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Satire -- Putin Assassinated: Muscovites Strangely Blase

Updated on June 14, 2015
Vladimir Putin
Vladimir Putin

While most of the world remains in a state of shock after the
assassination of Russian president Vladimir Putin, our correspondents
in Moscow were even more stunned by the blase temperament of average
Muscovites. During random interviews of Muscovites, our
correspondents were surprised by their nonchalance.

No one wanted to go on record with their full names but nevertheless
were quite willing to discuss their feelings on the matter.

Our Taxi Driver with a Paying Customer
Our Taxi Driver with a Paying Customer

A taxi driver who we can only refer to as Dimitri had this to say. "I
not surprised that this terrible thing happened. We all knew it was
possibility. Putin became too important. His position on Ukraine and
fearless stand against the West was bound to put him into trouble.
This is what happens when someone becomes too popular and powerful."

CIA in Langley.
CIA in Langley.

"This was all set up by American CIA," said Sasha, a computer
technician. It is all obvious. You only have to look at the
similarities between Putin's assassination and those of John Kennedy
and his brother Robert. We find ourselves with a lone gunman -- an
obscure Palestinian. Why would a Palestinian shoot Robert Kennedy?
Why shoot Putin? It never made sense. Yet, here we are again -- no
motive at all. The supposed killer is taken into custody and in front
of dozens of cameras proclaims that he is just a patsy. Sounds
familiar, no? Then the next day a guy shoots the assassin -- someone
who claims to be a super-patriot -- even though he has this background
in strip clubs and association with several crime bosses. It's
outrageous and too obvious. It is just history repeating itself."

The Kremlin
The Kremlin

Natasha expressed a similar view. "We do not hate Americans but we
hate American government that feels it can do whatever and wherever.
Putin was best president we had, and now he's gone. I doubt we will
ever get the real story, but it doesn't matter. The shooter himself
-- if he was really involved -- is also dead, so we will get nothing
from him, but the whole set-up looks fake to me. I'm upset but not so
much. Russia is strong and will survive this disgusting tragedy."

Snow?  No Problem
Snow? No Problem

From Tatiana, a secretary, our correspondents recorded this: "I am
sad about this mess. Putin was not perfect but he loved animals and
seemed to have real heart. As a nation we suffer, but politics have
always been dangerous in our country -- as in yours. Maybe he stayed
too long as president, I don't know. But, he did not deserve to be
shot down like some wild creature."

On a More Sunny Day
On a More Sunny Day

Our coverage will continue to follow any developments -- particularly
reactions within Russia. Most of the people with whom we spoke
felt that the assassination was a CIA-backed plot. Naturally, this
will put even more constraints in US/Russia agreements/negotiations.

Russian Rocket Launch
Russian Rocket Launch

The only good news we picked up is that NASA and the Russian
Federation Space Agency are not canceling their agreements. The head
of the Russian space agency announced that all pre-scheduled trips to
the International Space Station would proceed on schedule. He
commented, "Fortunately or unfortunately we are still open to Western
dollars to support our space launches. We stand by our contract with
Sarah Brightman who will be the next celebrity to be given a seat for
a launch sometime in 2016.

Sarah Brightman
Sarah Brightman


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