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Trump VS Jesus

Updated on March 9, 2019
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Bo is a life long democrat turn independent in 2016. She once ran for the Kansas house of Representatives.

Trump surges forward as Jesus falls in recent poll

In a recent poll, President Trump's numbers rose sharply, as Jesus's numbers continued their steady decline. In an odd twist, the largest voting pool standing with Jesus, were the liberal atheist, with 67% supporting him. The poll also showed that 80% of evangelicals say they will stand with the President. This trend has been on going since, then candidate, Trump, began his run. He has enjoyed a consistent following of his base with new followers joining daily. He has courted evangelicals with prayer breakfast speeches and promises of putting Christ back in Christmas.

A turning point for Trump seemed to be at a rally in Mississippi in 2016 when he told the crowd that he “Knew more than Jesus and that he and he alone could save them”. He continued to pick up steam, gaining further support three days later in Kansas, when he assured the potential voters that he would help them make money, lots and lots of beautiful money. Following that statement, when the roar of the crowd died down, he recited a lengthy list of liberal socialist ideas Jesus pushed. He backed his claim by referring people to the Bible, saying it was all well documented it the book for anyone to verify. This seem to unite the crowd further as they booed and chanted “Never Socialist”. A grinning candidate Trump assured the crowd that once elected he would stop any efforts to follow that horrific agenda.

He went on to say Jesus hated America and believed all people were equal. He scoffed and said "Equal? Can you believe he even said that? If all people were equal they would all be president. Clearly he doesn't get it. Folks he just doesn't get it."

Trump doubles down

He steadfastly maintained his claims as the race progressed adding anti Jesus language into almost every speech. He used his brilliant abilities to swoon voters with constant promises of non taxed money, hoards of shiny material objects and the eliminations of the pesky and costly efforts to keep the earth livable. He taunted Jesus by asking “if you are so almighty, why don't you just fix the earth”? He frequently sneered and put down Jesus, always drawing attention to what a soft, weak, bleeding heart he was. This proved to be an effective tactic for energizing the base. MEMEs begin to appear with the face of Jesus distorted into a melting snowflake and Jesus handing stacks of cash labeled US tax dollars to brown people labeled “illegals”.

Jesus saddened

When Jesus was asked why he felt he was loosing his support, he was quoted as saying people had lost their way. They had become enamored by shiny bobbles and material wealth. He said people felt decency and kindness were weaknesses, so of course he had been labeled “weak” by the majority. He further elaborated by pointing out that human's tend to go for immediate gratification, limiting their ability to think long term. He said the rewards of voting for him were less tangible and only brought to maturity after a persons passing, making his leadership less desirable. He reminded us that he had warned of these trappings for millennia but humans never had listened too well.

Making a choice

As the election draws closer both have drawn lines in the sand. In the latest debate Trump said that when the wall goes up, that long haired, liberal, foreigner better be on the other side, we didn't want snowflakes ruining our great nation and pushing their liberal agenda. Jesus told Trump that his domain was the entire world, and all people were equal, to which Trump replied and THAT attitude is why you will loose. You want one world order and socialism, the United States will NEVER be Socialist under one world order, not even yours. After the debate Trump handed out red copies of the Bible which had the acronym “MAGA” in large bold letters above the title “Bible”. He told the eager recipients that he had autographed them himself and that would make them worth a lot of money. He reminded them that he had promised to make them money and the Bibles were proof he was doing just that!

© 2019 1964human


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