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What Has Happened to Civility in Society Today?

Updated on December 23, 2017
Carolyn M Fields profile image

Carolyn Fields is a lifelong learner, musician, author, world traveler, truth enthusiast, and all-around bon vivant.

Civility Defined

Let’s start with a definition of civility. According to Tomas Spath and Cassandra Dahnke, Founders of the Institute for Civility in Government, civility is claiming and caring for one’s identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else’s in the process. It goes beyond mere politeness, although being polite is a good starting point.

It is, as they put it, hard work. It requires staying present (i.e., not boycotting and walking out), even when those who have radically different ideas about life are voicing their opinions. You must set aside your preconceptions, and listen with respect. And others must do the same for you.

Today's Society

I don’t see much civility in our public discourse today. In fact, I have been deeply troubled by what I read and see in the news of late. One particularly distressing message was from Trinity College Professor, Johnny Eric Williams. In the case of Rep. Steve Scalise’s shooting on June 14th, he proposes that the Emergency Responders should have “let him die.” And his reason? Because he (Scalise) is white. And supposedly he is also an “inhuman asshole.” He (Johnny) goes on to say that you should not only let white people die, you should also “smile a bit when you do.”

Really? From what I know about Rep. Scalise, he is a decent man. He has conservative values, for sure. But he doesn’t beat his wife or sell drugs to inner city youth. What exactly makes him an asshole? Apparently, the mere fact that he is white.

Has our society really gone from “diversity and inclusion,” to this sort of hate speech as the norm? It would seem so. I hear example after example in the news and on social media. There is no decency. There is no civility.

Other Examples

Rep. Scalise’s shooting is, most unfortunately, only one recent example of hateful, vile, disrespectful, and uncivil societal behavior. Let me remind us all of just a few more examples:

  • We all know about Kathy Griffin and the photo shoot of her holding what appeared to be the bloodied and dismembered head of President Trump. For the most part, she received condemnation for this career-ending stunt. But it wasn’t universal. Some are still defending her for her “free speech.” Really? That was speech? Ricky Gervais called it “a bit crass and thoughtless, but who cares?” No civility here.
  • The production of Julius Caesar in Central Park, New York, depicting a Trump look-alike being brutally stabbed to death is another example. Sponsors have withdrawn funding, but not everyone is convinced this was wrong. Artistic Director, Mr. Eustis has this to say about the play: “Julius Caesar can be read as a warning parable to those who try to fight for democracy by undemocratic means,” he writes. “To fight the tyrant does not mean imitating him.” So, apparently, we are all over-reacting.
  • Lest you think that all the incivility is political, let me point to another example completely outside of politics. Remember Dr. David Dao, who was dragged off a United Airline flight early in April? Not only was his treatment brutal, all the other passengers just sat there and filmed the incident. Nobody tried to help him. That is the part that is unbelievable to me.

The list goes on and on. It runs the gamut from road rage, to failing to observe a moment of silence for victims of terror at a sporting event. It’s ubiquitous.

What About The Workplace?

Interestingly, the workplace is an unlikely refuge from the pervasive and offensive behavior we see in our social activities and events. In a recent survey (the Civility in America poll conducted by Weber Shandwick and Powell Tate with KRC Research), a full 86% of Americans said that their place of employment was civil. Apparently, people are more civil at work than outside of work. Some cite financial motivations, others point to the need for collaboration at work for this difference. Whatever the reason, it gives me hope that there are situations and incentives that might address our severe civility deficit.

Can We Change Course?

One thing I do know about the United States of America, we are a resilient society. Despite the despicable behavior we have witnessed recently, I believe the voices of outrage are beginning to be heard. Parents need to teach their children, and adults need to demonstrate simple human kindness, at every available opportunity.

Want some ideas? How about these:

  • When someone is speaking, giving an opinion that differs from your own, actively listen to what they have to say (as opposed to merely waiting for your turn). Validate that you have heard them. Then, and only then, offer your ideas and opinions on the subject.
  • Refrain from vulgar and explicit language. Just don’t use those words in public. It may sound like a little thing, but honestly, do we really need any more “f bombs” in our public discourse?
  • Give others the benefit of the doubt. Don’t jump to conclusions that their intent is evil or sinister. Don’t prejudge.

There are my top three. What are yours? I’d love to see them in the comments below.

And do, by all means, Have a Nice Day!

What is your opinion of civility in America today?

See results


Submit a Comment
  • tsadjatko profile image

    The Logician 

    2 years ago from now on

    I'm sorry I have to turn off autocorrect, I can't trust it.

    BTW, Hiliary is still telling lies!

    When Trump recently said she was colluding with Russia she tweeted

    “ Seriously, you asked Russia to hack me on national television,” she tweeted.

    A lie, first of all she claimed she had those emails scrubbed so how could anyone hack her to get them. What he actually said was:

    “Russia, if you’re listening, I hope you’re able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing.”

    Find emails that Hiliary had deleted? You can't find emails that aren't there by hacking.

    Hiliary had been claiming Russia had been hacking systems so based on her claim, Trump was making fun of her claim of Russia’s past hacking by saying that if they hacked her emails before she deleted them, to find them so we can see them.

    He never said nor even implied Russia should hack her.

    She knows that but she also knows her supporters are stupid enough to believe her lies.

  • tsadjatko profile image

    The Logician 

    2 years ago from now on

    Carolyn, speaking of civility this is what is happening to civility. Although there are plenty of examples of Democrats forsaking civility I never though they actually publicly advicethe doing away with it but Hiliary and Holder just did!

    Here you go, now this is what I call a civil campaign speech.

  • kenneth avery profile image

    Kenneth Avery 

    2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

    Carolyn -- yes, your hub was not only informative, but very in-depth and to-the-point. Great writing. And I do mean that.

