Things not shared
Have any of you ever heard the word family secrets? It is just another form of child abuse. I There is always something in a persons family that people shouldn't tell people but if it is just one or two is a small problem. My family had family secrets from the day I was born. There was just some things people didn't tell people. Part of my healing process is letting out my family secrets and make it where they cant hurt me anymore. It is a long list. I may cry during this revealing but I have to let go of my past so I can move on for my mental and physical health.
When I was maybe 5 years old, I came home from school and found my mother passed out on the floor. There was alcohol abuse that run in the family and this wasn't from that. My mother was bi-polar and was not medicated. I didn't realize till I was older what was wrong. My mother was a nightmare to live with. She didn't want me to have friends ever. I was her property. She kept me from having grandparents. We lived next to my grandparents in High School and I was never allowed to go anywhere with them. My mother had never let me have anything to do with them, my sister or even my Dad. I was isolated from the world. No friends and like most 16 year olds who could get a job; my mother said no. I remember that I couldn't date until I was 16. I couldn't have friends over because God forbid we should make noise. My father was a truck driver and according to my mother, my Dad had complained that children made too much noise and kept him awake.
When I was a junior in High School I got sick. I am positive anyone in my class could have told I didn't feel good. I lost weight but Mom told me not to tell anyone because it was private. I hadn't done anything to get endometriosis but my mother thought it would embarrass her. She didn't care how I felt. I was so scared that if anyone ever met my mother that my life would never be the same. I was sure as isolated as my life was it would be so much more so.
I could never go around my great grandfather because he liked little girls. I had an aunt who had a baby who had to be put in the mental hospital after she had her baby. My parents fought like cats and dogs when they were together. Why they didn't get a divorce is beyond me but Mom would never have let Dad take me.
I found out from Dad's nieces and nephews that the reason they never had much to do with me was because Mom had told Dad after they got married that he couldn't have anything to do with his family. She had cut me off from more family and it still is there even now. Why do I have to give up some part of my Dad's family due to something my mother did?
Some more of the family secrets! I decided it is time to put this all behind me for my health. When Mom passed away I had to wait 2 years to tell my sister. Hard to say it but I wish I hadn't notified my sister. As some of my friends and even my husband have told me that I have to leave my sister alone because she is a carbon copy of my mother. My mother put me down so much that I am fighting my way back from feeling lower than a snake.
She told me when I got endometriosis in high school and then 5 years later had to have a hysterectomy that I would never find a husband. All men according to her wanted a baby and she said I couldn't give them that. She said I had only one thing to give a man and that was my virginity. When I was raped after she had died I heard her voice in my mind telling me I had nothing to offer a man. She had told me that I was ugly and all sorts of cruel things.
Because of all the secrets I held all my life I thought I had found a man who would love me. After eighteen months and with the help of a very special friend she helped me get out of the abusive relationship. She was the first person in my life to tell me I deserved better. I am so thankful she helped me get away because I know if she hadn't helped me I would be dead.
just one of the side effects of family secrets. When Dad got sick with Alzheimer's and was still home; I had friends show up that I could work and Dad was taken care of without him knowing it. One would watch him and if Dad left with the car she would follow him and give me updates where he was. Her fiancé would watch when Dad went outside and if Dad fell, he was on the phone to me and calling an ambulance to take Dad to the hospital. The friend who saved me from an abusive relationship got me into counseling and would drop by to help me with Dad during the day. All of these people helped me to move into my first apartment and to start a life of my own.
Now having been a caregiver to my mother and father, it is my turn. This last year has been the hardest part of my life. I have had to learn to lean on people. That was hard with my husband. I had never needed to depend on people. Due to all my family secrets it has lead to my current health problems and from what I have researched I am screwed as to health medications.