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Our "immediate" family and us. In-law house guests and happiness.

Updated on June 17, 2013

The writer is an odd duck. Youngest of six in the US is a dying breed.

Growing up this writers' opinion or input meant less than a drop of rain in a flood. Nobody ever cared about the drop. Now he is an accomplished man of sorts with 4 children of his own. He somewhere along the line became a head of household type. And then somehow he became and philosopher/preacher/paramedic/paralegal type that folks could come to ask his opinion.

Strangest thing of all folks seem to like this large bear of a man, seek out his counsel and enjoy his words.

Of course do not get me wrong -- there is no respect in his family of origin or much of his hometown. Heard tell, that is kinda normal for a youngest of 6.

A hermit lived here but opened up for tourism in about 1859 in the middle of the Grand Canyon.

You cannot, absolutely cannot get to that peak from where the picture is taken, directly.
You cannot, absolutely cannot get to that peak from where the picture is taken, directly. | Source

We are not so sure how much nature versus nurture go in to making what we are today.

Well here is a funny thing about the writer. A few weeks ago his household doubled with folks that are in-laws and generally do not speak much English. They camp in the kitchen and activate on vacation schedules rather than the writers. The writer half works from home. So home environment is critical to him.

So the writer sat down with himself and his fully spirit adviser and asked how to cope. Of course the spirit tapped him on the knee and said --" Who must cope? You have love, what else do you need? Gaul darnit, the spirit was right. How hard it must be for his darling /youngest of six/ wife to deal and be happy in the situation. Of course it is more fun to share a kitchen and a car and a yard and my children with family.

The touch of another brings irritation or???

Can you really love the one your with, when they are in the dang way?!

See results

So the writer settled and smiled big and had fun.

Love is a tool that we can use for our own happiness. That is good. But when we get that others happiness is what brings us the most happiness we are free to love and be loved.

Then one night the wife of the writer began to burst out about worries and problems to the writer. And then told the writer that he had been weird the last few weeks. She yelled and screamed and cast out nasty ugly hateful vibes. The writer did not budge and did not shake or retaliate. It was late on Sunday and the man had spent the day preaching love.

Not the time to hug, not the time to argue, not the time to even show love. A time to remain silent and wash the wife's car with the young boy, so there be peace, and joy.

Those who are youngest of six no not to rock the boat. Unless it is a good time to rock the boat.

I got family, and by God, I love 'em!

Youngest once with youngest now
Youngest once with youngest now | Source

So do we decide when it is convenient to love? Hmm.

Life is not about need or greed it is about the seed of happiness

It is true that most are not happy.

It is true that most should be.

It is true that it is your choice.

The writer took some time today by a fountain.

And he prayed thanks to the cosmos and universe and mother earth and moon and stars and Buddha and most of all to his Spirit Guide who is and shall ever be a trinity of what he cannot see, what he cannot touch and what he cannot fathom.

And that praise went into the night sky but was pushed back down on all his family.

For the writer had learned to step aside, as he did as a child, and be one drop in a raging torrent, but to be the best damn drop he could be.


So back to you nice folks who came along for this ride.

I do hope maybe by this story, you realize: people are more important than routines, love is more important than extremes and that whenever we fee like it is tough--- it is tougher on our spouse.

Have a happy and let me leave you with this; I am a no good for nothing horrible hell dog, low belly sidewinder snake that would soon bite you as look at you. But with the right work, even I can be loved.

Can I get an Amen? brothers and sister!!

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    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

      I know your family has to feel spoiled by your cooking, too! They don't call it comfort food for nothing. And if the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, that must work with most anyone. So I guess we have no choice but to use the kitchen to show our love. : )

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Vespawoolf, I am certain your family will feel your love. My friend though I tell you that you will have a problem. Once they check out your recipes, drinks and concoctions........ they will never leave. Folks vespawoolf even has a cool index to check out cool things: http://hubpages.com/@vespawoolf

      Hey it just hit me; we have immediate family here too!

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

      Amen! This is another beautifully written reminder about the need to love. We can decide to get bent out of shape by circumstances beyond our control, or we can go with the flow and try to make things easier on our mate. You're so right...if it's hard on us then it's hard on them, too. Since we will soon be spending time with my in-laws these are great reminders that will help me enjoy our time together. Thank you!

