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Make Informed Choices - Updated
An Email - With a Dire Warning
Yes the political arena has now moved from the Lamp posts, bus shelters and banners festooned on over head bridges. The unpaid solicitation and voting persuasion has hit us in our homes!
This latest form of unpaid urgings and methods of try to sway our votes away from what we South Africans hold firmly onto hearts and souls as who me must vote for.
It is this subtle method of voter solicitation that will win the coming election!
Here it is!
A farmer was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Limpopo when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young previously disadvantagedman in anArmanisuit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the farmer, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?'
The farmerlooks at the man, who is so obviously a yuppie, then looks across his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers; 'Sure, Why not?'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany
Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data is stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the farmerand says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'
'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Van.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the farmersays to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'
'You're a Member of Parliament for the current ruling Party', says the farmer.
'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'
'No guessing required.', answered the farmer .
'Firstly, you showed up here even though nobody called you; you then want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question that I never asked. Further more you then tried to show me just how much smarter than me you are; and finally you don't know a bloody thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . . .Now please give me back my dog.
The rider to this email was to urge people to vote responsibly.
Of Course Education Is Important
This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended! This is the
message that the MaroochydoreHigh School Queensland , staff voted
unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine .
This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This
came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and
parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing
The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their
children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though
those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did
not complete enough school work to pass their classes.
The outgoing message:
Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.
In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member,
please listen to all the options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To swear at staff members - Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in
your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To complain about school lunches - Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be
Accountable and Responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work,
homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack
of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!
If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.
As the Elections get Closer
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.
She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet abovesea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a DA supporter!"
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist," everything you told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still
lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be an ANC Government official"
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going.
You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."