Second chance for sex offenders
Some basics often not told by media
I never had much to do with this topic, until now and the more I learn the more I want to share with the public. No I am not afraid of the reaction, I am in hope that it makes some people think again and get a bit more educated instead of following the media and the hype, the wrongful judgement and if I reach just a few, it was worth it.
First of all I agree with everyone, that sex offense is a terrible wrong doing. No doubt and I also agree with punishment, but I strongly disagree with the American justice and how society reacts and even makes it worse and does their own share to create these problems.
There are very different kind of sexual offenses, definitely not just offense towards children. There are juvenile offenses, there are offenses towards adults, offenses of exposure etc...you name it. But unfortunately, what comes to everybody's mind is sexual offense towards children which could not be any further from the truth. Not every sex offender is any danger for your child, many of them have their own children, love them to death and would never ever harm a child as a matter of fact.
When someone is found guilty of sex offense, they can get up to a lifetime sentence, same as for killing someone. I find this shocking, because killing someone is far beyond. Even more strange is the fact that a murderer who gets set free will not be on any public registry, no flyers will be send out to the neighborhood to be warned like it is done with sex offenders. Nobody will know of his crime and he can live right next door but everybody can point the finger at a sex offender, because the entire neighborhood is being informed.
Let's now look at some facts that the media never brings to light and often does not present the true facts. The re-offense rate of sex offenders is the lowest of all criminals! Yet, they are treated like they could do it again the very next day. The rate of re-offense is so low, that it is ironic why there is such a drama. Sex offenders are monitored in many ways, have to report monthly or even in shorter terms with their PO officer. They can't be out from 10PM to 6AM every night.....it is all monitored, every move is monitored.
The sex offender registry
Many parents want to protect their children from sex offenders and understandable don't ever want anything to happen to them. Unfortunately, pointing with their fingers at the sex offender who lives 3 houses down the street doesn't do any good at all. The fact is that most sex offenders who attack children come from within the family or close friends - not the "bad" neighbor. So rather watch out within your circle rather than pointing out the neighbor is a far better protection. I have seriously no clue why parents want to use a sex offender registry to protect their children.
The public registry.....no good, of no help in any way. This list is more of a hype than anything else, an offense against the sex offender, from my point of view. And most of all, does not work or help. If a sex offender truly wants to offend again, which is so rare.....he can go anywhere in his county and offend. It does not have to be around the corner in his neighborhood.
Many sex offenders get out of prison and have no place to go...end up living homeless, not even listed or registered anywhere. The reason: nobody wants to give them a home and this puts the community actually into more risk, because they don't know their whereabouts, if one of them really wants to re-offend, which is very unlikely.
But they live out on the streets and can't find their way back into society, because society shuns them so badly, instead of giving them a second chance and to make it right. They can't find work and keep on depending on welfare etc. In the end they feel so low and worthless....that they end up not caring at all and do another crime....but very surely not even sex offense, but no matter what kind of offense....it will get them back into prison for life. Prison costs society a lot of money, so those who shun them, bring them back there and we pay the price.
One more fact, only a fraction of sex offenders are being caught....I read (unfortunately I can't find the source but will add if I do find it, as a link) that only about 20% are being caught!!! Many sex abuses are never being reported for all kind of reasons. And I include myself - I have been nearly raped and I have been "temporarily" kidnapped as a teenager, but I never told anyone. There are too many different reasons why someone would not report it and I don't want to go into detail about it. The only person I shared it with is my boyfriend, a registered sex offender....
One last thing...please come forward, if you know of a case, where the registry truly prevented anything. Have you heard of anything ever? I am sure the media would bring it out clearly to support the registry...yet, it hasn't happened, yet....
How we truly can help and make things better
All that the sex offender wants...is a second chance and to show that they are still humans and willing to make it better. They lost everything when they were put into prison and have to start from scratch...after 15 yrs or more most of the time.....integrate into society again and struggling at all ends, because of all the barriers. They paid for their action and we are not to punish more, the price has been paid. Why keep on punishing? Do you want to be punished for something you already have been punished for?
We need to learn that even sex offenders need a second chance and when we give it to them, you will be surprised what a wonderful person you might find behind them. They are humans who made a terrible mistake and regret deeply what they have done, most of them. Most of them are not mentally sick, many are not offenders of children. Listen to their stories, how they ended up with the offense, before you judge them. Many times it lies within the families, who did not talk about sex and they feel like something is wrong with them but just can't talk about it and feel trapped, sometimes they feel dirty and unworthy about their thoughts, while they are not even aware that there is nothing wrong.....
This society needs to learn to talk more open about sex in order to create less sex offenders, families need to open up to it with their growing teenagers, so that they will be able to share their feelings and thoughts. And when they are raised with open communication, the chances that they will not tolerate any sexual inappropriate behavior from family or friends and know about it, they are safer. Thinking about sex is a natural thing for every human being and the way we think is usually nothing to be ashamed of.
Now a very critical question: What would you do if your own child or a family member gets caught in a sex offense? Would you stand by that person? Or would you turn away? It can happen to anyone of us.All the families of the sex offenders never think it would be one within their family....until it happens. And it is devastating to the family....but you also know what a great person is behind this one who just committed such an awful crime....Now what?
I am guilty myself, I used to shun everybody who had any kind of criminal history. But I was taught a big lesson and I am thankful for it. I learned that behind every criminal is a human being, and sometimes wonderful human beings and we have to learn to separate their crime and their personality. Their crime does not define who they are.Don't follow the media blindly, get the facts and truth behind sex offenders before you keep on judging.
They deserve a second chance and when we give it to them, you will be surprised what you will get back in return. So, all I ask you....don't judge the way I used to judge, because you might miss out on a wonderful person you would be looking for all your life, but you are too blind to see and open your heart, to forgive and to give a second chance to someone who deserves it.
Now my personal story
I have met a sex offender and did fall in love with him. He is the best man I have ever met in my entire life and there is not a single day that goes by that I am in awe about how wonderful he is.
He told me very early on about his past, he shared it with me face to face, not hiding behind email or chat. Did I have my own thoughts? You bet, yes it took me a few days and sleepless nights and he knows. But I saw beyond his past and the more I gave him a chance the more distant his past is to me. His past does not define him in any way, he regrets deeply what he did, he told me what he did, he told me how it all happened, he shared everything with me.
I used to stay clear of anyone who has been in prison, I had to work with some who were in prison and at first I had a funny feeling, because I have very high ethics and morals, but it was my first experience. I wasn't sure about this person, there was not a 100% trust....
When I met my boyfriend, he flipped everything upside down what I learned and knew about people from prison. He turned my entire life upside down and I don't regret it for a second. I have chosen a life with him and I know it will be rough - but I know with all my heart he is worth it and I would put my own life down the line for him. I know I could never find a better person than him.
I told all my close friends about him and his past, I did not want to hide, because I feel sure about him and I stand behind him for who he is. He paid his price and I don't have the right to judge and punish. I hope that I can put all the worries and fears of my friends to rest by showing what he does to me, how good life has become with him and so far it seems to go that way. My friends are happy for me and for him.
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