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Love Reaper, I follow you everywhere. You are beauty. We are learning so much together. Please excuse my brusque manner and seeming toughness. Someone just cut me out of the puzzle that way. I kind of limp with a streak of meanness. Oh well my burden.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      Amen Dearest Brother Eric!

      What a beautiful hub here of your joy in loving your family despite those days that they may get in the way of one's routine. Yes, people and family we must love and not our routines! And sometimes it is hard to love unconditionally, but not really, when your heart is right!

      Awesome Eric! After I discovered you with your amazing answers to my questions, I thought I was following you, but alas, it was not so, and so I must read your heartfelt writes here and catch up!

      Voted up ++++ and sharing

      God bless. In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Theresa, land holds family together. I have family of origin issues but our common land binds us forever. I do not have bug bites from them I have huge festering infected malignant sores. But I get over it a few times a year and we do projects at our "cabin" and we hold hands and eat together and love.

      Oh yes, them folk back in Theresas neck of the woods call it a "cottage".

      If you do not know phdast7 get out here and read her work: http://phdast7.hubpages.com/hub/The-Cottage-on-Mul...

      My love for here extends the distance and her latest piece on the Cosmos and I hold her hand but I suggest you read this: http://phdast7.hubpages.com/hub/Mumford-and-Sons-W...

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Eric - Wonderful read, wonderful examples explaining wonderful truths. You write, and obviously live, with such joy....not perfection because who has that, but joy and gratitude. I am a first born BTW, and I see qualities of "you" in my youngest brother who was a fourth/last born.

      I started to apologize for being so late to read this, but its not late at all, it is right on time. Several of my extended family members have "together" bought a small piece of land with a house as a camping, hiking, fishing, spiritual restoration, weekend get-away home for all to share. We will be working on and improving it for years to come.

      I am getting up at five in the morning to go spend a day working with a couple of family members on the property ... your hub will stand me in good stead for the small irritations and differences of life that are both inevitable, and ultimately unimportant. Bless you. Theresa

    • shanmarie profile image

      shanmarie 4 years ago

      Perhaps it is merely human nature to grumble, even if only on the inside, when our own routines are disrupted. We naturally like things all our way. Nice to know everyone is human, though, and emotions such as annoyance, irritation, anger, etc. do pass, especially when love and compassion are present. You mention a time of not displaying love, but it was obviously there unconditionally. :)

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      You know it is true Chris, but I can always use some more --- thanks for sending me some.

    • christopheranton profile image

      Christopher Antony Meade 4 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      I'm certain you are drowning in love all the time round your house. You deserve to be as well Eric.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thanks MsDora, I will probably get some heat from the anti-codependency crowd. But that is really a different notion.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thanks Lurana, Maybe it can help some go through a tough patch. Just because we love does not mean we like.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 4 years ago from The Caribbean

      You got my Amen. I hope you can hear it all the way from here. Great article with a great message. "When we get that others happiness is what brings us the most happiness we are free to love and be loved."

    • MrsBrownsParlour profile image

      Lurana Brown 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      I needed to hear this message, wow! It really connected with me...thank you. ~Lurana

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Trhthfornow, I sat and thanked stars above that the experience got me out of my ways and into OUR ways. So much better to learn and accept. So much better to be a part and not The part.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      This is huge for cooking. We bumped elbows and I was to cook American and Italian, while they hunkered down with Pho' and rice. And we were happy sharing in the food we ate and the time around a small dinner table built for four but perfect for eight. Food was our constant companion and our sameness in joy.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Cat, we are so lucky to see through the lens of our writing and reflection. We get the juice of life.

    • truthfornow profile image

      truthfornow 4 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      Amen. Love towards others is a good way to go. Routines don't matter as much as people.

    • My Cook Book profile image

      Dil Vil 4 years ago from India

      Nice hub, i had a good read.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Amen, Amen and Hallelujah! Eric, this is just simply wonderful and the words you speak are so true and often hard to hear. I'm glad you let yourself get out of your own way and now shared with others so we may do the same. You Rock, Eric!

      Hugs,

      Cat

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Brother Billy it is us, who are so blessed to have you in this great state. Mano or Mano my life is enriched by you. (hay, and I telling you sometime you intrude into my bliss -- muchas gracias mi amigo)

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      You can get a chorus of Amens, brother! Great message as always. I grumble my butt off when my routine is disrupted, but then I realize just how lucky I truly am.