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Whingeing Poms Head for Australia

Updated on February 14, 2012

What's Andy saying? "I'm not living the dream!?"

Andy Murray typifies the type of Brit Aussies truly dislike, the "Whingeing Pom."
Andy Murray typifies the type of Brit Aussies truly dislike, the "Whingeing Pom."

This is a Golden Opportunity, Pommies!

I don’t have the exact stats., but many thousands of British people every year, mainly families, are being invited to go and live in Australia to fill that country’s need for skilled workers.

Australia has had a “he loves me, he loves me not” affair with Brits for many years. The “Mother Country” residents were allowed to come and go as they wished up to 1984, when a jingoistic ‘Ocker, PM Geoff Whitlam cried “There‘s too many of these bloody drongos!” and Poms (Brits, Limeys, whatever), had to go through the same immigration channels as all lesser mortals,

But recently Australia has had a severe shortage of workers in the health field, as well as construction and other blue-collar skills.

You’d think beleaguered Brits would jump at the chance to escape Britain wouldn’t you? But, no. I have been watching programs daily on BBC TV as couples and their kids are shepherded out to various Australian population centers and introduced to the country while their future possibilities are explored.

No wonder Aussies call us “Whingeing (whining) Pommies!”

The refrain seems to be more or less the same from all the prospective immigrants:

“Oh, we had no idea it was going to be sooo expensive here”

“This house is no bigger than ours is in Workington”

“This isn’t the dream we had; what’s the point in coming if you can’t live the dream?”

Cameras turn to crying relatives in England. “Oh, I can’t bear to be sooo far away from mum-dad-gran, the family goldfish”

Didn’t they consider any of this before jumping on the plane??

If I was the Aussie immigration department, I would ban all complaining and comparing after a small period and tell these namby-pamby idiots to sit or get off the pot!

Why do they need to get a house immediately anyway? People in Britain are obsessed with owning. More sensible to rent a place for 6 months until you get to know the country and where you want to live.

But, no. Mrs. Brit must have her 3 bedrooms and luxury kitchen. “Oooo, look, Herbert, it’s got a pool!”

Yes, you didn’t have one of those in Leeds. Would have been no good anyway, the ‘Elf “n” Safety nannies wouldn’t have let the kids swim in it.

Camera cuts to Brits semi in Glasgow. It’s snowing. The garden is about 6 feet by 12; identical dwellings stretch for a mile each side.

Two real estate salesmen are inspecting the property for its sale value.

“I’d say around 90,000 pounds for a quick sale,” one says. The other agrees but adds another 5,000.”

Camera cuts to Brits in Brisbane sitting on palm=fringed balcony in bikinis sipping a Fosters in full sunshine.

“No way,” says the stout mum. Buzz-cut agrees, saying, “I wouldn’t take a penny under 125,000!”

No one interjects to say, but you only paid 12,000 when you bought the place!

I feel like screaming at them. “TRY IT OUT, YOU CAN ALWAYS SELL UP AND COME BACK TO BLOODY BLIGHTY!”

There is no sense of the gamble; the pioneer spirit in modern Brits. They have been coddled in some respects from the cradle into young middle age. In PC Britain there’s no risks: if you loose your rotten little job, the government takes over and pays your basics. If the kids get a sniffle, down to the clinic - it’s free. Up to a couple of years ago, you could buy your house with nothing down and a 30-year mortgage…you had to buy, because their was practically NO rental market and their still isn’t: US readers will have trouble understanding this with their local papers full of ads for flats and houses to rent.

The British have been brain-washed into thinking they are poor white trash if they don’t get on the property ladder and keep moving up. Well, THAT’S dead now, too.

Australia waits; arms held out. A practically empty country with a bright future. Britain slumps, about to loose it’s prized credit rating; unemployment rising; surrounded by a mainly sick Europe.

You emigrants. GRAB THE CHANCE WITH BOTH HANDS The way Europe is going, Oz will have to put a fence around the place soon to keep people out like the States is doing.

Australia is bloody marvelous. Forget the effing property ladder. Live in a big tent!! Enjoy the sun, sea, wide open spaces and the comradeship of a people just waiting to prove you’re not just another whingeing Pom, but are trying to be a ridgie-didge, fair-dinkum Aussie.

I went there in 1965 after thinking about it for a few hours. I stayed 8 years and went back for another 5. I would never have left but for discovering the USA and a Mexican wife.

But I tell you now, at 72, dreaming the dreams of those in their dotage.

I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LEFT AUSTRALIA! And especially not have washed up in Britain.

