Saying so Much Without Speaking one Word

that millions, maybe a billion or two dollars are spent each year by individuals in our country and maybe abroad who just simply want to be accepted and appreciated by their fellow human beings. These misfit human beings will go to almost any length to improve their looks, speech, wardrobe, home, car and genealogical origins. Why? Because like all human beings, they need love and acceptance.

The same, sad, pitiful people who are not slobs, bums, or lazy individuals, no. They are some of America's best patriots, hardest-working, honest and prosperous people. But they somehow need to get themselves on the (written) or spoken invitation list to some of the swankiest, high-class, upper crust cocktail parties ever to be held underneath a luxurious mansion's hand-designed roof.

But as soon as these poor emotionally-starved people step inside these high-society parties, something goes awry. Although, and this is so sad, they have put their very heart into being just a part of the inner-circle of their equally-snooty friends, they somehow fail and either go home by their own accord or the host or hostess will whisper to their butler to verbally persuade them to please go quietly out the same door that they entered by and get back home.

do these good-hearted, prosperous, and caring people get invited to leave such glowing parties? It is not only simple, but a sad answer to deal with. They only use the one part of their body that always gets them into embarrassing encounters with their stiff-lipped colleagues and laughed at by women with fancy gloved hands held over their mouths and their husbands trying to contain their barbaric, horse laughing only heard in their old haunts: seedy, smoke-laden bar rooms of lower Manhattan.

If only these people would use the free advice that I am sharing in this piece on how to just use their heads (not their mouths) to gain the valuable acceptance and love that they crave.

1. start out slowly with this body part helping you to be loved, accepted and admired by those rich and powerful people in your social circle. Listen intently to whomever is bragging about their latest monetary gain or conquest and at the end of his story, just snap your finger and say, "man, what a move you put on that loser!" and the speaker's ego will instantly inflate as the wealthy speaker's head from your instant hero worship.
2. When standing with a group of your high-class, wealthy, intellectual friends, make it your business to not say much to anyone. But instead use your eyes to make direct contact with the person speaking and as you hear the words he or she is saying, move your eyebrows upward to show surprise or amazement instead of saying, "gosh,"or "imagine that."
3. When you are seated or standing with your high-class, wealthy, powerful, and yes, highly-intellectual friends, you may still use your eyebrows at times to show these important people that you are aware and in much awe of their station in life--which overlooks and looks down on the less intelligent or less popular. But now your head comes into play. Just keep in mind that this saying which I have just written, "a nod goes a lot further than a lot of yakking," and nod your head slowly at various intervals to make your important friends feel all the more important.
4. If you grow weary of not speaking although you know plenty about the subject that your high-class friends are talking about, you can use your right or left eye and give your head and eyebrows a rest. How? Glad that you asked. Let's say that a "G. George D. Silverloins," a close friend of yours, who owns five banks, three yachts, and enough stock to choke a herd of camels, is talking about how he commands respect from his fourth wife. All you have to do is wink at the man closest to you. "George" will think he is still the "stud of the stable" when he sees your wink and things will go smoothly.
5. Now you are getting the hang of this non-speaking at high-society parties. But look out! Now is your chance to use your hands while listening to others brag about themselves. How can you make just as good of an impression by using your hands? Read and commit this to memory, my friends. When a 'John T. Billycash," CEO of three big companies on a world-wide scale, is talking about another sexual conquest even at his seasoned age of 73, you bring out your hands when he finishes his story to gesture, "can you believe this animal," to the other guys in the circle whom you beat in doing this gesture.
6. When you are now growing closer to your hifalutin friends, you are now ready to use your hand (right or left) and your chin, a new member to the "body language" repatwa. This may be the easiest and best method to speak volumes without opening your mouth. A "Mr. J. Jessie Smooth," a retired oil company owner with 30 oil wells is talking about how a new invention he is using on his drills is helping him get an extra 500 barrels of crude oil per hour. You simply let your chin rest in your left or right hand and to completely snow him under, you nod occasionally. "Mr. J. Jessie" is really taking a shine to you.
7. Are you ready for this one? Get ready for your socially-eager feelings to be elevated. This move requires you to use not only your left or right hand holding your chin and nodding occasionally, but when a "Mr. B. Bucky Buck," a gold mine owner whose net worth is an estimated 56 billion bucks, tells a tale about how he single handedly put a competing gold mine owner to shame with a hostile take-over, you start winking at him while you rest your chin in your left or right hand. Man, you are going to have some of the richest, most powerful, influential people on earth as your buddies.
8. This is my final piece of priceless social advice. You are listening to a "D.D. Ragstariches," a friend from when you made your first million, tell of his latest (and most lucractive) restaurant chain that he has opened, you can shift into high gear and when he gets to the pay-off of the story, you quickly and sharply slap your right or left thigh, wink at the other guys in his circle and throw in your hands up in the old tried and true, "can you believe this guy," stance. Oh, now there is no doubt. You are now as loved and accepted as any of your rich, powerful friends.
9. Now that you are familiar with using your eyes to speak amazement to your "fat cat" cronnies, this one will blow your mind from hear to Canada. I like to call it "The Gaze" and it is easy to do. Focus intently on your friend (who is rich as King Solomon) who is sharing how he conquered a hostile take-over in his corporation today and you simply gaze at him with your eyes not blinking. Now some may take this gesture as one who is a lunatic, but not so. This intent gaze will get you into places in high society that no amount of credit or cash would buy for you.
10. I did not to lie, but this is the final piece of social help that I am proud to give you. This move is when you are using all of your bodily movements but your voice to show these upper crusties just how you adore them. Use this move only when you are walking away from a circle of rich, powerful friends. NOTE: Know when you move to another group of people Never over-stay your welcome. The speaker, "Joe G. Deep Pockets," has been rambling on about his illustrious war stories where he saved the lives of his 13 squad members by himself. When he reaches the end of the story, wink at the rest of the guys, slap your thigh, give him the "can you believe this guy" movement and as you walk away hold your arm straight while pointing at him. No other gesture could bring you any closer to your poweful friends.
11. Closing Shot: I cannot in good conscience, leave you with tips that only serve as help to you in achieving a higher position with your wealthy, intelligent and falsetto friends. I am not a hypocrite. The most dangerous part of your body that I am strongly advising you NOT to use in any of your interactions with your wealthy friends is your butt. That's right, your butt. Only party people a few rungs below you and your friends shake or wag their butts in their primal dancing rituals. But with you, this is "social suicide.' To your rich friends, any gesture using your butt may be construed as you telling them to kiss this part of your body and instantly offend them sending you into a lonely, oblivious state of outcast.

I hope that when you execute these priceless social tips that you please remember me and the "little people" on whose shoulders you are now standing.

Good night, Conway, Arkansas.