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Racial Misunderstandings

Updated on May 20, 2013

The neighbors

Before I was married, I was renting a house in Salem, Virginia, next to a white couple who had a young son. The boy used to come into my yard to play with my dog, Ralph, and I often talked to his parents across the top of our shared fence.

My then-fiancée, Amy, who is African-American, visited me one day, and the three of us chased Ralph around the yard. The boy’s parents stared at us for several minutes before abruptly calling their son inside.

The next day, my neighbors put up a “For Sale by Owner” sign. They also forbid their son to come into my yard to play with Ralph. The little boy was heartbroken and let his parents know about it—loudly.

“I wanna play with Ralph!” he shouted. “I wanna play with John and Amy!”

“No,” his mother said.

“Why?” the little boy cried.

I never heard a response, but I did hear the little boy cry “Why?” for several days. Evidently, he didn’t hear an answer either.

A week later, my neighbors took down the sign and allowed their son to play with Ralph.

Though they would never speak to my fiancée, they didn’t sell their house and let their son hang out with us whenever we were playing with the dog.

At the store

At a Kmart in Roanoke, Virginia, Amy was shopping for toys.

A little white girl ran up to Amy and rubbed her little hand on Amy’s arm. The little girl smiled, turned to her mother, who was further down the aisle, and shouted, “Mama, it don’t come off!”

Amy smiled at the little girl.

The little girl’s mother ran down the aisle, scowling, and yanked her daughter away.

Amy smiled and waved at the little girl.

The little girl waved back, her face one huge grin.

The playground

At Crystal Spring Park in Roanoke, my son Josh was zipping around on the monkey bars when a little white girl came over to me with the widest eyes.

“Can I play with him?” She pointed at Josh.

“Sure,” I said. “But only if it's okay with your mother."

She wrinkled up her lips and glanced at her mother, who sat on a nearby bench talking on a cell phone. "She won't care. What's his name?"

"His name is Joshua," I said, "but you can call him Josh. He’s my son.”

The little girl frowned. “That’s not possible,” he said. “He’s brown.

“So is his mama,” I said with a smile.

“His mama’s brown?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said. “And she is very beautiful.”

The little girl looked from me to Josh, starting twice toward the monkey bars before shaking her head and frowning. “Oh.” She looked back at me. “Can I still play with him?”

“Of course.”

The two of them played all day.

The phone never left her mother's ear.

One day

I believe the children in this country could end racism in one day. All they need are some dogs, a healthy sense of curiosity, and a playground.


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    • multiculturalsoul profile imageAUTHOR

      JJ Murray 

      5 years ago from Roanoke, Virginia

      When the boys were young, we went to a playground in an affluent neighborhood. The kids already there didn't care because they were kids. The adults, however ... It wasn't long before we had the entire playground to ourselves. My kids didn't notice at first, of course, but on the way home they said, "That playground wasn't as fun as ours."

    • vveasey profile image

      The Medicine Man 

      5 years ago from Detroit,MI


      Insightful hub.

      You say "I often think if it weren't for parents, kids (my own included!) would turn out just fine."

      I think your kids will do just fine...but kids of bigoted, prejudiced and racist parents? That's a different story.

      Racism, bigotry, prejudice, sexism etc are taught, modeled and forced on kids by parents and adults who have those values in common.

      As in the story you shared, if you put little kids of all kinds together on a play ground they will be happy to play with one another until some parent infers and tells them not to play with another kid because they're not acceptable.

      and of course the kids don't care about that...they just want to play.

    • multiculturalsoul profile imageAUTHOR

      JJ Murray 

      5 years ago from Roanoke, Virginia

      Ralph has gone on to dog heaven. Lovie now tears around our back yard. I often think if it weren't for parents, kids (my own included!) would turn out just fine.

    • visionandfocus profile image


      5 years ago from North York, Canada

      Oh, and is that a photo of Ralph? He's adorable!

    • visionandfocus profile image


      5 years ago from North York, Canada

      You're absolutely right. Racism and prejudice are learned and past down the generations. It's all to do with ignorance. So many children get brainwashed by their parents before school age. I wonder how the school system can overcome this when some parents are the ones who should be educated.

    • multiculturalsoul profile imageAUTHOR

      JJ Murray 

      5 years ago from Roanoke, Virginia

      I fully agree. "Mixing up" is better than being "mixed up."

    • NornsMercy profile image


      5 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      This hub is beautiful. Being a "hybrid" mix myself, I know how tough it is to have two different kind of parents and be a mix of cultures in The South (yeehaw!). I hope everything keeps mixing up and people learn to accept each other no matter what! :)


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