(“But we wuz dreaming of a palace costing 100 pounds!” they whinge). Bloody useless Poms!







Comments

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    • profile image

      diogenes 

      6 years ago

      Hiya mate! Yes, i often miss Oz, I was there for about 8 years in total.

      Bob

    • stricktlydating profile image

      StricktlyDating 

      6 years ago from Australia

      Yes it is bloody great here!

    • diogenes profile imageAUTHOR

      diogenes 

      6 years ago from UK and Mexico

      Ha, Angel Trader: Well and truly said. I honestly believe Brits have become completely humorless unless BBC edits any fun out of the show (yes, they are capable of that).

      Glad you made the move and made it stick; I bet you wouldn't come back here for anything.

      Thanks for comment

      Bob

    • AngelTrader profile image

      AngelTrader 

      6 years ago from New Zealand

      Hahaha...I moved out to NZ eight years ago and have seen so many Brits come and go. They just don't give it a fair crack. Of course it's going to be different, isn't that the main reason for coming? After six months so many give up and go home...six months, hardly a fair go eh!

      As for those 'reality' TV programs has anyone ever moved? And don't happy go lucky people ever apply to be on them...

    • diogenes profile imageAUTHOR

      diogenes 

      6 years ago from UK and Mexico

      Hi Jools. Yep, it's expensive and time-consuming to get to Mexico. However, well worth it. Spain is just more Europe to me.

      Bob

    • diogenes profile imageAUTHOR

      diogenes 

      6 years ago from UK and Mexico

      You're right, Nell: I had no real family so these must be a cold side to me where that love and security belongs.

      The trouble with writing articles, it's hard to take the middle road and get the reader's juices flowing.

      I'd go back there in a minute if they's have an old codger.

      Thanks for reasoned comment

      Bob

    • Little Nell profile image

      Little Nell 

      6 years ago from Somerset, UK

      I watched the same programme, and weren't they so depressing! If I was young and child-free I would not hesitate but with four grown-up offspring it seems a bit harsh to abandon them all in Blighty. My own parents moved to Spain after retirement and lost touch with their children and grandchildren - I think we saw them three times in ten years. Whereas you are so right in your views don't disregard family ties, however if you can offer life in Oz for your family - now that's another matter!

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools99 

      6 years ago from North-East UK

      Well said! We're considering Mexico for the Summer, never been before but I do like to feel the sand between my toes and the sun on my face...probably settle for Menorca, shorter flight.

    • diogenes profile imageAUTHOR

      diogenes 

      6 years ago from UK and Mexico

      Too right mate!

      Mind you, Britain never had it for me: too small and this weather.

      I'm thinking of heading back to Mexico soon. I'd sooner die as a beachcomber than live here in misery till they shove me in the local churchyard.

      bob

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools99 

      6 years ago from North-East UK

      I'd hop on the first plane out of here if I had any skills the Aussies could exploit. Great article, honest and funny as well. I am a Brit but I'd live elsewhere in a heartbeat now, I think my area's golden days are long behind it. Voted up.

    • diogenes profile imageAUTHOR

      diogenes 

      6 years ago from UK and Mexico

      Yes, I'm only 72, but do have a certain maturity.

      Hair still growing and annoying (you won't care now you know my age!).

      Europe has been a dead issue for me since the 1960's when i first left for greener pastures. Bitter and burned.

      Nice to hear from ya, doc.

      Rx

    • cathylynn99 profile image

      cathylynn99 

      6 years ago from northeastern US

      hi, bob,

      how's the coiffure coming?

      72? never would have guessed. i'm 55. husband will be 61 sunday.

      i'm not ready to write europe off quite yet.

    • diogenes profile imageAUTHOR

      diogenes 

      6 years ago from UK and Mexico

      Thanks for positive comment Viking.

      What a pity you came back here!

      Of course, it's not a paradise on earth and it doesn't fill everyone's idea of their dream world, but I had some of the best times of my life there and would like to do it all over again.

      Yes, it is that program

      Bob

    • viking305 profile image

      L M Reid 

      6 years ago from Ireland

      Ah I love it! What a great hub. I believe you have been watching Wanted Down Under like myself on TV lately.

      Love the humour in the article and the truths too lol. I went there as a 9 year old child with my family in 1967. We came back to Ireland a few years later.

      Have great memories of the place as a kid. I wonder how these new people thinking of emigrating would have got on in the 60's and 70's when there was no internet or cheap phone calls to relatives.

      Great article thanks for sharing. Voted up and awesome

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