- Politics and Social Issues»
Intellectual Activism: Thought Provoking Insights & Motivational Messages to Help Stop Violence & Abuse
In this hub I have included some of my more thought provoking musings about abuse, the nature of abusers, and the legal systems meant to protect us. Things I have posted on my page over the year, directed towards fellow AngelAgents, strivers, thrivers, victims and/or survivors of abuse, and those who wish to understand the whole issue of violence and abuse. Please feel free to use them, and the images, but please remember to credit me (Mel Stewart or safe-at-last) for all quotes and my licensors if you use the images:
Copyright © 2010 Mel Stewart, "safe-at-last" of Perth, Western Australia, and Licensors Nodtronics Pty Ltd. All rights reserved.
Hi!! I'm Mel, the mild mannered alter ego of the superhero Sal, (short for safe-at-last / Salander / Secret Agent of the Light). My inspirational friends and I are part of an army of AngelAgents who are together standing tall to fight side by side to stop the injustices inflicted on ourselves, our kids, and abused mums and kids everywhere! Hear us ROAR!
"We are dedicated to fight for all those innocent children who have suffered or are suffering as a result of the gross perversions of justice that are permitted by those who are meant to protect them. We are committed to wage a war on behalf of such children, and we refuse to stand silent as they are let down by a system that allows itself to be manipulated by selfish, unrepentant perpetrators of abuse, when instead it should be protecting those who are unable to protect themselves. May our voices combine into a resounding shout, as we demand reforms to ineffectual laws that in reality constitute institutional abuse. We will not rest until changes are made to Criminal and Family Laws so that our Justice System can in fact serve it's true purpose: In criminal Law, ensuring the punishment fits the crime and therefore detering other criminals from offending, and in Family Law, ensuring that there are no violations of the first and foremost Rights of our Children - Their Right to be protected from harm, and to live with out fear, in the warm, safe embrace of unconditional love!"
There are many ways to contribute towards the fight for change. Individual participation can take place at many levels, and through many mediums. Anybody can make a difference! Do not forget: ONE drop raises the ocean! Organize to Resist! Together we can take on the Predators! Let's Break the Silence to End the Violence by working together to make our voices a Resounding SHOUT!!! Perpetrators BEWARE - you don't stand a chance!
Are you a victim of abuse? Make a D.E.A.L. with yourself to become a survivor!
D - Discover, Decide, Disclose, Devise, Develop, Discuss, Design, Dare, Dream!
E - Evolve, Engage, Educate, Empathize, Enlighten, Encourage, Enable!
A - Act, Aspire, Accommodate, Advance, Advocate, Aid, Achieve, Amaze!
L - Look, Listen, Learn, Laugh, Live, Lead into the LIGHT, Love!"
We hold their future in our hands, shouldn't we be protecting it rather than destroying it?
Let's work together to change laws that favor reducing the costs associated with the running child support agencies above protecting our kids!
How can a blind judge serve justice? Call for mandatory training so that all judges, special police officers and child protection workers so that they can competently handle cases involving family violence, abuse and sexual abuse!
Anybody noticed how there ARE pills that can help a victim to overcome the devastating effects of abuse, but there are NO pills that can stop an abuser from abusing? Just a bit of food for thought...
Has anybody even stopped to think that perhaps the term "cycle of abuse" now describes a far greater cycle of perpetual dysfunction than simply the personal relationships between perpetrators and their victims, a cycle that in fact occurs and continues on a much larger scale - one that encompasses modern society as a whole?
Now is the time to speak your mind! Together we can break the chains that bind!
We already have the key to success: We have each other! One voice will be ignored, but a 1000 voices will be heard. 10,000 voices will be noticed, but 100,000 voices cannot be ignored! Together, our individual whispers can become a resounding SHOUT! Organize to Resist!
- We all have the right to feel safe all the time. We do not need to earn this right, it is something we all have, at all times. We can choose to exercise this right, or not. We may sometimes choose to relinquish it, but we can claim back the right to be safe at any time we choose.
- As powerful as some bullies, abusers and criminals may be, just like the common or regular bully, abuser or criminal, they fear the Light, exposure and loss of that control that makes them powerful. Take back that control by taking control of your own behavior! Only you can do anything about it. Get help to RESIST. Ask for HELP and INFORMATION!!!!"
- Emotional abuse is the core issue in any form of abuse. Most victims would never tolerate from a stranger the abuse that they endure from a family member or significant other. The emotional hold that perpetrators have over their victim(s) is invisible, both to the victims and to everybody else. That is the power of the perpetrator.
- Why do perpetrators go to such lengths to manipulate people other than their victims? Because when their victims, the victims' family and friends, and the public service networks intended to support their victims are groomed successfully, the investment of all that hard work does not go to waste - the victims are then still available to continue to abuse.
- If you have a friend who has suffered as a victim of family violence and you would like to help them heal, here is a tip from "outside the square": When they are telling you about something that happened, instead of asking "how did that make you feel?", ask them "And how did you respond to that?"
- Types of verbal abuse: Accusing/blaming , blocking/diverting, withholding.
A person who makes accusations in anger or blames another for offending them, and then blocks the conversation, diverts by changing the subject or withholds by refusing to listen or validate the other in turn, is being ABUSIVE!
- An abuser is not an abuser because he has chronic anger - he has chronic anger because he is an abuser. Abusers do not "lose control" in anger when they abuse others - they use anger to maintain control and continue their abuse.
- The hard thing to understand about domestic violence is the power of the perpetrator over their victim, and their ability to pull the wool over other people's eyes - their victim's, their family and friends, professionals, and even their own.
