When We Become the Storm
Attracted to Anger
We often hear the phrase "anger management" or the need for counselling programs to control and resolve ones anger problem. These programs may not be absolute but it will be able to make us see where our anger is coming from.
I knew of a lady who is so attracted to having relationships with men who got angry personalities. Meaning, they are verbally abusive and inflict emotional and psychological pain to their partners and at some point could be scary that such outrage may lead to physical agony. More often than not, breakup follows though surprisingly after sometime you see them back in each other's arm once more.
Angry by Chance?
The Whole Picture
Why are some smart, capable man or woman get attracted to people who got anger management problems? One reason could be the fact that these people are also in need of a "fix" themselves. They have this belief that in order to fix their own problems, they got this compulsion to fix others first. This is called a deviation from "facing" or "avoiding" their own troubles. They become co-dependent with their partners and destined to repeat their mistakes.
It may also be about personal history on family, if the father was an angry man himself whatever reason, they carry on that life impending trauma for heartache and disaster. To resolve such dilemma, it will take courage and determination for a long term counselling therapy and mental make up for the personalities involved.
It has been defined that "Nirvana" is a place or state characterized by freedom from, or oblivion to pain, worry, and the external world. Could we really attain this?
We cannot avoid unpleasant, frustrating situations and a certain amount of physical pain, but by training our mind to look at difficult situations in a more realistic manner, we can free ourselves from a lot of unnecessary mental pain. If it is possible for us to improve such situation, which of course we should, doing this, one need not become unhappy, impatient, or even angry. Expressing our angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger.
Staying in Control
A certain amount of anger, is necessary to our survival. When we are attacked, anger is a natural, adaptive response to threat. It inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves. Yet, common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. We must not physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us, as there are laws and social norms that got to be considered.
Studies show that there are three (3) ways we can handle being angry yet remaining in control of our rage.
1. Expressing it.
2. Suppressing it.
3. Calming it.
Assertive not Agressive
Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive, not aggressive manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Suppressing anger means we can convert those angry emotions into something positive. We call this redirection. The aim is to inhibit our anger into a more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, our anger can turn on ourselves. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Taking steps to lower our heart rate, calm ourselves down, and let the angry feelings subside, means, we are not just controlling our outward behavior, but also able to control our internal responses. It is important to deal with it in a positive way. Whereas, uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both our health and our relationships at home or at work. Surprisingly, those who are able to redirect theirs are likely to have many successful relationships.