Lowering the prison population and reducing criminality. The perfect solution to jail overcrowding.

Prison is too easy nowadays.

The perfect way to cut crime and lower the prison population.

Further enhancements to the programme of prison reform.

Conclusion to my thoughts on penal reform.

Some appropriate music to listen to in jail.

There seems to be a feeling among a lot of people that the law, when it comes to punishing criminals, has got a bit soft. I have to admit that is a perception I share myself. Too often we hear of people who commit the most heinous crimes being let off with punishments that our ancestors would regard as ridiculously light.

People, who only 200 years ago would have been hanged, are now let off with a fine that in many cases remains unpaid.

Our prisons have become finishing schools, where the apprentice crook can study with the finest experts in the world, and emerge with enhanced skills to enable him/her to advance up a few more steps on the ladder of advanced criminality. Reducing crime seems but an afterthought in an inadequate justice system.

At the same time, the cry goes up from politicians and the chattering classes, that prisons are overcrowded, and that we need more of these places of incarceration to take the growing number of these "nightmare givers" off our streets, so that the rest of us can rest a bit more easily in our beds.

I have been squandering some grey matter on the issue, of how we might reduce the level of crime, and the amount of criminals on our streets, and at the same time reduce drastically the prison population, getting rid of the need to build any new prisons, thus giving our respective beloved governments, more money to spend on the things that really matter; (boring things like schools and hospitals, and fun things like special grants for alcohol purchase for dipsomaniac Anglo Irish hubbers.)

My suggestion to any governmental authority that has the wit to listen to me is that the numbers of incarceratees can be shrunk significantly, and the level of offending in society really reduced, if the government incorporates a lottery into the working of the criminal justice system. This needs to be applied from the bottom of the spectrum to the very top. All convicted criminals, whose crime dates from the passing of the law, should be entered into this great raffle.

How it would work is simplicity itself. There would be only one prize, life imprisonment without parole. All people who commit a criminal act, from the date on which the law is passed, should be eligible. This is regardless of whether they have been convicted of cycling on the pavement or mass murder. The draw should be held once a week. There should be two winners. This would mean that approximately one hundred people would win a complete life tariff, every year. There could be an additional draw around Christmas, giving some seasonal uncheer to an additional ten or twelve malefactors. The fact that this might destroy a lifetimes Christmases for an additional twelve families, should encourage parents, spouses, and siblings to put pressure on any antisocially inclined family members to stay in line. Offenders who had been convicted before the law was passed should be excluded from the lottery, but only with regards to the crimes committed prior to the new arrangement.

The draws should be given the maximum publicity, with the glossiest possible television advertisements to make certain that everyone knows about them. There could even be a slogan. Something along the lines of "if you don’t want to be IN, make sure you don’t WIN", would be pretty catchy. It could be plastered on posters of really miserable men and women with bars in front of them.

There should be a special programme on for Lottery Night. A really top personality should be chosen to draw the prizes; (a supermodel or a really sexy member of a boy band would be ideal). The names of the winners should be announced. Later in the same week, I would like to see an extra edition where they send a couple of outside broadcast units to the winners prison, or home if they are not in jail, to officially present them with their award, or drag them off to life "inside", whichever is applicable.

There should be frequent updates on the condition of randomly selected prize winners. These could be quite brief. They would only need to say something like this.

“Twenty year old Gary was caught shoplifting seven years ago. With an average male life expectancy, in captivity, of seventy two years, Gary can expect to be carried out of prison in his coffin in around forty six years".

I think that might make an impression.

For this new policy to really be successful, it must be rigidly adhered to. There can be no back tracking by any soft hearted governments, and there should be absolutely NO APPEAL, no matter how extenuating the circumstances.

I do not anticipate an immediate huge reduction in the numbers in jail, or the amount of criminals. But once people see that the law is a serious one, (the regular updates on the distressing condition of the unlucky winners should help there), I would expect a very considerable reduction in the level of all criminal activity throughout society.

Think about it, and then be very good.

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