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What Traits Are Shared By Mindless Mountain Newts And American Voters?

Updated on February 4, 2016

Breaths Of Brevity

Winter arrived in the Alleghany Highlands of Virginia in clumps this year. It was rewarding to look out on the snow blanket and see the birds flocking to the feeders, suet cakes and tubes of Nyjer Seed.

It has been necessary this year to make daily offerings of old bread to the crows. Please do not take this as a pre-qualifier for sainthood. No. I generally despise them. They swarm into our trees and attempt to feed themselves often tearing things up as belly up to the feeder. They are second only to the gray squirrel in peskiness.

I have read that the crows are extremely organized. A single crow begins the day. Like a car pooler he flies to the home of another crow and who joins the leader in mid flight. And then another, and another, and another. Then they spend the day foraging. At the end of the day they return to their homes in a similar but diminishing manner. That’s amazing if true.

Gray squirrels are rats with a bushy tail. The gray squirrel population must be down this year. I saw a lot of them on the road kill menu. As I make my runs on the mail route I do everything I can to avoid them, short of endangering myself or others. Yet they are so indecisive it is difficult not to run over them. A Fox squirrel seems infinitely more intelligent. It hears me coming and shoots off the road in a predetermined direction. Not so the gray dunces. They go left, go right, and may repeat themselves until the car is upon them.

I saw evidence of their intelligence once while meeting another car. The driver skillfully straddled the befuddled gray varmint only to have it to jump straight up into the bottom of the car and kill itself.

Here is another squirrel story.

Two of nature’s outdoor wonders have altered the course of a natural gas pipeline one is the Cow Knob Salamander and the other the Northern West Virginia flying squirrel.

Salamanders run rampant in these mountains. They are harmless little guys who crawl about on wood piles. I have a few that like to hide in loose places in my woodpiles and even lounging on my garage floor when the summer heat is blasting down.

Having been raised in the Midwest where red squirrels were a hunter’s delight, I had no idea that the Almighty had created a squirrel that could fly.

So sitting at a horseshoe bar in a north central West Virginia coffee-doughnut shop I was amazed when an elderly fellow who frequently joined us in the morning get together came in, as I had, for an afternoon coffee. He and another fellow began talking and Troy said he had just come in from squirrel hunting.

Next came the inevitable question: “Did you get anything?”

“I got a couple of Reds,” Troy said. “I could have killed a Fairry Diddle or two, but I don’t like them. They’re just skin and bone and offer nothing to eat.”

“What the hell is a Ferry Diddle?” I inquired. Troy looked at me and answered matter-of-factly:

“Oh you know those flying squirrels.”

I nodded and bit into my doughnut. I suddenly understood what was going on. This was another fool the flatlander setup. If I bit on the bait anymore than I already had I would be ridiculed on my next morning visit. Everyone would be snickering about the Midwesterner who actually believed squirrels could fly. I finished my coffee and said goodbye.

Later I found out there really are squirrels that fly. Well, not with flapping wings. They have webbed body suits and can glide from tree to tree.They resemble a bat. They were probably an inspiration for today’s thrill junkies who don webbed suits and fly among mountain tops before sometimes gliding safely to the ground.


Impeding Progress The Political Way

There is no abatement in the political obscenities of the new society, especially on the left margin of sanity. Hillary Clinton, who refuses to acknowledge, even to herself, that she is a shameless felonious charlatan, is vowing to continue the policies of the past seven years. Those policies which have seriously undermined every civil liberty granted American citizens by the Bill Of Rights of the U.S. Constitution. Hillarity endangers all mankind while pretending she is a clueless victim of technology, the media and, of course, specters of the far right.

Hillarity is opposed—much to her chagrin— and nearly being bested by a charming nutty professor type who is even more liberal than she.. Bernie Sanders stands so far left of the political margins that if he moved his head left, his neck would snap.

While he may seem "cuddly" to those millions of 18-year-old first time voters he attracts like a rich grandfather, their generation is faces harsh reality if they elect him. Just as every generation becomes victim of the political, this one also seems destined for "comeuppance."

Ever since Republican reformers promised freed blacks "40 acres and a mule" during Reconstruction and never delivered, the government has made unending promises it did not keep and probably never intended to do so.

So young people, don't count your student loans as forgiven,nor a good job a destiny.

Nor should members of my generation always believe a lock on the social security box won't be "com-promised." And for those of you in the workplace, there have been rumors that your 401K's are as tempting now as Social Security always has been.

Plus, just this week in the tsunami of the debate the Pentagon quietly revealed that women can soon be drafted. This is a control mechanism long sought by leftists. It differs from compulsory military service as practiced in Israel. It is almost certain the mandatory draft iwill be back.

But let me put it in terms the millennials will understand. The government had the right to listen to your phone. They probably did. Now they are required to get a warrant to listen in on your conversations. They probably won't get the warrant but will listen without it if they want.

Government is not Godliness. It just acts like it is.

At this point I have concluded that if either of the socialists--and truthfully Hillarity is tempermentally closer to Marxism that socialism-- are elected I will immediately begin constructing a stairway and entrance to our guest bedroom so as to accommodate government visitors. It will be no different than our colonial forbears having to take British soldiers into their homes. Although in our case it will probably be IRS or FEMA employees.

Republicans also continue to battle demons. Each candidate considers each other opponent as a demon. When the fighting subsides the wolf pack will amount to one crippled and maligned soul.

We Americans may again be forced to choose between mediocrity and misery in the November elections. Those left standing for the main event are usually not stellar choices.

The deadlock between those who have sold out and those who have much to gain remains at perpetual impasse. Our leaders have far more to payoff than student debt. .

We free speakers, truth tellers and democracy addicts are not so unlike the Flying Squirrels and mindless mountain newts. No one is really looking out for us, they're just using us as an excuse.

Who's On Left?

And The Ones On The Right Got Busted


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