- Many survivors of family violence will tell you one of the most damaging effects of their abuse was not being believed when they tried to tell someone. The negative social responses experienced by those in these types of situations often cause more distress for victims than the initial violence itself, depending on its length, duration and social responses throughout.
- Rapists, child molesters and men who sexually abuse or rape their wives often have an abundance of pornographic literature, photographs, magazines, or videos. They may want to involve you in their interest by photographing you or taking you to pornographic movies or shops. Be wary of sex addicts!
- I confess that I have a newly found appreciation for my abuser. In fact, I can go so far as to say that I am marginally grateful to him. If he had not put me through 16 years of hell, I might not have been able to feel the same level of joy in, and appreciation for that which I have now found with a very special man! Anyway, just quietly, "thanks Pedro."
- Imagine how different an abused child's journey would be, and indeed, how different their final destination, if their abusers could show genuine remorse and commit to the effort required to change their behavior, to show them that they are only human, but that as such, capable of not only the greatest of human weaknesses, but also the greatest of human strengths?
- The effects of prolonged emotional abuse can have devastating physiological effects on a victim, and will almost always have lasting ill effects on the victim's mind, due to the infliction of multiple psychiatric injuries. In extreme and/or prolonged cases of emotional, mental and psychological abuse, it can even induce suicide.
- I believe every person needs to be understood within the context of their own personal experiences, because each person's unique set of circumstances, combined with their predisposed psychological and physiological traits, will have played a roll in the way their brains and bodies have reacted, and therefore influenced their choices and resulting behavior.
- Despite the education of society through campaigns that promote awareness of domestic abuse & family violence, many still tend to blame the victims. Too many people conclude that victims are mentally ill or lacking self confidence, education and/or intelligence, when the truth is that the main reason they stay for so long is because they give their love UNCONDITIONALLY!!!!!
- The Laws that govern Family Court Systems need to be decided by using deductive reasoning to draw valid, logical conclusions from the overwhelmingly substantial amount of relevant empirical evidence available, & most people would agree that those facts can be easily found in the historically prevalent & devastating long term effects observed in children who have witnessed &/or experienced any kind of abuse.
Let's put the focus on abusers instead!
It amazes me how people are so quick to believe that maliciously false allegations of family violence and child abuse are the rule rather than the exception. Studies have shown consistently that only 6% of allegations are false, and of these, only a very small percentage are maliciously false . Surely common sense and logic would make it obvious to people that false DENIALS are in fact the rule, rather than the exception? With Family Violence and Child Abuse being hidden crimes, both are notoriously hard to prove. What perpetrator of ANY crime pleads guilty unless they know they will definitely be proven guilty, and therefore do so only for the purpose of getting a reduced sentence? While admitting to such allegations in the Family Law setting would not involve risking a jail sentence, admission of guilt would guarantee that a controlling perpetrators would lose control of their victims, not to mention lose face in their family and social circles, require them to take responsibility for their abusive behavior by committing themselves to perpetrator rehabilitation programs and also losing the ability to reduce their child support payments. Further more, the 6% statistic includes all instances of "counter-accusation", a legal tactic commonly used as a defense when there is no other supporting evidence that can be used to deny the original allegations, and which nobody seems to realize also resembles a behavior frequently used by perpetrators of family violence to deny their abuse that is called "mirroring". Why does the spotlight continue to be put on the victims despite the education of our society regarding the issues of family violence and child abuse?
More Food for Thought:
Society condemns women who kill their partners after suffering from family violence for years. While I certainly do not condone it, I sometimes find it hard to condemn it. Regardless of the physical abuse such women have endured, consider that severe emotional, mental and psychological abuse is compared to the (illegal) torture tactics used by some military interrogators on enemy prisoners of war. Now consider this scenario: A prisoner of war is subjected to torture for years. The POW fears that their torturer will hunt them down and kill them if they try to escape, as they have threatened to do. Eventually, the POW can't take it anymore and also can't watch the hurt inflicted on fellow prisoners either, so they turn around and kill their torturer(s) and escape... Now ask yourself this: Would you condemn the brave soldier and think they should be sent to jail for murder, or would you think they deserved a medal for bravery? Just food for thought...
Stalkers in Denial
Every time he has been questioned about why he was in my street or in my house or why he once again happened to be at the same shopping center as me for the 30th time even though he lived 40 minutes away, he would come up with some excuse. The last line he used was "I was looking for my cat". When the cops told me I said "yeah that's why he was walking down the street at midnight, when the cat has been missing for the previous FOUR months. Sounds reasonable - but maybe you should tell him that when looking for a pet it helps to call their name instead of tiptoeing on the grass, otherwise they won't hear you..." I must say though that my favorite was the time he said "I wasn't stalking her, I was spying on her"
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Organize to Resist! Together we can take on the Predators! Let's Break the Silence to End the Violence by working together to make our voices a Resounding SHOUT!!! Perpetrators BEWARE - you don't stand a chance!
All names in this article have been changed for legal purposes and to protect the privacy of the Author. Except where otherwise credited, or where text forms part of an external link, this article is under the following copyright:
Copyright © 2010 Mel Stewart, "safe-at-last", of Perth, Western Australia. All rights reserved.
All persons, places and objects shown in the images in this hub are are shown for illustrative purposes only. They bear no relation to any real person or event. All persons shown are paid models. Unless otherwise credited, all images are under the following copyright:
Copyright © 2010 Mel Stewart, "safe-at-last" and Licensors Nodtronics Pty Ltd. All rights reserved.