TKO Surprise - A Hub About Tolerance and Acceptance
Live and Let Live
Live and let live is my motto! If my neighbor enjoys mowing the lawn at 3 am in his/her underwear, I don't care. If they like to leave broken down trash heaps in their yard, oh well, it's not my house.
Unless, of course, my neighbor is committing a terrible act. IE: harming anyone or anything, then I may alert the proper authorities, but I will not hate my neighbor due to his.her transgression. I won't make decisions about who they are, or what their motives are.
Our Likes and Dislikes
Studies have proven that by age 3 children have picked up on biases, stereotypes and racial prejudice without understanding their meaning. As children grow up they form attachments to their own group, thus enforcing their racial attitudes.
"People will embrace anecdotes that reinforce their biases, but disregard experience that contradicts them. The statement "Some of my best friends are _____" captures this tendency to allow some exceptions without changing our bias." (http://www.tolerance.org/Hidden-bias)
Harvard psychologists and psychologists at the, Universities of Virginia and Washington developed Implicit Association Tests, or IAT's. These tests measure an individuals unconscious, and automatic, bias. What about you? Are you biased? Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. This test will reveal what you're really thinking. Try it here. (This can be accessed as a Guest.).
I Won't Judge You
In the summer of 2014 I was involved in a fight. I didn't want to be in the fight. I didn't start the fight. I don't know why there even was a fight in the first place!
Is this where society is? Fighting, arguing, nosing into someone else's business, providing unwanted advice, etc. Negativity is abounding all around us. Why does one person feel that their idea, method, sanctuary, yard, whatever, is better than someone else's, or should be preferred, or used, or attended, over someone else's?
I can absolutely say that I honestly, in the depths of my soul, do not watch my neighbor and make decisions about them or what they are doing.
If harm comes to my neighbor, I will offer first aide. If my neighbor needs help, I will lend a hand. If they're hungry, I'll feed them (Jack knows that! Hi Jack.)
If they need first aide, I will provide it the best I can whether his/her skin is the color of blue, purple, white, magenta, green, brown, mottled, etc., it does not matter. I just don't care. I have no inclination to judge you.
When I lend that neighbor a hand bringing them the newspaper, picking up their mail or fixing their tv cable, I absolutely respect their privacy. I am honored to be trusted to lend a hand. I won't break that trust and peek into their business.
If they are hungry, I won't count how many kids they have before I decide to send over food. I won't look at it as an opportunity to lecture them about their life choices that may have caused them to be in need. Who am I to judge? Everyone needs help sometime in their life, EVERYONE, so don't judge.
I do not understand the conviction so many people can muster up and harbor for negativity, or opinions they have generated about someone.
Teach - to cause to know something.
Forego - to abstain; to refrain
Live and Let Live - to tolerate the opinions and behaviors of others , so they will similarly tolerate your own.
Race - groups of people
Hamza - a person who is brave, strong, has the heart of a lion. Neutral - not helping either side. Tantric - Sanskrit word meaning "woven together". Efficacy - the ability to produce a desired or intended result.
I Had No Idea
I have a huge pasture next to my home. When the grass is long I let my kids take our horses over to graze while they sit and read a book. No harm done, right?
One day one of the horses escaped their paddock. It was in my other neighbors yard. My kids retrieved her and went back with a scooper to pick up the mess the horse left. Without preamble, said neighbor came rushing out of her house and up to my driveway. She started screaming (yes, screaming) that she hates horses and who do I think I am letting my horses graze on the property over there and I act like I own the place or something. She was almost hysterical. I scooted my kids into the house and closed the door.
Why would she think it's her place to stand up for property that isn't hers, mine, or anyone's that cares? What made her nose into my business, especially in a negative fashion? What harm was it doing to her? Or to anyone for that matter? And what did I ever say, or do, to make her think that I thought I owned the land? I didn't build anything on it. I never told anyone I owned it.
Apparently, all those times my kids took our horses to graze in the vacant lot, she was steaming mad and throwing a fit about it to her husband? The anger, and resentment she has been going through all that time did nothing for anyone. It only upset her, and probably the people she lives with because I had no idea she had an issue with it.
I wonder how she feels about kittens and puppies if she hates horses so much?
When I moved into a home one of the neighbors came over to see what was going on. I told her we were moving in. This neighbor decided to tell me about the previous tenants that had recently moved out. She advised me that they were drug addicts and I should beware that they don't come back and steal my stuff. When I inquired how she knew they were drug addicts she told me, "Once, I saw the man up at three a.m. in the yard doing something, that's how I know." That's how she knows? I am always careful not to be outside after 9 pm for fear she'll believe me to be a drug addict and tell everyone! I never knew such a simple act of being outdoors at night was a way to determine addiction.
Waiting for Me
My Best Buddy
I have a little Chihuahua. She's one of those dogs that fits you just perfect. From day one, when I rescued her, from the trunk of a car, we were best friends. I feel like she was so thankful that I took her out of that trunk that she was going to stick to me like glue so she'd never lose me.
Her devotion and sweet behavior gained attention from everyone that met her. When I walk anywhere, she is at my heel all the way! People stop to pet her and she stands nicely or wiggles up to them to lick their nose. On more than one occasion I've been looking for her, calling her name at the top of my lungs, when one of my kids points to my feet. When I look down, there she is, wiggling and dancing around, she'd been at my heel the whole time I was calling for her. It took a long time for me to get used to her devotion. But it didn't take long for me to feel the same way about her as she felt for me. Everywhere I went, my buddy went too.
