My Roommate on Bums and Illegitimate Bums

The illegitimate bum...I want to make this term crystal clear. I am not talking about the "legit bum" who is down on their luck, has nowhere else to go. I'm not talking about the guy who stands by your local McDonalds and is in desperate need of money. No, I'm talking about the 'illegitimate bum' who in most cases are dressed better than you and appears to have all the same advantages in life as everyone else.

You know, the 'supposed' bum who projects themselves on you aggressively and without submission...where it feels as though you are being robbed point blank without the gun so to speak.

They are con-artists and loafers or (my new term) illegitimate bums. I'm sure everyone has run into this particular situation. It's usually at a gas station, late at night, and the bum walks up to you and asks you for some money. They usually come at you with a sob story about how their car broke down and they need 10 bucks in order to repair it. (All I want to know is, who the hell is this mechanic that only charges 10 bucks!).

In all actuality, you don't know their situation, and you really don't care if the illegitimate bum insists that they are not bums. Personally, I hate this particular circumstance because the hassler puts you in a predicament. I mean, let's face it, who really wants to hand over their money, especially when you have to pay 50-70 bucks to fill up your gas tank? However, if you turn them down, there's always that little piece inside of you who fills guilty for not handing over a couple bucks to the guy. I mean, for crying out loud, their car is broke down!

My roommate (who will remain anonymous for the sake of privacy) ran into this particular problem yesterday. Let me go on the record and say, I think my roommate is a good guy, but some of his ideologies may seem a little bizarre and this particular situation is no exception.

So, anyway, it's a typical day, he just got off of his night shift job at 11:00 p.m. He decides to go to Subway for a bite to eat. As he approaches the counter, an illegitimate bum walks into the establishment with a handful of bundled up flowers, and proceeds to ask everyone to buy a flower from him...2 bucks. He is pushy, demanding, and not all civilized about it.

Now, my roommate hates con-artists, scammers, and illegitimate bums. He despises the whole situation and thinks they are scum, losers, and pathetic. In his opinion, everyone should be able to do whatever he or she wants until his or her problems or attitudes affect the lives of others. So, the con-artist approaches him, in the same abrupt manner as he did with everyone else in the restaurant, and my roommate caves and hands him the two dollars. He looks at him and says, "Now, get the F... out of here."

Afterwards, my roommate was steamed and outraged, and told me the whole story. Then, he went into one of his rants that I always find hilarious and entertaining.

He goes on to say, "I think I know how to solve all of this. You kneecap the pricks! Whenever a con-artist rushes up on you and asks for some money, get a bat and slam it into their kneecaps. Make it a nationwide system and call them the kneecappers!"

Of course, I couldn't help but laugh and he continued. "I'm being serious! Get a bumpersticker that says 'Capbusters' and slap it on the windshield. I guarantee after these guys catch word that their kneecaps will get blasted if they harass people, they will stop...believe me. You see, if you kneecap them, then it would give them a legitimate excuse.to ask for money. So, I would kneecap them and then give them money."

Haha...Now, I think his solution to the problem was hilarious. On a serious note, I would agree that there should be something in place to fix this horrible situation. A civilized nation should not have to deal with such ridiculous schemes and con artists. And that's precisely what it is, by the way, illegitimate bums are con artists. They try to make you feel sorry them in order to receive money that they did not earn. It needs to stop. I don't know if kneecapping is the answer, but something needs to be done.

What do you think?