Parental Alienation And It's Attrocities
It Isn't Fair
No One Wins
The anger and rage that one parent may feel can cause them to want to get revenge on the other parent for any number of reasons. Most often when parental alienation occurs, there has been some sort of domestic abuse in the relationship prior to the separation. The thing that needs to be remembered it that when this occurs, NO ONE wins; particularly not the children. Pitting the children against one parent only damages the children, causes deeper insecurities and creates even more difficult situations than are already happening.
Long Term Effects
Children who are exposed to a parent trying to achieve parental alienation are more likely to suffer from self hatred, substance abuse and many other maladies; detrimental to their overall psychological well being.
- The Impact of Parental Alienation on Children | Psychology Today
Every child has a fundamental need for love and protection.
My Families Personal Story And Parental Alienation
I never dreamed that this would be my life. Never in a million years did I think that I wouldn't see my children, the children I love and adore to the ends of the Universe and back, the babies that I nursed for what some would say was a ridiculous amount of time.
But here I sit writing this article two thousand miles from my babies. My ex husband created "The Perfect Storm" for his desire to make me the one who was on the outside looking in. This story is so insane that even I have a hard time believing it is real.
I had the audacity to leave and that is where it all began. He promised me he would see me eating out of a dumpster. Let me tell you he has done everything in his power to see it happen. We have been in this tumultuous divorce for nearly five years and some of the most ridiculous things have taken shape. He filed bankruptcy to try to make me comply with what he wanted, if I wouldn't settle for the amount he wanted that he would follow through. We had mediation the night before court at our business with both of our attorneys and a retired judge. The judge advised me to take what he was offering and walk away, his exact words were "Get the hell out, I've seen cases like this over a 30 year career and this is your best bet for the freedom you want." I agreed and my ex decided that he didn't want to pay me anything. Court is still on for the next day.
Our hearing is for two o'clock, my attorney and I walk in a few minutes before, the judge comes out, everyone rises. He calls the case out and then proceeds to ask my attorney if she knows about the bankruptcy and that it had been filed; he had received the notice a mere twenty minutes prior to the hearing, This "stayed" everything.
Fast forward; a year later and he is being investigated for a fraudulent bankruptcy, our marital property is in foreclosure, and threats are running rampant. At one point when he hasn't paid me for at least the sixth time, this time the longest period ever; the judge finally decides to use his power and orders him to pay me or go to jail.
There has been plenty of police contact over the years but it was always "he said, she said". My ex still talked to my parents at the time and he told my stepfather what was going on. He had told him that "if I'm going down I am not going down alone. I've talked to the funeral home and made arrangements if anything happens to me." My mother called me and told me what had been said, at the time I was out in California. I called the police as well as the school super intendant, I had no clue what his intent was and I wanted to be sure everyone was safe. Just before the fourth of July he had threatened my life, I wasn't so sure that this wasn't going to be the end of it all. I spoke to the police department, who in turn shuffled me to the sheriffs department. They made a visit to the house and wasn't there, so they made a phone call. They went through the list of things they had been told and he denied each and every one of them. In his conversation though he then informed the officer that "if you do come and try to arrest me, you better bring twenty deputies." I don't know what your thoughts are on this but mine is, you just threatened the police and now all hell is going to break loose. WRONG!!!!
I contacted my attorney and by Monday she was off my case. My ex hated her and made it very clear. She sent me an email stating that she feared for her family and that she would need to withdraw.
We have a court date for her withdrawal and I am now representing myself. Another court date was in place for child support and I kept it on the docket. In this time there was more police contact and violations of the restraining order to which nothing was done. I had filed some paperwork with the courts trying to get full placement of the kids on that same day and ask to leave the state with the kids. Before that hearing sitting in the waiting room in the courthouse he violated the restraining order not once but twice. They have it on video and the D.A. Ray Pelrine chose to do nothing about it. Now if you're willing to violate a restraining order in the courthouse where won't you. During that hearing the judge informed me that we would have to go through a guardian ad litem and start the whole process over. My fears and all that had taken place were shot down. I feared for my safety and had no choice but to change the order and leave the state. He had created a mess that in his minds eye I was responsible for and I was going to pay.
He had gone through the community (which is small) and spread lies about me, which made it nearly impossible to get a job that could sustain my family. I made the choice to leave with the hopes that leaving would ensure that I would be alive so that I would be able to have a relationship with my children over the long term.
In the course of the almost two months that I have been gone I have been back at Christmas to take my kids, and I got them all tablets with Skype so we could maintain contact. Needless to say there is no land line so I can't call and he doesn't offer up any alternatives to the kids. He has told the kids that they can't Skype me cause the internet is no good.
Thankfully my best friend is also my youngest son's teacher and with the time difference I spend every school day on the phone with him, helping with homework and reading to him. My older daughter I can text, but he has filled her with hate. I think we have had a bit of a breakthrough though. The two kids in the middle I send e-mails and I try and send boxes of goodies and love home frequently. I feel like I am losing the battle though. I know that my youngest not talking to me, he just daydreams and cries in school. My youngest daughter she just always tries to find the bright spot; and she remembers her father hitting me, she says she understands. It doesn't make her hurt any less. My oldest son, he has just shut his heart away. I hope one day I can help him open it back up. My oldest child still at home, she graduates this year and can't wait to get the hell out. She goes back and forth, she doesn't want to believe that her father would be so awful but she has seen his bad side. It's never been directed at her but at her older siblings not of the marriage.
I firmly believe and have seen with my own eyes the abuse of parental alienation. You can hate your ex for what they've done or haven't done to you or for you but you have to remember that "Once upon a time" you loved one another to bring the best of both of you into this world. For that you have to be kind enough to let your children be loved as much as they can by both of you.
On my end, the feelings that I have are ones of hopelessness, fear of my children falling so far from me that I will never hold them close again. I had to do this though because the alternative was my potential death.
Hopefully the law will finally do something with him and I will have my children back and be able to have a peaceful happy life. This is most certainly not the end of the story!