Welcome to ‘Bleak Land’
“I want to buy Greenland”,
Big T was pointing at the screen where the big green letters labelled the big island up north.
His advisors nervously scattered
around their white king thinking
profusely how they can sell his
new dumb idea to his people
as his another great vision for his nation.
“Must be a great place to play golf,’
big T chuckled himself profusely.
“How did you come to that conclusion
“Well it is named ‘Greenland’ you dumb,
what a silly question.”
The advisors informed him cautiously about
the huge ice mass covering the island or used to
as it is melting due to the climate, oh. They stopped
in half sentence before the king could throw his half
eaten stake at them he was viciously chewing on
but he already shouting “Fake news, fake news you dumb,
the climate change is fake news you forgot already?
I am going to sack you, all of you, tomorrow you out.”
Big T stormed out of the room shouting through the busy corridors
at his servants who were scattering in all directions
to make the room for his beefy obese figure,
what a bunch of no-hopers they are
working in his big white house
and if it was not for his big brain
this country would be
“Do you hear me? Finished!”
He shouted in an ear of a passing international advisor
who unfortunately did not manage to disappear in his office in time.
Then he continued “Call the king of Greenland and tell him
I want to buy his island as I go to build one huge golf course on it!”
The foreign secretary stepped out of the office to free the sweating advisor.
The Greenland is green only in name and his imagination.
He can not build his golf course on the unstable ice that is receding due to oh well whatever and also there is no king of Greenland. Yet he knew Big T did not like to be proven wrong so he chose another tactic.
“Well Mr president what about building one of your flashy new skyscrapers you dream about to build in every city around the world to cement your greatness?”
Big T handed his greasy steak bone in the secretary’s hand, he burped profusely and pulling the chewed pieces of meat out of his teeth he mused about it a little. His little piggy eyes looked confused for a moment and everyone started to sweat again but then he suddenly farted and shouted: “Give me my mobile I go to tweet my decision!”
Everyone was watching as the gleaming Big T posted a picture of a golden Trump skyscraper imposed on the Danish territory’s landscape.
“Now call the king of Greenland that America is going to buy his island otherwise I invade him.”
The foreign secretary sighed and dialled the office of prime minister of Denmark.
Big T snatched the phone out of his hands: “Hey are you king of Greenland?”
There was a silence on other side but then the prime minister recognised the voice of president of the USA and politely invited him for a state visit of Denmark to discuss any issues he has on mind.
“Mr. President, Greenland is like one of our USA states you know to Denmark?” The foreign secretary tried to whisper in the Big T ear.
“What?” Big T turned from the telephone annoyed but then his little piggy eyes glowed with well known greed again: “Great news I have for you, invite your king of Greenland too. I think the king of Greenland might be soon in your ‘D what country?’ to talk about our tremendous future together!”
Suddenly Big T threw a tantrum and telephone was flying across the room.
It hit one of the young girls passing by on her forehead.
“You be fine hey bombshell I bet your boyfriend will sort you out in his bed in no time,” Big T chuckled on his great joke but then his bushy eyebrows turned upside down again and he spitted into then truly white face of the foreign secretary: “The state visit to that D-shit country is cancelled, I have no interest in discussing the purchase with him,” Big T looked like crying and whispered: “He had been ‘nasty’ to me, I don’t like people to be ‘nasty’ to ME!”
“I am sure it was misunderstanding Mr. president,” the foreign secretary tried again looking around who he can pass this ungrateful job to but everyone just disappeared and he heard their quiet laughs behind their closed doors.
“He told me to go back to elementary school to study geography or something and then call him back!” Big T shouted suddenly: “I think I am going to check my nukes, I understand now that North Korean guy you know sometimes you just feel like blowing someone out of the map and right now I feel like that D-shitty place should be out of the map!”
“What if we go to the screen and see how Greenland truly looks like first Mr. President."
I am sure you will not even like it, we can find a better place to build your golf course what do you think?”
The foreign secretary’s face suddenly lit up when Ivanka, the Big T daughter appeared in a doorway fresh from her hairdresser, nails all done and in new million dollar costume from the best New York designer: “What is happening daddy, who upset you this time here, they so ungrateful hey, no one can appreciate your genius or is it again that awful Melanie drying you out of money?”
Big T let Ivanka to lead him to the computer where the foreign secretary already put up a map of Greenland on screen. “It looks like a pretty shitty place, just rocks or that white stuff.” Big T smirked and it brought smile to the advisor's face: “That is right Mr President, absolutely right and now even permafrost is melting and releasing the poisonous gas from underneath so not even healthy for you playing golf there.”
“You want to build another golf course Trumpy?” His son in law entered the room and put his feet up on the desk next to the computer: “I think Palestine is good place to start, especially Gaza strip, our friends Israelis already bombed lots of holes there for you all you need now is the fake grass.”
“Oh yeh Jarrad, I knew you come up with something good,you know these dumb advisors know nothing.”
He glared at the foreign secretary who left politely leaving the royal family alone.
“You have to come to Israel after the election on September 17th because we promised you will work on their peace agreement ok?”
“I love to play golf in Israel, they built me the biggest golf course and it is green you know not like that ‘Bleak land’.”
“Greenland daddy, but you can also build your golf course in Afghanistan.”
“Ivanka, ‘Trumpy’ needs all the American troops out of there before his election so he can meet all our soldiers back home with open arms for photo shoot you know.”
“Oh and there was shooting in Kabul apparently right now 80 people dead so I guess once our soldiers are out the place will be under Taliban again.”
“I don’t give a damn about Afghanistan I can raze that nasty place to the ground tomorrow.”
“Well done ‘Trumpy’ and then you will have enough holes in the ground for your golf for sure, all you need is fake grass.”
“Or fake boobs?” Laughed Big T: “Do you need any Ivanka? You are getting older and your boobs sag a bit, I pay for them you know, even can come from the treasury as part of your advising job?”
Meanwhile in another US state one lonely shooter was hiding on a roof.
He watched people mingling or walking aimlessly on a sun lit square down below.
His big automatic pistol leisurely propped against his arm waiting for the square to fill up.
He was smiling to himself while adjusting his cap to cover his eyes in the case someone from the upper windows on other side would recognize him. He has already planned his escape. People are so slow in their grief and sudden shock, he will plenty of time to disappear in the crown even to help someone injured poor sod and becoming an unsung hero of massacre, he chuckled. They thought of him as dump always, at his High laughing at his slowness and awkward manners and then shocked when he raged.
He is not the only one dump now, look at our president, he thought, white and fat like him and looking stupid but dangerous just like him, the lonely shooter on the roof. Who would have a last laugh? Them two for sure.
He overhead the Mexican looking couple reading something on their mobile just down below his nest: “Look what Trump tweeted just now, what a truly ‘Bleak land America has become under him, hey?”
“No, he calls it Greenland because he doesn’t even know where Greenland is, worse than first grader, it is shameful really and embarrassing.” They laughed and strolled off.
The lonely shooter pointed his gun at them resisting the urge to shoot, not enough people around, waste of bullets. You will see who is first grader here, he will raze you to the ground all of your useless lands, Afghanistan and Mexico and all of it and then me and him will be standing here, two white dumb survivors! It is my turn to start and he will follow in due time, he has nukes better than his small machine gun. The lonely shooter was read and the carnage has begun.