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Is The US Government Too Big? No. It Is Too Small.

Updated on January 2, 2013

Too Big? Not So!, The Government is too Small. I want my free phone!

Some crazy people, mainly those wacky conservatives and libertarians, like to claim that our government has gotten too big. I beg to disagree. In fact our government is far too small for what we need it to do. Let me give you a few examples and I am sure you will come to agree with me.

As a nation, the United States has 42,000,000 starving people, people so hopelessly poor that they depend on the government for their daily sustenance.

People Receiving 'Food Stamps' Who Would Otherwise Starve

People who would starve if not for our glorious leaders.
People who would starve if not for our glorious leaders. | Source

Uncle Sam's Watchful Eye On Our Farmers

Without food stamps, these people would surely starve. Only the continuing action of the government keeps the food trucks rolling.

Without endless watchfulness from on high, farmers would not plant crops, nor harvest. Who would tell them to? Who would guide them to plant on the right date, fertilize with the right fertilizer, cultivate and combine?Thankfully, our government is there, watching from the heavens.

A drone equipped with cameras keeps a careful eye on our nation's farmers.
A drone equipped with cameras keeps a careful eye on our nation's farmers. | Source

Food Dood!

Beyond just the delivery of food, who would know what to eat without the wisdom of our betters? Observe the classic form below, the pyramid. Broad of base and narrow of top, nothing can overturn it. Consider the wisdom of this design, originated by the all-powerful Pharaohs of ancient Egypt and the wise Mayan kings of Central America. These symbols of greatness, teaching us to always obey our social superiors and betters. The Egyptians buried their dead masters in them, and the Mayans cut the hearts out of prisoners on top of them, and ate them. Would that we were graced with such wonderful rulers!

The Pyramid, Symbol of the Proper Social Order

What you need to know?
What you need to know? | Source

No Thinking Required! Just Obey And Be Happy!

This is so relaxing, I hardly need to think at all! I just follow the pyramid and eat what Uncle Sam and Aunt Michelle tell me to. How happy I am. It does worry me a bit to see that there are several different, competing food pyramids out there. There are even different pyramids made by other, vaguely sinister foreign governments. But, no problem, really, I know how wise they all must be. They truly do have my best interests at heart.

Why, if the government didn't tell me not to, I might accidentally eat horse meat!

Or drink way too much subtly poisonous soda pop!

Foie Gras, Our Enemy

Do you believe, there are real, live people in the world, no, not just in the world, but even in the United States of America (!) who like to eat goose liver paste! Also called by its hoity-toity French name 'foie gras'.

Why should anyone be allowed to eat such stuff? (Even if it is really really yummy.) It has grease in it, so it must be totally bad for us, and we know that it is a basic rule of modern society that no one should be allowed to do anything that might in any way possibly be bad for us. How uncouth. How uncivilized. Don't these people know that health care costs are now socialized, so that if anyone gets unhealthy, we all have to pay? That means none of us can be allowed to do anything that might raise costs on others. Because that would be unfair.

Not to worry! As civilization spreads from the enlightened coastal areas towards the hinterlands, the evils of foi gras are being eliminated. Our government must now hire hundreds of inspectors and policemen to catch the crude barbarians who continue this practice in their caves.

Barbarians Making Foie Gras

(But it is yummy)
(But it is yummy) | Source

Unbelievably, The US Government Does Even More For Us!

One would think, reading the above, that the government would be far to busy feeding us and caring for our proper nutrition to do anything else. Au contraire, mon ami!

No, our government is far too small. Just last year our government made a big step in the right direction. They made it possible for health care in America to be under the direct control of our government, by mandating that everyone buy health insurance that meets government standards.

There are some 18 million people working in health care in the US. But what you probably did not know is that many of them, nay, most of them work for something called the 'private sector'. If you are unfamiliar with this term, it means they do not work for the government! They work for organizations variously called 'hospitals' and 'companies' and 'corporations'. Some even work all alone in a type of anarchy called 'private practice'.

Well, obviously that couldn't be allowed to continue. And now, it won't. :-) With the government taking over paying all these people, clearly the government will also be gaining control over them. For their own good. I wonder how many new jobs will be created by government to administer the new health insurance programs and manage all these people? Lots, I hope. And all these new jobs will be big government jobs with great pay, benes and retirement. So its good all around, eh? Everyone benefits when the government takes control!

Oh, I suppose there will be a few nutty doctors here and there who resist, and even bad citizens who refuse to buy the mandatory insurance. But we know how to handle those criminals. We'll just transfer a few of the anti-foie-gras police and cross train them to catch the rebels.

Just think of all the wonderful things the government does for us. They mandate bicycle helmets. They ban evil guns. They require us to wear seat-belts. They make us send our kids to school. They build the schools and stock them with domesticated teachers, who teach our kids the wonders of government.

None of these things could we accomplish on our own. Imagine, just imagine if the government did not control schools. We would all be dumb!

You must agree, after reading my logical and convincing words, that our government is much to small to do all the things we ask of it. We need to all call our lords and princes and beg then to raise taxes higher and higher, so they can do more and more for us every day.

Not A New Problem

There have always been nit-wits and nay-sayers. The following was written some 2500 years ago, about people who just didn't appreciate everything their government did for them. I guess they were the original bitter clingers.

King Rehoboam

10The young men who grew up with him spoke to him, saying, “Thus you shall say to this people who spoke to you, saying, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, now you make it lighter for us!’ But you shall speak to them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s loins! 11‘Whereas my father loaded you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke; my father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.’”


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