light-complexion people of both genders have a false sense of superiority over those of us that are dark-complexioned. Some of them believe lighter-complexioned Black people are beneath them. To be fair I know some darker-complexioned people that believe they are superior to light-complexioned Black people. None of this is correct. This is a very complexed subject, which makes most African-Americans uncomfortable. It is about as difficult as speaking to people honestly about race relations.

Thank God my seven year old son does not understand this nonsense, yet.

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