ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Things not shared

Updated on September 27, 2016

Have any of you ever heard the word family secrets? It is just another form of child abuse. I There is always something in a persons family that people shouldn't tell people but if it is just one or two is a small problem. My family had family secrets from the day I was born. There was just some things people didn't tell people. Part of my healing process is letting out my family secrets and make it where they cant hurt me anymore. It is a long list. I may cry during this revealing but I have to let go of my past so I can move on for my mental and physical health.

When I was maybe 5 years old, I came home from school and found my mother passed out on the floor. There was alcohol abuse that run in the family and this wasn't from that. My mother was bi-polar and was not medicated. I didn't realize till I was older what was wrong. My mother was a nightmare to live with. She didn't want me to have friends ever. I was her property. She kept me from having grandparents. We lived next to my grandparents in High School and I was never allowed to go anywhere with them. My mother had never let me have anything to do with them, my sister or even my Dad. I was isolated from the world. No friends and like most 16 year olds who could get a job; my mother said no. I remember that I couldn't date until I was 16. I couldn't have friends over because God forbid we should make noise. My father was a truck driver and according to my mother, my Dad had complained that children made too much noise and kept him awake.

When I was a junior in High School I got sick. I am positive anyone in my class could have told I didn't feel good. I lost weight but Mom told me not to tell anyone because it was private. I hadn't done anything to get endometriosis but my mother thought it would embarrass her. She didn't care how I felt. I was so scared that if anyone ever met my mother that my life would never be the same. I was sure as isolated as my life was it would be so much more so.

I could never go around my great grandfather because he liked little girls. I had an aunt who had a baby who had to be put in the mental hospital after she had her baby. My parents fought like cats and dogs when they were together. Why they didn't get a divorce is beyond me but Mom would never have let Dad take me.

I found out from Dad's nieces and nephews that the reason they never had much to do with me was because Mom had told Dad after they got married that he couldn't have anything to do with his family. She had cut me off from more family and it still is there even now. Why do I have to give up some part of my Dad's family due to something my mother did?

Some more of the family secrets! I decided it is time to put this all behind me for my health. When Mom passed away I had to wait 2 years to tell my sister. Hard to say it but I wish I hadn't notified my sister. As some of my friends and even my husband have told me that I have to leave my sister alone because she is a carbon copy of my mother. My mother put me down so much that I am fighting my way back from feeling lower than a snake.

She told me when I got endometriosis in high school and then 5 years later had to have a hysterectomy that I would never find a husband. All men according to her wanted a baby and she said I couldn't give them that. She said I had only one thing to give a man and that was my virginity. When I was raped after she had died I heard her voice in my mind telling me I had nothing to offer a man. She had told me that I was ugly and all sorts of cruel things.

Because of all the secrets I held all my life I thought I had found a man who would love me. After eighteen months and with the help of a very special friend she helped me get out of the abusive relationship. She was the first person in my life to tell me I deserved better. I am so thankful she helped me get away because I know if she hadn't helped me I would be dead.

just one of the side effects of family secrets. When Dad got sick with Alzheimer's and was still home; I had friends show up that I could work and Dad was taken care of without him knowing it. One would watch him and if Dad left with the car she would follow him and give me updates where he was. Her fiancé would watch when Dad went outside and if Dad fell, he was on the phone to me and calling an ambulance to take Dad to the hospital. The friend who saved me from an abusive relationship got me into counseling and would drop by to help me with Dad during the day. All of these people helped me to move into my first apartment and to start a life of my own.

Now having been a caregiver to my mother and father, it is my turn. This last year has been the hardest part of my life. I have had to learn to lean on people. That was hard with my husband. I had never needed to depend on people. Due to all my family secrets it has lead to my current health problems and from what I have researched I am screwed as to health medications.


Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)