Sexual violence

We are all aware of men raping women, making unwelcome sexual advances, grabbing, groping, fondling, kissing and forced intercourse against the will of the victim. All too often, the victims of such activity are victimized again by the police and courts, doubly insulting and humiliating them. There is also a more hidden side of rape, that of women who sexually assault men. The protocol is different by method, but the end result is the same; the shaming of the victimized. Men have the additional problem that they are not supposed to be beaten into submission by the little woman. It is an insult to his masculinity. Tactics used by women differ from those of men, but the end result of sexual assault is still rape. In some ways, a man being raped is in a worse position than a woman being raped, which is bad enough, In many areas of the world today, sexual assault no matter how it is mediated, is illegal and an indictable offence punishable by imprisonment upon successful conviction. But here is the rub; getting a successful conviction with proof of a crime is next to impossible. Thus, many victims remain as victims and the perpetrators go free to do it again. Then there is the endless circuit of bureaucracy that frustrates many into giving up getting justice. According to statistics for 2009 and 2010, rape of all kinds of men against women have gone up from 10 to 70 percent depending on the act and how it is done.

Men tend, but not always; to be blunt, forceful and physical in their sexual assaults. They will sometimes use things like date rape drugs introduced into drinks at parties and bars. Women on the other hand tend to use trickery and entrapment. They will throw themselves at the man they want to have sex with, demonstrating her availability obviously. This often works, because the sexual drive of a young man is constant, whereas that of a woman is periodic. If frustrated, she will viciously turn the tables and the rapist turns into victim and turns the victim into the rapist. We have all seen it acted out. The woman tries to engage the man in sexual activity and when he refuses, she screams rape and turns the tables. In such cases, she might even get a conviction upon the victim for a crime perpetrated by herself as a rapist. These are the complications and vagaries of justice in this arena. Women will often go to great lengths and over extended periods to get the man she wants. In some cases, this ends up in marriage with a willing partner. More often, in others, the hapless male ends up in a prolonged nightmare of harassment. If he is coupled with a partner, she or he is also victimized. The woman in question sometimes involves the family of the man and often interferes through other means such as involving employers, landlords and financial institutions. This can cause the victim no end of problems on a wide front of several things going on all at once. All the time, no one is aware it is the result of a woman scorned who has decided to accuse him of a crime she is guilty of. The statement “No means no” should equally apply to the man being raped as to a woman in that predicament.

A man attempting to get others to believe he is a victim of sexual assault is a challenge in this patriarchal world. If it were a gay assault, this apparently is easier to accept, despite the at large anti-gay attitude that still prevails in society. A woman sexually assaulting a man seems out of place and that is the key word; seems. A woman who is interested in a particular man will do almost anything up to and including shooting the man she is spurned by. She will be persistent and the stalking can go on for many years. Should he be involved in another relationship, she will use just about any device conceivable in order to destroy the relationship and separate them so she can have access to the object of her affections. It takes a strong relationship to withstand this kind of assault, especially if it goes on year after year. She will set up scenarios and meetings to suggest that cheating is going on that would cause some partners to wither in anger and disgust and leave via a painful and expensive divorce. How many divorces result from such an encounter is almost completely unknown. She might even hire a gumshoe to strengthen the message with appropriate photographs. This serves as a type of blackmail where she drives a wedge into a relationship in a bid to get an unwilling partner to give up and conjoin with her instead.

The man who becomes aware of the source of this kind of harassment, may try to do what he can to end it discreetly. Failing that, he might attempt to get some kind of council and legal involvement and find that resources are far and few between. The fear of ridicule by peers and emasculation at the hands of a persistent female stalker seeking to have sexual relations with an unwilling man is often enough to enforce a resigned and quiet suffering. Some cases have even driven the hapless victim to attempt suicide, where the harassment was particularly heavy handed. These scenarios are the stuff of lurid movies and film noire themes, but they are based on solid truth from many experiences.

Gay people also suffer from harassment as societies around the world are willing to go to any lengths to set their course straight. Though not rape as defined as forced sex with an unwilling partner, non-the-less, this anti-sex attitude is a kind of reverse rape to coin a term. Society collectively tries to redirect who a person associates with by way of a willing and consenting two way relationship by denying the validity of a gay consensual partnership. Instead, the gay person may be forced into a straight relationship, which can be defined as a socially condoned and enforced rape. This may be one reason why we are slow to respond to genuine rape victims and allow the perpetrators to continue. It may also explain the sharp rise in cases of all types over the last few years. There is the economic factor and many people can no longer afford to go “on the make” with a selected partner and thus find themselves doing things they would otherwise not consider.

Are women capable of such things? Recently, we have seen women in power, such as Margaret Thatcher who was as much a war hawk and union buster as any male counterpart in power. We have seen local female politicians who are as cold hearted as their male counterparts. So when we see demonstrations against sexual violence against women, we must support this and go after the perpetrators instead of the victims. But let us remember that men suffer from forced situations, harassment, stalking and rape as surely as any woman. This too has to end if we are to have a humane world!