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Methbillies and Other Hazards Since the Camp Fire

Updated on May 27, 2020

Well, it was back in the good old days that it was just meth heads wandering around town. Now we got heroin addicts too. They're worse, because they wander around into the middle of traffic and so you not only have to watch out for the traffic, which has become congested, but you have to be careful not to waste the wasted hop head that dangerously jaywalks in front of you when you are heading up the boulevard just trying to grab a snack at Walmarks.

It's true.

It doesn't matter how cute she is, she shoots up and isn't thinking straight. Don't trust er.
It doesn't matter how cute she is, she shoots up and isn't thinking straight. Don't trust er. | Source

Disaster Exploiters

Evidently there's a whole culture based in people who exploit disasters. They come on down to get the free stuff, camp out and some of the more sophisticated ones find ways to buy up needed products to price gouge you. Either way, they are like rats and roaches, and you're always having to jump and hurdle them as they scurry to eat up all the cheese.

This is what's happened to my town since the town ten miles aways from it was decimated by P.G. and E. inspired fire.

At any rate, they come in in droves and you can't avoid them. They obviously have a penchant for shooting up smack and it makes them deaf, dumb and blind. They cross the street wherever and whenever they want, striding with a center of gravity at the tip top of their skulls. It's quite entertaining and terrifying simultaneously, it's territaining. Or enterfying.

People shooting up heroin tend to wander into moving traffic.
People shooting up heroin tend to wander into moving traffic. | Source

And They All Shop at Walmarks

Is it Wallmarks? Cause that's what they keep calling it.

Anyway, they like the big stores. Like Walmart. They go where the bargains are. And they don't care if there's a pandemic happening now, they don't need no mask and they can talk loudly to their rotten kids two feet away from you too if they damn well feel like it. It don't matter nuthin' to them!

Well, they scatter themselves around the streets and walk in front of traffic without paying attention, it follows they do the same thing in Walmart. They're not even the usual Walmart shopper who zips around in a scooter because they're morbidly obese and can't walk around more than a few feet. They are perfectly ambulatory but still don't know how to navigate in a bipedal position.I mean, they walk on two feet, but they shouldn't. They've got the normal skills of a toddler when it comes to watching what they're doing.

But you might be able to get a date. With the influx of drug addicts comes the influx of other businesses that cater to your needs.
But you might be able to get a date. With the influx of drug addicts comes the influx of other businesses that cater to your needs. | Source

So, What Do You Do?

Here's a few honest to goodness pieces of advice:

  • Take the back roads. Yes, traffic is now congested on the main thoroughfares, you are always a hair's width away from getting rear-ended or facing a terrifying head-on collision. Try to avoid the main streets and boulevards and learn the back roads where the traffic is less heavy.
  • The first option also keeps you away from the hop head zombies that wander out into the middle of traffic without paying attention. But if you're forced to deal with these zombies, you have to be the one to pay attention. For the sake of both of you.
  • I guess avoid Walmart as much as possible. But, I understand, not everyone can afford to avoid Wallmarks.


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