ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Pineal Gland - God Organ or just another squishy thing in your brain?

Updated on October 10, 2016
This is really cool. It's like Star Trek or PBS.
This is really cool. It's like Star Trek or PBS.

Look no further than your third eye

Deep in the dark recesses of your glandular metabolism operates your Pineal Gland. It does stuff like secrete melatonin. It also makes people stay up all night spewing online treatises. Along with Iapetus, your Pineal Gland engenders more sincere inanity than Donald Trump's hair stylists.

Discovered in 1492, the Pineal Gland came to prominence when people realized the Earth was no longer balanced on the back of a giant turtle. A new focus was needed. Many scribes and other people living in mud huts realized the significance of a little-known gland tucked away in an important part of the human body. These erstwhile folks posited the possibility of leveraging mystic technobabble relative to convincing The Gullible to believe pretty much anything.

it's in there somewhere.
it's in there somewhere. | Source

It's shaped like a pine cone and it's the size of a pea

Your Pineal Gland busily cranks out vital bodily requirments much needed by other parts of your body that are not mystical. Some people earnestly assert a third-eye type functionality operating in parallel with well understood biology. You can see into the future or under rocks or through political speeches: precise details are unclear. This plays havoc with sunglasses manufacturers because adding that third ethereal lense makes focusing problematic.

No comment. Pick out your own symbolism.
No comment. Pick out your own symbolism.

Look to the squishy things underfoot

Some naturally-occurring species detect light using their own private pineal gland. Birds, reptiles, and frogs, but not NASCAR drivers, have pineal glands with much of the functionality of a traditional eye. You probably do not. I know I don't.

According to Answers dot Yahoo dot Com, which is rarely wrong about this type of thing, a bird deploys a pineal gland to "fly upside down and study the clouds." I can't make this stuff up, but I would if I had the talent.

just kidding
just kidding

Wikipedia Weighs in, and It's Really Interesting

Your pineal gland is the only midline brain structure that is azygous. Azygous won't pass my spell checker and it means unpaired. We could say 'unpaired' but simple words never earned a government grant.

The meaining of "midline brain structure" is obvious and we won't bore you with repetition. You're welcome.

I think it's the Q-tip gland
I think it's the Q-tip gland

More wacky Pineal Gland Activities

Some scientists may have agreed that a Pineal Gland may perhaps possibly sometimes generate a psychoactive chemical similar to DMT. DMT is N,N-Dimethyltryptamine and you can't get it at Wal Mart. Why the ubiquitous pineal gland cannot perhaps generate the real DMT is unclear at this time. Perhaps only the generic equivalent is covered under your prescription drug plan.

Some scientists stay home and read Scientific American whilst sipping 5-Hour Energy. That doesn't mean you should do the same. Science is not performed by consensus, but conspiracies are.

Does not have a pineal gland, as far as you know.
Does not have a pineal gland, as far as you know. | Source

Of course, it's also piezoelectric.

This little gland should be sufficiently amazing by now. But wait, there's more.

Buried deep in the gland are cool biological structures that convert radio waves into electricity. This is a piezoelectric effect and all the other glands are insanely jealous. Your throid glands refuse to associate with your pineal gland during gland mixers. No pineal gland is ever invited to the gland Christmas Party.

You will meet some people who think they can run their Prius on piezoelectric properties of pineal glands but they are almost always late to the Christmas Party for obvious reasons.


I searched for pineal on PixaBay and this popped up.
I searched for pineal on PixaBay and this popped up.

What does the Descartes say?

Rene Descartes, famous person who lived before Twitter, called our favorite gland the ‘Seat of the Soul’. Obviously Rene never shopped at Ikea.

Decartes went on to say that it's the focal point of our spiritual guiding system which makes us go beyond the five senses of rationality and become multisensory, tuned into and aware of higher dimensions of consciousness within a holographic cosmos. I find this difficult to dispute because it makes no sense.

Pineal Lake, Sudbury, Unorganized, North Part, ON P0M, Canada

Are You Convinced Yet?

Indeed our little Pineal Gland provides hours of fun for crystal huggers. Bloviating online would not be the same without pea-sized melatonin-secreting eyeball-imitating naturally-occurring biological instances. I, for one, salute the thing. I don't use it to see but I see that it means the world to me.

When I want to sleep, my pineal gland soothes me with melatonin. When I want a third eye I will visit the Halloween store.

This article was about

See results

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      3 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @bradmasterOCcal : Nothing is your bad. Nothing.

    • bradmasterOCcal profile image

      NOYFOB 

      3 years ago

      drbj

      What kind of britches does a Pineal Gland wear?

      I guess I wasn't clear that I was referring to the pineal gland winning the Presidential Race.

      my bad.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      3 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @DrBJ I see what you did there. Once again you cement your position as "Funniest Hubber."

      (bows)

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      3 years ago from south Florida

      @bradmasterOCcal and @Nicomp: Naw, not the best choice. Those who are too big for their britches are exposed in the end!

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      3 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @bradmasterOCcal : Hillary is my guess. She has been second-fiddle to a gland for a long time.

    • bradmasterOCcal profile image

      NOYFOB 

      3 years ago

      drbj

      Who would be its VP?

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      3 years ago from south Florida

      @Nicomp: Agreed. And with the current crop of contenders, the Pineal Gland could win!

    • bradmasterOCcal profile image

      NOYFOB 

      3 years ago

      nicomp

      Interesting topic, and an even more interesting perspective.

      It would be interesting, third use of this word, if the pineal gland has changed since early man. In the last century, we have sprayed electromagnetic waves around the world, and that has to be a new environment for the pineal gland.

      As it is sensitive to these waves, and seems to be stimulated by them, is it doing its job, or is it overworked, like those involved in the fight or flight response.

      We don't process real threats in that system today. Most of the time, the threats are false, artificially generated by ourselves, putting us in a trigger states. Like having your left foot on the brake and at the same time pressing on the gas. We don't go anywhere, but crazy.

      The EM Waves of today, are not healthy for the pineal gland.

      Sitting between two hemispheres of the brain must be meaningful, maybe as control module. There must be something more than just releasing Melatonin and keeping the Circadian rhythm going, as important as that function is to us.

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      3 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Eldon Arsenaux: How nice you are!!

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      3 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @drbj : I think that gland could be President. You?

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      3 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Mel Carriere : I trust you expensed your sunglasses ?

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      3 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @breakfastpop: Thanks!

    • Eldon Arsenaux profile image

      Eldon Arsenaux 

      3 years ago from Cooley, Texas

      Your descriptions of the Pineal Gland's relation to Descartes and DMT were Highlarious. There can be only one nicomp!

      -E.G.A.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      3 years ago from south Florida

      This line of yours, Nicomp, is so unforgettable it kept me up all last night: "Your Pineal Gland engenders more sincere inanity than Donald Trump's hair stylists." And what a surprise: the gland is azygous as well. You have outdone yourself with this one, my friend.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 

      3 years ago from San Diego California

      Despite our mutual political antagonism, your catchy title forced me to grovel over here to read it. To refute your points, I can say I do have a pair of sunglasses for my third eye, thst I carry in my mail bag, which protect me from the harsh glare of my overly inspirational thoughts. Secondly, while I have never seen a bird fly upside down, I have seen many a goldfish navigate belly up in my toilet. Both of these things completely disprove your skepticism. Voted up insightful.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 

      3 years ago

      I'm confused, but I am amused as always.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)