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The Dangerous Socialism of Universal Health Care

Updated on August 7, 2009

Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength

Long have the discordant cries for universal health care echoed o'er the mountains and plains of our great nation. A favorite topic for radicals, bleeding hearts, and cancer patients, universal health care has become the liberal call to arms. Of course, as with all topics of leftist interest, even the phrase "universal health care" is at best a misnomer and at worst an outright lie. The real term, Socialized Medicine, hints at the true dangerous underpinnings of what might otherwise seem a reasonable proposition.

Join me as I take you on a tour of the reasons why Socialized Medicine shows the true colors of those espousing it - Red.

Anti-Business Malarky

First and foremost, any citizen of the United States who favors instituting universal health care has all but declared war on our friends, the insurance company. Long have these upstanding businessmen (and women, once they were graciously allowed to work outside the home, bless their hearts) held aloft the economy of our great nation. Without the income generated by their hard work, America might collapse into financial instability and if that happens, how would we ever pay our insurance premiums?

Not only are insurance companies cost effective, they're also streamlined for ease of use of the average consumer. Anyone who has ever required an emergency trip to the hospital is sure to regale listeners with the tales of low-cost treatments and no hassle bill pay. Just make sure that your cancer isn't a pre-existing condition or else you might have to go to court for fraud.

No Such Thing As A Dead Socialist

Now that its clear that there's no logical reason to support universal health care, the question remains- why do liberals support socialized medicine? The answer, of course, is right in front of your eyes. Being godless heathens, liberals and other democrats fear death while more right-thinking folk embrace the call of God to his bosom. Socialists are afraid of death and are looking for things like "basic health care" to stave off the reaper's scythe.

The fact is, there's no such thing as a dead socialist* - their petty ideologies flee the second they find themselves in peril. Don't listen to these greedy Democrats who cling to health like a child to a security blanket - they're just in it for themselves.

*The exception, of course, that proves the rule being the still twitching body of Lenin displayed in the Red Square.

Welfare Moms Just Keep Taking

But what is the real cost to the American taxpayer when socialized medicine becomes the rule? Certainly, the government and private pocketbooks will be a bit heavier with cash when preventive care prevents major medical emergencies and businesses no longer suffer from expensive health care incentives. What the average consumer might be forgetting is that the poor will live longer.

Look how many poor people there are on the streets! Minorities and failures all of them, always sitting on our trains and looking sad. Can you imagine a world where their life expectancy is above fifty? The constant handouts and whining for rights will drown out the discourse on how to best kill brown people overseas. If the sheer monetary cost wasn't enough to turn off the average citizen, then their shrill cries for better schools and lower housing costs extending an extra twenty, maybe even thirty years should be the final nail in the coffin (hopefully theirs).

Crowd The Streets, Teabag the President

Of course, now our president B. Hussein Obama (please pay extra attention to the Hussein) is considering a bipartisan health care plan. First, I have to applaud him for finally coming around to the GOP's understanding of the term "bipartisan" - entirely conservative. But it doesn't go far enough! No, not by a long shot.

If these health care measure are pushed through, citizens with no major health problems might pay tens of dollars less per year. Hopefully, the outraged constituencies of local politicians will tell them what they think of that plan.

So, until the next time you find yourself weeping for help in a hospital as they ignore your heart palpitations in favor of the businessperson with erectile dysfunction remember the importance of never loosening the grasp of capitalism on your waning health.


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    • kerryg profile image

      kerryg 8 years ago from USA

      LOL, well done!

    • Strophios profile image

      Strophios 8 years ago

      A very solid piece of satire. Well done.

    • profile image

      John Davies 8 years ago

      Everyone knows seatbelts only cause drowning if used incorrectly ;)

    • azariel profile image

      azariel 8 years ago from Western Massachusetts

      Genius! Now that that's taken care of, how about an article about how evil seatbelts can cause drowning? Haha good stuff man