Maybe Someday Somehow

I admit it. I didn't even look for a job today. It's been since Feb 2009 since I've worked. Over a million people share my story. We of course, are leeches. We want to suck off society. No one wants to hear our shrill cries that the economy was busted by the corrupt in Wall Street, the corrupt in government, the lobbyists, the stock holders. No it was us. The work force. The people who go 9-5 and produce things or make money for companies. We busted our asses. Some of us for decades at one company. Then that loyalty became a liability. We'd lived too well maybe. We bought cars and houses. Not as nice as the Porsche sports cars and million dollar mansions the executive officers were buying... but still. Much nicer for us than living in a box or a tent. The home we envision in our futures now.

One has to wonder what will happen next. Congress it seems was more worried about their 4th of July celebrations than they were about millions of devastated Americans. Maybe they just hope we die or start killing ourselves? Maybe they are like Scrooge hoping we do die and thus "reduce the surplus population". Like the BP oil spill is to BP executives is this unemployment mess to Congress. Those who profited on these now unemployed souls just wish it would go away. Poor babies just want their lives back. Well, guess what - us too!

My company made a billion dollars in profit last year, yet I just heard they laid off my buddy the other day. The guy who was their work horse. A guy they sent all around the world for two years. No, his divorce had nothing to do with that I bet. Then they shit canned him. Probably because his salary was too large and benefits too great. Like me this dumb ass showed loyalty or more likely was just the kind of guy who did his job to the best of his abilities regardless of the ungrateful environment. Maybe I'll find out how he really feels now. He's been such a good tight lipped employee up until now. It be nice to hear him admit what heartless bastards they are to make these kinds of decisions. I mean, if the company was losing money - maybe... but when a company takes advantage of an economic crisis (when they aren't in one) to thin staff and drive up dividends - something has to be wrong. Is that what America is about? Maybe they don't give a damn about America as all the large American companies are "global" now. How many other companies are doing this? Getting rid of workers who are consumers seems like cutting off your own legs.

At least we aren't alone. We have the comfort that maybe just maybe we aren't the fuckups but instead got the shaft. Hard to believe it falls on us lazy unemployed, not if there are this many of us. Over 10 percent of the nation? It can't be just us is what we feel. We want to work. How many of us would go back now to the very slime that let us go without regard for our lives, families and service to them? I would now. Anything for my family. No more of this is a chance to take a new path. Give me a coal mine maybe. Give me a shovel. Let me serve fries. Certainly my BA in Comp Sci is qualification enough to serve burgers and shakes? They say they are hiring.

It's a problem greater than money. If you've never experienced being surrounded by dozens of coworkers, many of them whom you've considered friends for years, and then get yanked one day from that support group and outlet... well, consider yourself lucky. To not be welcome in the building where your old friends are is hard. Sure, you can have lunch with them. Sure, they'll laugh how lucky you are to get to go home now and not back to work. And you do feel a tad lucky to not have to rejoin that rat race. But it is confusing when you feel agitated after the lunch with the "old crew". You feel isolated. Not a part of the world. The world races around you while you stand and watch it. You have no purpose. If you were the provider you've let down your family. You question your self worth. I've gone through a lot in my life and nothing compares to the gamut of pain that exists in being let go when you can't pick up the pieces again.

For me, my time is running out. I still have some benefits to compliment the money I'd saved. It's hard to have saved for two decades so you could have a better future and nice retirement and then burn it to live. We're cashing out pensions and 401ks. How many of us will have to go live with our children instead of retire with grace to our paid off homes? How many won't be able to face that and react badly with violence to themselves or others? Then congress might crap their pants and give us some more money instead of the jobs we want. Maybe we can't expect government to help. You'd think since the people running the country ruined it, they'd help clean it up. Guess not.

For those of who understand this pain. Those of us who don't ridicule it. Those of us know we aren't to blame. Those of us who know we do want to work again and be productive and a part of society again - we need to still stand tall. Til the end. Don't lose your soul over circumstances you can't control. If you are slipping get help. Find help. Most importantly, accept the help with that head high. It shouldn't be wrong that we help each other. That at times we give the help and at times we need the help. We have to believe we will ride this out. We have to believe that maybe someday we'll work all this out.