    Write to me about anything at anytime.

  • Carolyn M Fields profile imageAUTHOR

    Carolyn Fields 

    2 years ago from South Dakota, USA


    I struggle with the question of what I can personally do about the lack of civility. I try to be civil myself, as a start. I try to write articles here that are civil. I try to engage in civil discourse with people I interact with. Mostly, I try to instill these behaviors in my stepson. If I can think of more things to do, I will do those too. Currently I am at a loss.

    Thanks for the comment.

  • Ken Burgess profile image

    Ken Burgess 

    2 years ago from Florida

    Another great article, that touches on a topic few want to even admit exists.

    "Can we change course?"

    That is a good question, first question I would pose:

    Do our 'intellectual elite and leaders' want this divide in our society... are they fostering it in our Universities, in our policies, and in the media's rhetoric?

    Are we not easier to control if there is no majority, if there are squabbling factions within America that cannot get along with one another?

    In the particular example you present, where the thought being projected is 'he is white, so let him die', this is a sentiment being fostered in universities, in our media (IE - NYTimes hires a person who despises white men and it becomes national news that they are proud to do so, they also publish a article stating New Hampshire is too white and something needs to be done about it).

    The second question would be:

    What do you do about it?

    When the media, and the universities, and the political leadership all seem intent on the destruction of societal norms, the overthrow of 'the patriarchy' of 'family' and basically everything that is or was considered 'civil' in our society, what do you do about it?

    How do you oppose it, fight it, without being targeted and destroyed by those trying to propagate it?

  • Carolyn M Fields profile imageAUTHOR

    Carolyn Fields 

    3 years ago from South Dakota, USA

    Thank you, Patricia. I agree with you.

  • pstraubie48 profile image

    Patricia Scott 

    3 years ago from North Central Florida

    It is of great concern to me because our young people see these actions and what are they thinking? It is scary what has happened....I do not know what the answer is but I do know that just as goodness begets goodness, evil and hatred beget evil and hatred. I pray we can stem the tide.

    Angels are on the way to you and to those whose hearts need to feel civil once again. ps

  • kenneth avery profile image

    Kenneth Avery 

    4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


    Informative hub. And some great writing. Thank you for sharing this hub about such a sensitive topic, but one that needs to be addressed.

    In my hometown, I am sometimes fearful about going to my local Walmart in fear for some "people" without any sign of compassion toward other races, will run by my family and I and yell obscenities or even worse, drive swiftly in the parking lot while the local police just watch it unfold.

    This, Carolyn, is a pure example of civil disobedience.

    Write me anytime.

  • Larry Rankin profile image

    Larry Rankin 

    4 years ago from Oklahoma

    Interesting perspective.

  • Dr Pran Rangan profile image

    Dr Pran Rangan 

    4 years ago from Kanpur (UP), India

    Thanks for sharing a good article. It is almost the same situation in most of the countries. There are many reasons responsible for the decrease in civility in society. We will have to peep inside us to find out why we are lacking in civility because it is we who constitute society.

  • Carolyn M Fields profile imageAUTHOR

    Carolyn Fields 

    4 years ago from South Dakota, USA

    Thanks, Celebsfan78, for your interesting observation. I agree with you. There has been a general decline in social courtesy for some time. It seems to have reach a new high (or low, however you look at it).

  • CELEBSFAN78 profile image

    Ara Vahanian 

    4 years ago from LOS ANGELES

    Good article here. However, I believe one of the main causes of this incivility is the loss of social courtesies in this country. There are many broken families and there has been a general decline in the American family structure. I believe this is one of the main reasons we see people on both sides being uncivil to each other. I will try to be more civil after reading this.

  • Oscarlites profile image

    Oscar Jones 

    4 years ago from Monroeville, Alabama

    good stuff! I will try my best to be civil after this!

  • Jodah profile image

    John Hansen 

    4 years ago from Gondwana Land

    This is a very good article, Carolyn. I can relate in a number of ways. Why can't we all realise that others may have different opinions, discuss them civilly and try to meet somewhere in the middle?

  • fpherj48 profile image


    4 years ago from Carson City

    It's no secret that Politics and religion have always been hot button issues, but there's no denying the lack of civility seems to be getting worse. Then again, what behaviors haven't seemed to be slowly becoming more and more unacceptable?

    Just think about it for a moment and if you like, limit it to your own involvement within society and experiences with the general public.

    Haven't the discipline issues with children in schools gotten more difficult? What about the decline in morals, common courtesies, friendly & helpful customer service.....what do we hear these days about kids respecting their own parents?

    I remember an old adage my parents used back in the early '60's.......something about "going to hell in a hand basket...?" I guess I'll have to look that up. Who said it first and why?

    Looks like that's what happening to civility, Carolyn. And just as with everything else, the only changes can come from "US" ....the sooner, the better. Very VERY good article. Paula

  • savvydating profile image


    4 years ago

    Maybe I'm really unlucky, but I've witnessed a lot of incivility in the workplace, having nothing to do with politics. That being said, when it comes to politics, civility has apparently gone out the window. It bothers me. It's so "in your face" all of the time.

    Just look at the things some television show hosts say. It's disgusting. The good news is that I have no trouble changing the channel and never watching that particular show again.

    Anyway, this is a reminder to everyone, myself included, to try our best not to stoop to the same level as your average hater.

    A good piece, Carolyn. Thanks for writing it.

  • gregas profile image

    Greg Schweizer 

    4 years ago from Corona, California.

    Carolyn, if people leave politics out of conversations they can usually be pretty civil. But, all in all people don't know how to be civil when it comes to politics anymore.


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