Want to Get Tossed From a Diesel Rig? Just Say These Things

Today I sat down and had a delicious breakfast. Then I retired to my living room and became one with my comfortable recliner while watching CNN News and drinking some fresh coffee. I stated all of these facts to prove one thing: I could not have enjoyed one of these things unless some hard-working, exhausted, and dedicated trucker (and his big rig) had not delivered these things to the stores where I purchased them.

That heading is, in my honest opinion, not a completely adequate statement to say to all of the truckers we have been blessed with in our nation. Although I meant it from the heart, I just feel that I owe these guys and girls a whole lot more, but cannot pay them the debt of gratitude right now.
Do you feel the same way? I would hope so. Besides our school teachers (hello, teaches12345), truck drivers are also overlooked, underpaid, and many times taken for granted.

All actions by us are wrong. No wonder there is such a turn-over in the trucking industry due to people hiring in, passing the necessary tests, getting their CDL license and going to work for some company only to find out that they and their fellow trucker friends are just another job being performed from daylight to dark.

About truckers that I would love to share with you. Now I have to be truthful. This fact does not apply to all truck drivers. But to the ones it does apply, I must tell you that many people who were forced to hitch-hike from one town to another were greatly helped by one trucker who felt compassion on the hiker one cold, foggy night and gave him (or her) a ride. Most truckers are like that: compassionate.

Now. If you are ever in this condition of not having a ride and a truckdriver gives you a lift, "please," when you get out of his or her rig, leave him a monetary tip for his gasoline and remember all of the things you and he (or she) talked about during the ride because truckdrivers are some of the wisest people who God let draw a breath.

And are stupid enough to want to "push the envelope," and live dangerously, you can let your mouth say some things that will cause not one, but ALL truckers to "lock-up" the air brakes on his rig and come to a sliding halt while telling you in a non-negotiable way: "Get ye' sorry butt outta my rig! Now!"

So now I ask you . . .

Want to Get Tossed From a Diesel Rig? Just Say These Things

• "What's that awful smell in this cab? You? Are you hauling manure?"

• "Just talked to your wife a minute ago and she sure has a sexy voice."

• "Mr. Trucker, when was the last time you had a bath?"

• "You got some cash to give me to buy myself a steak dinner?"

• "Hey, you care if I crawl back here in your sleeper and stretch out? Oh, excuse the skunk smell on my jeans."

• "Look here! Am I in luck or what. Here is a lunch pail. I think I will enjoy this tuna sandwich, banana and apple. Sorry there isn't enough for you."
• "Let me honk that horn! Watch it! I can't honk the horn and you in the way."
• "Care to put out that nasty cigarette?"

• "Why are you glaring at me with an angry look on your face?"
• "You call that music? Here. I am gonna change your radio station to some good ol' hip hop."
• "I would be much obliged if you would stop swearing when you look at me."
• "Hey, you brute! Did you almost hit that poor stray dog back there?"

• "Want to hear me do my auctioneer impression?"

• "Are these pictures taped to the visor your wife? Man, she looks like a porn star."

• "Your wife looks like a gold digger."

• "Care if I crash a few days at your house? I have nowhere to go."

• "Do you mind pulling over up ahead. The motor noise is keeping me from sleeping."

• "When you stop at the next truck stop, I will need you to buy me a nice juicy steak, a baked potato and a slice of apple pie. Oh, I'll pay you back when I get on my feet."

The aforementioned statements and questions will get you thrown out of any trucker's cab, but the following statements and activities will not only get you tossed from the trucker's cab, but get you a bonus butt kicking to teach you some respect for truck drivers.

• Tickling the truck driver's ears while saying, "I think you have fascinating ears."

• Gently blowing in the truck driver's ears. (Sure hope you have hospital insurance).

• Rolling your window down and shout vulgar things to the truck driver sitting next to you at the traffic light.

• Before the trucker knows it, hit him with your left shoulder and yell, "we're playing block buster!"

• Act as if the truck driver is in a boxing ring with you and take a few swings at him. Then ask, "You think I'd make a good boxer?"

• Grab his cell phone and start making calls to whomever answers the random numbers you think up. Then say with a fox-like grin, "Uh, oh! Guess I used up your minutes."

• Put your left foot on top of his right foot that is on the accelerator and say, "Let's get this tub to moving down the road. This going the speed limit is for the birds."

• When you and the truck driver arrive at the place where he is delivering his load, get an ugly rumor started about some funny crack the trucker made about the loading dock crew being so dumb that they did not know when to get in from the rain. This will get your trucker friend beaten up, cursed out and then your butt will be handed to you by this still-angry trucker and I guarantee that you will walk the rest of the way to where you were going when he picked you up.

If anyone actually does any of these things I hope that you live to tell me about which ones you used and what trucking company driver you used them on.

And a pleasant night, Roanoke, Virginia.