Cocoa, Wifi and My Best Buddy
One summer evening my 12 yr old son and I drove down to the local Common Grounds to have some cocoa and surf the web. Of course my buddy was one of the first ones to the car! It was such a beautiful day, turning into a beautiful evening, I left the top down on the car.
I parked in a spot that wouldn't be near other cars, yet not too far away because my buddy likes to be able to see where I go. When we got out, as usual, my buddy jumped up on the top that was stowed in the back (see photo). This is her favorite place to sit while she waits for me. On several occasions I have come out of a store to find a complete stranger taking her picture standing there waiting for me. No one ever bothers her, they just want a picture of her and my buddy is always up for a photo shoot.
I Don't Feel Right About That Woman
My son and I entered Common Grounds and took a seat after ordering our cocoa's.
Our cocoa arrived and soon after an older woman came into the store, and walked over to my table. She asked me, "Is that your dog on the red convertible?" I answered, "Yes it is." She said, "Well, the dog is standing on the car looking for you." I said, "Oh, yeah, thanks. She always does that. Thank you, she's fine." The woman persisted with, "It's cold outside. She's going to get cold." I stopped what I was reading and looked up at her and said, "She's fine. We won't be long and it isn't cold at all. Thank you for your concern." Then I went back to reading and she left.
After a few minutes I told me son that I didn't feel right about that woman and I was going to go out and wait for him in the car with the dog. He said, "Ok, I'll be out in a few minutes." I collected my things, my computer and cup of cocoa and left the building.
When I was out the door, I looked over at my car, and to my surprise, the old woman, that had just spoke to me, was at my car and she had a large blanket in her hands. She was trying to grab my buddy with it!! There was another woman with her helping her as my dog was growling and trying to back away from the old woman, she was trying to push her towards her. I briskly walked to my car and told them to get away from my dog and my car!
The assistant dog-napper appeared to be around 35 yrs old, she was my height, 5'5", but a lot heavier than me. She must have weighed in at around 250 lbs compared to my 130 lbs. She stepped up to me as I approached my car. She blocked my progress to my car door and began berating me for leaving my dog where somebody could grab her.
I couldn't believe the argument this woman was presenting. She felt I was neglecting my dog by leaving her in my car, with the top down, and anyone could grab her (like she was doing!?).
In my left hand I was holding my laptop computer, and in my right hand I had a hot drink. I was in no position for a confrontation.
When the large woman blocked my path she did so by standing at the rear of the car and she actually placed her rather large belly against me. I repeatedly stated, "Move! I want to get in my car", but she kept on telling me off.
It went something like this:
"Stay the heck away from my dog and my car. Now move."
She replied with several curse words and, "Make me."
I came back with, "Why should I make you? Just move, I want to get in my car!"
Which she replied, "Get in your car. Go, on, get in."
I told her, "I can't with your big belly against me."
At this point I pushed myself forward toward the car door. In the blink of an eye, she suddenly grabbed me by the lapel area of my shirt with both hands, tried unsuccessfully to lift me off the ground, when she couldn't lift me she swung me around and slammed me into the hood of their mini van, leaving a large dent on it. At this point all I could think was, "If this woman gets the better of me, God only knows what they will do with my buddy!" Right then, that primal, protective feature, all woman know, came surging up inside of me! I dropped my computer and drink instantly to free my hands, then I catapulted myself off the hood of her car and nailed her with a right hook to her jaw. I was ready to land another one when I noticed I didn't need to. She was dazed and confused. An obvious TKO. She staggered backward, trying to stay upright, her eyes un-seeing, her arms stretched out trying to find something solid to grasp to stop her world from spinning. All I could think was, "How dare you try to hurt my best buddy!" The woman, staggering away, was not going to be coming back. She never spoke another word as she felt her way around the far side of their car, opened the passenger door, when she finally found it, got in and locked the door. Something she should have done before she decided to fight me!
My buddy was safe now, that's all that mattered to me.
Patrons in the coffee shop could see, through the coffee shop windows, the whole incident as it unfolded. Someone told my son, "Your mom looks like she could use your help out there." My son thought I had dropped my coffee or couldn't get the car door open or something, so he didn't hurry. By the time he got to the door the patron exclaimed, "Oh, wow, forget it, she took care of it." My son was speechless when he found out what had just transpired.
After the two instigators drove off in their dented van, my son and I talked about what had happened. How could I explain to him that they started a fight for reasons that made no sense. Both women had a different reason for confronting me. Were they just looking to harass someone? Did the first, old woman, really believe my buddy was in danger standing on the car waiting for me? Did the second woman have a true concern that my buddy would be stolen by standing there waiting for me? If so, then what was she doing trying to steal her?
Society, it's in a sad state of affairs.
A Place to Start
Tolerance - To allow the existence, occurrence or practice of (something that one does not necessarily like or agree with) without interference (Google.com definition).
Acceptance - The action or purpose of being received as adequate, or suitable, typically to be admitted into a group. (Google.com definition).
Teaching tolerance, acceptance and how to avoid bias, to our children may be a good place to start. We need to start somewhere before there is nowhere to start from anymore.
British Theoretical Physicist
This person I dealt with was well into her 30's. I am guessing, she has brought this attitude with her all her life. A confrontational personality doesn't develop overnight. And my dog did not invoke an attitude she didn't already have.
This is how our, yes, OUR society acts over a dog waiting for her owner, we are in a sad state of affairs. This planet is filling up quickly with humans. Cities are shoulder to shoulder deep with them. We need to get along. We must get along or we will not survive. When Steven Hawking, the British theoretical physicist, was posed a question by a student, "Which human shortcoming he would most like to change?" He replied, "Aggression. We need to replace aggression with empathy." He went on to say, "We're facing an immediate threat -- and it's our own behavior."