Romney Admits to Hating Animals, Jews, Babies and the Earth

Well Democrats out there already knew Romney was the most evil demon to ever spew forth from the lowest levels of Hell, but new levels of his villainy surfaced the other day, that even I, closet Republican that I am, did not realize.

Having been reduced to getting my news from a broad collection of news sources across various platforms and even from a variety of non-US sources as perspective for a while, I realized I had fallen out of touch with the politics of my nation. Too much reading and study of issues in their complexity has prevented me from recognizing the simple inductive approach to learning about candidates that is now in vogue with the voting masses. Being a quick study, however, I soon learned how to do it, and then applied it to Romney to see if I could finally vote for my party again (having been unable to do so last time given how bad the ticket was). I cannot tell you how shocked I was to discover what I did about Romney by using these new fact creation techniques.

First, I learned that I only need one source of information (wow, does that cut down on all that darned reading time, whew!), so I clicked on the first article I could find. This one. Holy cow, it’s all right there. That is all I needed to know. That’s when I realized Romney is just the singularly biggest hater in the history of all mankind. He literally hates everything, and it was all so completely right there in your face. You don’t even have to read the article to see it. The picture—which we all know speaks a thousand words—has it all right there for you. You just have to do the thought work in keeping with contemporary approach to political dialogue.

So there it is, Romney shamelessly holding up that bag of barbecue. What a douche. There’s a dead animal inside that bag. He’s holding up the hacked up remains of a living creature and is just as happy as he can be about it. He’s an animal hater in the worst way.

And worse than that, he’s a Jew hater too. The dead animal parts in that bag are pork. PORK! Everyone knows that the Jewish people don’t eat pork. It’s not kosher. And yet there’s Romney, trying to be the representative of all the United States, in which there are lots and lots of Jewish people, and yet, Romney gonna have him a big old pork sandwich. He might as well just go urinate on that wall in Jerusalem or something. It’s disgusting to watch him be so disrespectful.

And if Romney urinating on the Wailing Wall is not enough of a heinous act for him to have committed, this photograph proves how much he truly hates the environment as well. First off, pigs, like cows, pass gas. They produce methane which, as seemingly everyone will tell you, is the singular biggest cause of green house problems. He’s promoting the raising of animals with the explicit intent of destroying the Earth through methane.

Then, add on top of that, the meal is in a plastic bag. So, he might as well just go strangle some dolphins and poison a salmon breeding pool somewhere right now. And when he’s done with that, his bag can go not degrade for a thousand years, but even as it does, it will be slowly leeching toxins into the soil poisoning crops, and worse, into the aquifer which will eventually be imbibed by innocent people, mutating their gamete cells and make them have deformed babies. I mean, HOLY CRAP! What kind of an evil monster is actively working to make people have mutant babies?

So, there you have it. It’s perfectly clear now. Romney is an animal murdering, Jew hating, wall peeing, fish poisoning, dolphin strangulating, baby mutater who wants nothing less than the total destruction of the planet!

Clearly I cannot vote for such unmitigated evil now that I have seen the indisputable, undeniable evidence of it with my own two eyes. And now you have too. You have no need to investigate both candidates with any kind of careful eye for real truth, nuance, or even just simple context of anything you read. This article, that photograph, are all you need.

Which means, I guess I’m voting for Obama. I suppose that’s just as well though. Obama is like an angel. I heard he was seen at a barbecue the other day having a steak sandwich. When called out on that—a right-thinking American questioning Obama's potential animal hatred as evidenced by the deed—Obama was quick to point out that he actually loves animals, including cows, but, sadly, the cow was killing the grass in a field, so, it had to be put down before it destroyed all that important vegetation that helps process green house gasses out of the atmosphere. He was sad to think about it, but, he was willing to eat the steak sandwich so that the creature’s sacrifice was not in vain. What a noble gesture. Obama loves everything so much he is even willing to save blades of grass.

I’m just glad that this election is going to be so cut and dry. I mean, we have Satan’s twin brother, Romney, and the planet's angelic salvation, Obama. And thank god for Internet forums and Facebook one-liners to keep it all simple and broken down so reasonably and intelligently. Otherwise, I would have been stuck reading and thinking, like, totally wasting time on my one measly vote.

This hub was inspired by the flagrant deceit and contempt for truth behind titling a video (shown below) or starting a forum thread like this thread that not only write blatant lies as headlines, but then seem to not even care that the "evidence" they present doesn't prove the claim.

Those who read my stuff regularly know that I am rarely political, because in mainly nauseates me, but sometimes I just have to say something. Like now. America will continue to suffer as long as both "sides" continue to put no more effort into their politics than the treatment this video got, which is all I see now given the nature of Facebook one-liners slapped out of context onto photographs and stuff like this video. If someone wants to complain about Chinese policy, or American policy towards China, great. Do it. But to pretend this video is Romney "ADMITTING" to some drivel is to begin the conversation with a lie, and then to run with it as if it were truth is to endorse deceit when we should be actually trying to solve problems. That is the cancer of American politics right now. I realize politics has always had this, but politics never had Facebook and YouTube like we do now. Everyone yelling, nobody thinking. The absence of truth, and, worse, the absence of any desire for it.