Build the Wall: Stop Illegal Immigration or Shoot Them?

Immigration is a huge problem in America. In fact, it's always been a problem in America. Ever since our country was founded, immigrants have been flocking to the United States in droves, trying to invade our country, destroy our way of life and costing taxpayers billions of dollars in subsidies, like food stamps and other forms of welfare. These immigrants come to this country and take our homes and our jobs and frequently pay our taxes. This must be stopped.

Now that President Obama has practically sent out evites to these immigrants with his ridiculous pro-immigrant policies and refuses to enforce current immigration laws, it's necessary for us to send armed men and women to our borders to prevent these people from crossing them. We cannot afford to have them in our country and if that means shooting them, so be it.

In fact, 100% of all immigrants agree that, had they been shot or even if they had just had to dodge a bullet, it would have been a lot harder to cross the border and would have served as a significant deterrent. No matter what the cost, we must protect our borders. This is a form of war.

Remember, America is the chosen land and Americans are a chosen people. Our nation is being overrun by immigrants. If God had wanted them to be in America, they would have been born in America. We simply cannot afford to have these immigrants streaming across our borders. It will costs us millions and billions of dollars to support them. Thus, we should spend millions, perhaps even billions of dollars to stop them from entering the US. God wants us to protect what we have because he chose this nation as a shining example to other nations. If it is sullied, then it is no longer a shining example.

Shooting these immigrants isn't only the right thing to do, it's the humane thing to do. These people come from countries where life is truly miserable, so shooting them would be doing them a favor. They live in squalor. Their countries are drug-infested. Immigrants who are forced to return to these countries will live lives of terror, horror, and misery. They are ruled by gangs.

Shooting them is doing them a favor. Remember, if you're going to shoot one of these immigrants, aim to kill. Maiming them will only prolong their misery and it gives them hope, hope that one day they will heal and be able to try and cross our border again.

Children trying to cross our borders from places like Guatemala and Nicaragua and Honduras a whole bunch of other countries that sound foreign are like Islamic suicide bombers. Their parents might as well have strapped them with explosives and detonated them in the middle of the Indianapolis 500. That's what these immigrant children are going to do to our way of life if they're allowed to stay in our country. You'll probably have to sit next to one at the Indianapolis 500.

If you had a gun and saw a child trying to cross our border strapped with explosives around his or her body knowing that child was going to blow itself up along with a whole bunch of other people, wouldn't you put it out of its misery? Of course you would. It's like a horse with a bad leg.

Would God approve? Of course he would. Have you ever seen an immigrant child explode after being shot with a bazooka? It's like a fourth of July firework. It's totally cool. When entertainment and national security go hand-in-hand, everyone wins.

I fully realize that murdering an unarmed, immigrant child might seem like a heartless thing to do even though their lives will amount to nothing and you'll be doing them a favor.

However, if you're a good shot, there's nothing wrong with firing a few warning shots as long as you keep them from crossing the border. If they turn around and run back to their home country, then you've done your job.

Rubber bullets are another option. If a warning shot doesn't work, then load your weapon with rubber bullets and aim for the face. Nobody likes to get hit in the face with a rubber bullet. It hurts. Just ask a few of Dick Cheney's friends.

You can also offer them a GPS tracking device. Just cut a hole in an immigrant and insert the device and then you can track their movements and as long as they don't come back to the border, everything is good.

Finally, if none of these options work, aim for the fleshy part of the upper arm and try to nip them a little bit. This is important because you don't want to shoot an immigrant without killing them and have them lying their bleeding and requiring medical care because then they'll be brought across the border into the US where they'll be subjected to Obamacare and receive medical treatment and us taxpayers will have to pay for that too.

Immigrants don't feel pain like normal human beings. The parents of immigrant children don't love their children the same way that Americans do, otherwise, they wouldn't have sent them across the border to live in America by themselves. Most of these immigrants are dirty because they don't bathe. They also smell because they don't use deodorant. Their teeth are dirty because they don't brush.

Also, keep in mind that most of these immigrants do not speak English and since English is the official language of the United States, they cannot be official citizens. Do we really want more people who don't speak English in our country. I can barely get my cleaning lady to say "thank you" instead of "gracias".

What will happen to them if we let them stay? They'll be brutalized in our system of social welfare and learn that those who don't produce get to live off the generosity of others. This will lead to unproductive lives at the taxpayers expense. The immigrant children will be bounced around from orphanage to orphanage and foster home to foster home. Their lives will be miserable, with only the hope of becoming a contributing American citizen to drive them. And, they'll probably end up voting Democrat. It's true! Most of the people who suck up welfare vote for Democrats. Then they'll vote to change our immigration policies to make it easier for people just like them to enter the United States. It's truly a vicious circle.

Let's remember what's written on the Statue of Liberty:

“Give me your hired, and more, Keep your muddled asses yearning to eat for free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost back to where they came, I lift my rifle beside the golden door, ready to fire!”

If an immigrant comes to our shores, he must have skills and be ready to work, not somebody who just wants to eat for free. If that immigrant is wretched, he needs to go back to where he came from and if they refuse to go, then I lift my gun and enforce this motto the only way I can.

That's satire spelled backward. I don't often provide disclaimers with my satire. However, I'm going to make an exception here because I've found that no matter how obvious I think a joke might be, there are an increasingly alarming number of stupid people on this planet who wouldn't know sarcasm if it came up and slapped them in the face, which is technically impossible because sarcasm isn't like a person who can slap.

Anyway, if you've come to the end of this article and are now actually thinking of running down to the border with your gun to shoot yourself a few immigrants, you might want to check to see if you have any humanity left or if you're just a mass murderer in sheep's clothing.

Believe it or not, the immigration problem is pretty complex. It's going to take a comprehensive policy to solve it. Our country probably can't afford to let everyone in, but it can't keep everyone out either.